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ADHD update

VENUS452's picture

Back in the beginning of October I posted about BM and her hubby "Doofus" thinking that SS8 has ADHD and he was currently in the process of testing, counseling, etc. DH and I did not support this theory since he wasn't having problems at our house OR at school, but DH said he was ok with the testing just to be sure there wasn't something he was missing.

Well we got the test results back and he does NOT have ADHD. BM WAS PISSED!! And it really made me sad for SS. You just found out your child does not have a disorder that can cause him to struggle in school, etc. and your immediate response was to look at DH, scream..."As usual you get your way"...and storm out. WHAT....REALLY? You're not relieved? I don't understand. Now SS didn't walk out of there with an "ALL OK-there's nothing wrong here" diagnosis. He was diagnosed with Adjustment Disorder, but BM had her tantrum before she heard that part so DH, Myself, and Doofus were the only ones still in the room to discuss what this meant and what to do going forward. But I just don't understand her reaction. Why was there not a big sigh of relief followed by, what are the next steps.

On a sad note, through counseling we discovered that BM and Doofus were telling SS that he "needed medication to be a good person" and "we are going to put you on medication so you aren't bad anymore" and again my heart breaks for this child. DH and I have been together since SS was 1 year old and even though I'm not his "real mom" I still care for him A LOT and I don't understand how they could say things like that to him.

Next step is family counseling, which will mainly focus on BM's household since that's where he is struggling the most, but we get to start with everyone together! Yay! I'm a little hesitant because I don't want it to be a huge fight, but I also want to do whatever it takes to make sure SS is getting what he needs from both households.

On another note....have any of you dealt with Adjustment Disorder? If so, what changes/steps did you take?

VENUS452's picture

Right! I looked it up too and of course the counselors description was very different than the web description. I feel like it was one of those things where they HAD to come up with something. Whatever, we will adjust accordingly and put on our seat belts for the next round of crazy she comes up with.

thinkthrice's picture

The Girhippo was EXACTLY like this. These GUBMs are always looking for any smoke screen to hide their atrocious so-called parenting--they need SOMETHING, other than themselves, to blame the behavior on. The Gir doctor shopped for OSS trying to find something "wrong" with him. Now mind you, OSS (now 20) is the best of the three as far as behavior goes.

The tests kept coming back normal and she was as angry as could be! She still found a doctor to ladle ADHD meds down his throat though. There are always quacks around.

Then she learned from this experience by doing even more EXTENSIVE doctor shopping and used the quack doctor to label SD (now 18) "learning disabled--other" probably due to the fact that Dr. Quack knew the Girhippo wouldn't give up until her kids were diagnosed with SOMETHING!.

So she did the same with skid number 3 (YSS will be 14 in a week).

She's been ladling ADHD meds and anti-depressants down each skid's throats for over a decade--WITH ZERO RESULTS!! They still fail school every year as the Gir doesn't require school attendance, homework, class work or assignments. In fact she lets them sleep over at friend's houses DURING THE SCHOOL WEEK with other families who have the same "parenting skills" or slightly better.

VENUS452's picture

So disgusting! I just don't understand that way of thinking. SS is 8 years old! Even if the test results came back saying he did have ADHD, medication is a LAST resort! Especially when his teacher is saying things like Start student. First one to sit down and pay attention. Sets example for other kids. C'mon!

MummaTon's picture

Totally agree! I think the BM is the one who needs analysis - she probably has munchausens. A childs diagnosis can be used as an excuse for bad parenting or worse yet, for the BM to have all the attention and be able to play the "Poor me" card.

Oldmom's picture

The most obvious answer is a diagnosis of adhd negates her poor parenting skills.

The not so obvious answer is any diagnosis gives her a reason to apply for ssd and if persistent enough she can be successful.

You might want to check into that

Goodluck's picture

Some parents score their own kids adhd/add meds for their own personal use. That is a fact. Also some will file for ssdi.

Your right, this bm should be thrilled her son is not adhd. Honesty I don't want to appear hard on her so giving her the benefit of the doubt, lets say she is at her wits end with ss. If that IS indeed the case--try this.

BM, it is time for son to live with me for an extended period of time.??? OP is that something your interested in. No need to answer but just a thought.

Sounds like the root of the troubles are whats going on inside BM's house.

Glad again to read he is NOT adhd/add. BM should be thrilled!! I might ask she isn't she over the moon he is not.

VENUS452's picture

I would have absolutely no problem with that plan and DH has tried hundreds of times. She complains that she can't handle him anymore and if DH even suggests just picking SS up for the day BM screams F*** You that's not going to solve the problem, etc. Sadly I think it's more about control then anything else.

We just found out last night BM and Doofus record SS when he's having tantrums. Which makes me feel like they are gearing up to try this yet again with another doctor..UGH

Side note - Anyone know if DH can stop her from dragging him from doctor to doctor? She hasn't brought it up yet, but DH wants to be prepared in case she tries to continue this.

LAMomma's picture

Yay that he doesn't have ADHD! I didn't figure he did after hearing what you described. However it's sad that she is so desperate for something to be "wrong" with her child. I'd LOVE it if my daughter didn't have to struggle in school. This is her first year off of meds in a couple of years and she's doing pretty good. Our Dr. always makes her start off the year without the meds to make sure she actually NEEDS them. I wish more were like this.

VENUS452's picture

There def. needs to be more doctors out there like yours! That is fantastic! Sadly I don't think she will ever get it. She will never accept that she could be the source of the problems. It will be interesting to see how her third one turns out. Doofus is the father of that one...if they stay together, she won't have to excuse of "DADS HOUSE" being the reason the kids are naughty. I'm sure he will still get the blame.