how do u protect your sd's from the one person you shouldnt have to?
i cant believe it took me so long to find this site.i have been with my family for 13 years. my sd's were just turned 3 and 5 when i came in to their life. i had a son that just turned 5 also. in the 13 years me and my husband have been together i have loved his kids with everything in me just like my own. i could tell you all some stuff about the "mother" that would make your mouths fall on the floor.all these years have been spent by me trying to protect the girls from the brain washing parent alianationtheir mom has installed. all whyle my dear husban has had the if i ignore it and pretend it isnt happening it will go away attitude. the mothers whole family and alot of others i know have taken this same attitude with her, including the girls. it doesnt matter what anyone else wants, there scared o0f what the mom is going to do or say. im so sick of everyone being stuck so far up her ass.
we have been having major problems with the "mother" for a while now.today she told the 18 year old to tell us to stop talking about her to our family. that its there fault for what (lies)they tell us about her. so when the 18 year old stopped in for a min. to get something b4 going to her moms for her week we tryed to talk to her and tell her if we need to talk to our family and friends about how we felt about the way shes treating her kids, we can because its better to talk about how u feel to the people u love instead of keeping it bottled up so u explode. and we dont need to talk about what they tell us only the texts she sends us and the girls. and that if sh doesnt want us talking about the stupid shit she does then maybe she souldnt do it or keep it to herself. both the girls got mad at me for saying anything. cant we stop talking about mom? the mom told thm to tell us to stop talking' the girls want us to stop talking.if i dont talk im really going to explode. then my husband yells at me in frount of the girls because i was upsetting them and its my fault they are mad.and my fault if the 18 yo dont come home when its our time. the 16 year old hasnt stayed with her for more than 6 days sence april. we have her in weekly counseling to help her with her mom issues. but the kicker is shes mad at me to cuz i didnt stop talking about how im sick of everyone tip toeing around there mother when she told me to. i have a right to say what i want. the mom shure does say some garbage about me and my husband and kids but no one EVER tells her to stop. im so fed up. iv been here every day for those girls. when there mom droped them on my door 13 years ago and said she couldnt do it anymore (but she shure does dictate how everything goes and alwas has cuz my husband is a whimp). when she told them not to come back to her house. when she said they have to come to her house even when its not her day and my husband let her to keep peace. to the mother cheating on their step father and involved the girls in lieing to him and meeting the other guy. i could go on and on. but i suck at typing so this is it for now.
so i guesss my question is when is enough enough? i cant tell u how many times through the years iv said why do i put up with this crap. and every time i say because i love thye girls to much to put them through the hell of another devorce. by when is love not enough?
thanks for listining to me ramble.
WhyamIthebadguy - You are
WhyamIthebadguy - You are being the bad guy, because - and you will not like this answer - you are acting no better than BM. BM talks sh*t about you and DH, so you don't hide your feelings. BM wants you to stop talking about her. I get why you wouldn't respect that. But your own DH and your own skids, whom you love so much, have asked you to stop talking about BM. (At least that's how I'm reading it.)
You DO have a right to say what you want. But not in front of the kids. C'mon - you are an adult. There are some things you don't discuss in front of kids. You talk to them age appropriate, with age appropriate subjects. Some subjects are pretty much off the list of discussion. For example, you never talk about your sex life with your DH to your skids, do you? Of course not!! (I hope! )
Trashing BM is in that category between you and your skids.
I have to ask - what are you trying to achieve? Are you trying to get your husband and kids to know how you feel about BM's antics so that you separate yourself from her as a "better" person / parent? Are you just so frustrated with BM's lack of consequences that you feel you have to voice it, otherwise BM gets away with it? Are you just trying to make sure everyone knows what a POS the skids' mom really is?
I think you need to tread carefully here. Vent on here, get it out on here. But stop talking about BM to your skids. DH is fair game - to a point. Eventually, he gets tired of the bitching too, I bet. Don't let BM take over your life. Because that's what it sounds like. It sounds like BM has gotten you so angry that you are consumed with her. Time to give your life back to YOU.
wow. ok.stick thanks for
wow. ok.stick thanks for replying. i guess i do need to say more and make this situation more clear. i never bad mouthed the bm for 10+ yrs. and when she called to have stupid excuses (most commonly used one was cramps) for not taking the girls when she was saposed to' im the one that made excuses for her. she would tell them we wouldnt let her see them. we hid alot from them. now that there older we cant hide or avoid stuff from them we decided it was time to stop letting there mom make us out to b the pos parents. but i think the brainwashing damage is done. and just to let u know what a steller bm this witch is she cheated on her husband of 9 years reacently and told the girls best friend who is now the 18yo's bf(like the friend wasnt gona tell the girls)( he was 15 at the time hes 2 years younger than the 18yo) that it was ok to cheatr cuz her husband made her have sex with a nother man while he watched. (which was a major lie, she never does anyting she doesnt want to do). not only did she tell the girls she was cheating, she introduced them to him and his daughter. made the girls lie to everyone including us about what they were doing. not that we cared that she was cheating we knew for mos. and the girls would come home crying cuz of the roller coaster of leaving her husband one min and staying the next. took the girls on what was saposed to b a girls weekend that there other little sister couldnt go on cuz she dropped them off at 1 hotel whyle she went to another with her bf for the whole 3 day weekend. we started carring when she started telling the girls to lie to us about where they were going ex: the 18yo told us she was going to take her collige exam so she had to spend the night at her moms cuz they had to go early in the morn. we later found out she went to the hosp with her mom to see the bf after sergery. witch we wouldnt have cared if she wanted to go. the mother also screwed up the older ones college by not telling heer a certin paper had to b turned in by a certin day witch my sd found out about on the day it was due right b4 she had to work. so she called her mom to ask her to take it for her to witch the mom replied i cant i need to sleep.needless to say she cant start till next semester cuz of it. we couldnt do it for her cuz the mom clames the old3er one for taxes so the finantial aid was in her moms name. she also told the older one that any $$ left from finantial aid was hers cus the paperwork was in her name. i listen when the girls need to vent about there mom. so why cant i talk to them about what there mom is telling us to do is wrong. im not trashing her just trying to get the girls to realize its ok to vent to people u love and reverse the years of hearing "but if we tell u why were crying when we come home from moms we wont get this or that or go on a vacation." what i have seen her do to the girls is horiffic mentaly. i try really hard to not "bad mouth" the bm. i try more to state facts and talk to them. i dont constently bash there mom. in fact iv tryed several times to get the 16yo to go to her moms and make up. and tell her shes your mom and she loves you and she dosnt realizze what shes doing to you, u need to tell her. i also have her in counceling to try to learn 1 how to not let her mom affect her so much and 2 to have a better relationship with her mom. im just so fed up with having all the responsability but none of the say of what happens. THERE MY KIDS TOO!!!!
thats the kicker. they do
thats the kicker. they do know. but wont say anything to her cuz of how the bm will react. im sick of tip toeing. and im already paying out the but for therapy for the 16yo and taking care of her full time cuz she wants to be here cuz she dont like going to her moms anymore and boy is it amazing how much more $$$ we shell out hoving her full time instead of half time. i cant afford family therapy too. even tho i wish i could. i need it too.
Hummm,,, Your BM is
Hummm,,,
Your BM is definately a loser. I would like to suggest you read two books that will help you tremendously (spelling?). "Stop Walking on Eggshells" and "Divorce Poison".
Good luck