How much do you and your DH share?
I have had some trust issues with my DH for several years now. It started off with him just forgetting to tell me things, then he decided to outright lie to me about a large credit card bill he had charged up since we were married. He also lied about how much he and x were emailing. He always had a good reason for lying I guess and he took responsibility for lying and told me over and over that he was going to be upfront and honest with me. I have been thinking over the last several months that we don't share a lot that I think married couples should share, like bank accounts, bills, cars, etc. He has his stuff I have mine.. I have more than him because I own my own home, car, etc. He is in debt mostly because his ex took everything and continues to take what little he has left. I try to share and let him know how much our bills are, share personal situations, etc. I got an idea one day to write down all my passwords to my email, bank accounts, voicemail, everything. I asked him if he would share his and he said he would. It has been several months and he has yet to share these. I asked a couple of times and he just keeps telling me that he hasn't had time and he hasn't thought about it. Is this just something that comes with the territory with 2nd marriages. When you are younger and you get married and you don't have anything it is easy to share, but now that he has children, bills from the ex, etc.. I kind of feel like this is how life is for 2nd marriages.
Any advise.. Should I be worried that he keeps putting off giving me his passwords?
More of a concern is the lies
about credit card purchases and his relationship being secretive with the ex. Those things are far worse than him not giving you passwords.
If you feel something is wrong, it probably is.
I'd be careful if I were you, more so since he has your passwords as he could maybe go on a shopping spree while in your account. I had a friend married to man like this and one day he moved out and she found out she was over 30K in debt. It was a very ugly thing and she had no idea he was doing anything while he was living there.
Without trust being built, it is very hard to be in a marriage.
I guess that is what I am
I guess that is what I am trying to do is build the trust by him allowing me to see his passwords, etc. I guess this should just be natural and not be forced..:-)
I agree
sharing should come naturally to a married couple. Your not doing anything wrong.
He is the one trying to hide something it seems.
If my husband wanted to keep everything seperate, I'd wonder why he wanted to be married.
I am like you and would also not like it and wonder what the deal was. I'd put my foot down too because I sure would not invest any of my time, energy and money into a marriage where I was the only one being a partner.
Maybe your more tolerant than I am but I'm just someone who can't be married halfway. It's all or nothing. He is either my trusted, loving husband or we divorce and he can go find someone else.
I made that known up front before we married. So far, he's not let me down and we have even grown stronger as a couple.
so what are you going to do?
I had this problem initially
deleted
"OCD sucks"
Habit and routine have an unbelievable power to destroy.
--Henri de Lubac
My husband never asked me for passwords to my bank account
although he did take me to the bank and put me on his bank account jointly. I did the same with him and my bank account ( we are talking bank accounts, not brokerage accounts )
we did this in the event of an accident or death.
I never plan to use his bank account so I have no need for his passwords. I would only go to his bank and get money should be suddenly pass away or be in some terrible acccident and we needed the money or to clear it out or something.
Guess since reading your post again, I am in question of why he would want passwords to your bank account?
This time when I read it, it struck me funny. Guess I'd freak out if dh asked me for "passwords"
We do have debit cards and we both have the same password, we did it like that so we wouldn't forget them.
My point being: dh offered me co-ownership of his bank account and never asked me to do the same for him but I did anyway.
He also put me on his life insurance and all beneficiary items, never asking I do the same for him with mine.