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How useless is the other bio parent?

markwvualum's picture

Venting time. How useless is the other bio parent in your situation?

sunshinex's picture

Ohhh here we go. 

BM left DH when SD was 9 months old and refused to see her until she was about 1.5 years old. She said she needed "me" time and couldn't handle parenting. She kept the child benefits we get in canada (hundreds of dollars per month) because she said she earned it by giving birth. DH had to fight hard to get them back in his name. 

BM got weekend visitation when SD was 2 (also when DH and I started living together) and constantly gave her weekends away to her mother. We eventually decided we needed to move for my career because BM wasn't paying any child support and DH's job paid minimum wage at the time - we needed a cheaper, more affordable area to live in.

After we moved, BM pretty much stopped contacting SD altogether. She would take her for summer because her mother wanted to see her. Never sent birthday/holiday cards or called on special days. Nothing. Fast forward to now, SD is 7 and we have a 15 month old with possibly another on the way. 

BM is finally showing interest, taking her daughter for holidays in addition to summer, asking how she's doing once in a while, and making the occasional phone call. She still doesn't provide financially whatsoever. We're now needing to move provinces for DH to get a better job. 

I'm going to lose it if BM puts up a fuss. She's had 7 YEARS to parent. She didn't want to. She only tries now because, I don't know, she wants to stay relevant somehow now that our family is starting to mesh really well... If she tries to stop us from moving, I'll be pretty damn upset. 

lieutenant_dad's picture

I've always said that BM and DH would make good parents if they could stay together because where one lacks, the other thrives.

The problem with that, though, is that BM lacks in a pretty profound way for being a single parent, and that is as a provider. She can't keep a job, and can't keep stably housed. The kids have grown up on WIC, SNAP, free school lunches, etc. DH could bleed himself dry (and has) and the boys would STILL live in poverty.

Everything else is a toss. BM is good about getting them to appointments and keeping their schedules whereas DH is chronologically challenged. BM treats them like little kids, but DH gives them tons of freedom. BM doesn't enforce homework so DH becomes the bad guy on that, but BM supports them being in ECs while DH finds most ECs pretty stupid. Etcetera and so forth ad infinitum.

markwvualum's picture

Bio dad sees his kids a couple of hours a week, a couple of days a week. If they act up or are too much to handle he brings them back. Any parenting beyond that he cannot handle as it is too stressful for him. He over compensates by buying them super expesnive gifts at xmas and on birthdays that they shouldn't have.

Rags's picture

The SpermIdiot is a waste of skin.  He started cheating on my bride while she was pregnant and kept it up until she booted his ass out when she was 17 and SS was less than a  year old due to his ongoing serial statutory rapist career.  DW was 16 when she had SS.  The Spermidiot was 23.

He had to marry his 16yo GF just before we went to court the week before SS turned 2yo to avoid statutory rape charges because we were loaded for bear with depositions on his sexual preditor crap on underage teen girls when he was in his 20s. 

He never amounted to shit on a cowboy boot.  He did eventually get  his plumbers license but pawned his three younger all out of wedlock Spawn by two other baby mamas off on SpermGrandHag and SpermGrandPa to raise with no financial contribution from him while they also paid his CS obligation and travel costs for my SS. He worked for cash under the table to avoid documented income and limited his payroll hours thinking it would minimize his CS. That didn't work out so well for him when my bride went SPA on his ass and bared h is ass in court for that crap.              Diablo

My SS had visitation with the SpermClan from age 2-18 detests the SpermIdiot, and at 26 has just about zero to do with nearly his entire SpermClan oiver the past ~8yrs. SpermIdiot spawn #2 (SS's half sib) detests the DipShitiot as well.  The two youngest gangbanger wannabe,  just the like the SpermIdiot, spawn worship his worthless ass. Sadly they are turning out to be far more successful as Crips or Bloods since they are biracial.  The SpermIdiot is an Opie Cunningham looking Cracker that got his butt kicked a few times over the years when he tried to pass himself off as black to join black gangs.  My heart breaks for the two  youngest.  They are so fucked.

smh

shamds's picture

you know for divorcing her pos arse because she couldn’t be a mum, a wife, she’s not much of anything really.

A week after divorce was finalised she waits till kids went to school, went to local town hall to get married. Kids come home and she tells them she got married and they have a new dad

hubby’s whole life was ripped apart when she disappeared with the girls and he knew going to cops and courts would be more torture because she was crazy and her family threatened to kill hubby with a gun and knife (these are policemen by the way), with that hubby just needed to stay away. 

Bm about 6 months ago had an epiphany (ROFL), that they have moved on and she wants to apologise and make amends as a changed person for their kids sake (hubby smells BULLSHIT) whilst at the same time claiming to be a changed person she told the girls that hubby see’s witch doctors to do black magic voodoo crap against her when her daughters kbow she does this and her family does but because untrustworthy bio mum said it, it must.m be true??

hubby doesn’t want to see her, shes a crazy bitch and her 3 kids have taken after her