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sd dating 19 year old,using drugs an having sex

billy's picture

We discovered that my dh's daughter (14) posted pictures online.
When we looked at the pictures we were shocked.
She is dating a 19 year old tattood, weed dealing thug.
They pictures show them kissing and smoking weed.
The boyfriend even posted a picture of himself having a hard on and telling her, "this is your breakfast,lunch and dinner".
Her bm who has custody doesn't care as long as she gets child support.
About a year ago her mother called my dh and told him she was having trouble with her. She was not going to school, staying out late etc.
My dh spoke to his daughter and she told him that she wasn't happy living with her mom and her new (third) husband. Dh told her she could come and live with us.
He discussed changing the custody agreement wit his ex and she agreed. The next day she called and told him there was no need because her daughter told her she was going to behave.
When my dh spoke to his daughter again, she told him that everything was ok now. She didn't want to discuss it any further.
She then came to visit us for X-mas and barely spoke to us. My dh couldn't take this crap and demanded an explantion for her behaviour. She can't stand her mother but she can deal with her she said. Translation: I get to do what I want as long as I don't bother her and her new husband.
She got her x-mas loot and money and hasn't called since. His ex told him to stop bothering her and stop calling because it upsets her. If he does call she will report him to the IRS again. We have a small business and were audited twice, nothing was ever found but it was hell.
The ex is a crazy, mean, lying, bitch and the daughter lies for her.
What to do now? The girl is going down a very bad path and it is sad to see.
Report it anon to child services or the police that she is dating a 19 year old? Are the pictures proof enough?

RedWingsFan's picture

Wow, this sounds like my SD14 potentially. She also lives with BM and BM doesn't care what she does as long as the CS money keeps rolling in. SD has been caught sending raunchy texts and Facebook messages to her boyfriend, having phone sex, giving him oral sex at 4AM in BM's backyard, having sex at BM's home when she was working (and this all at age 13, by the way).

Since your SD lives with her mom and isn't really involving dad in her life - what does she expect him to do? Chase her and beg her to come see him or return his calls? DH and I are going through that now with his kid. He's finally decided he's DONE chasing her around and told her SHE can come to him and call him from now on. Has she called? NOPE. She's got it made at mommy's.

You could report her to child services, but I'm unsure what is needed as proof. I think they'd likely do an inspection of BM's home and lifestyle and interview the SD. Not exactly sure what would happen. Pretty dumb of them to be posting pictures when he's clearly of age and she's not. Sets himself up for being locked up for screwing with jailbait SD.

Just know that if you DO something about it, it's possible that crazy SD may end up having to live with you. So, not sure if you wanna open that can of worms to "save" the girl or not.

I wish you luck!

Jsmom's picture

You can try and take her to court and get full custody. Chances are you won't get it, since she is 14. But, I would just give up on the child. It is an uphill battle that will end up with her pregnant and alone with BM. My SD16 lives with BM and is pretty much able to do what she wants. She is not welcome in our home, but DH does see her once a month for lunch. He won't talk about school and grades, because he knows he can't do anything about it and she will shut down and not want to see him. He has resigned himself to the fact that this is his relationship with her now. Maybe someday she will come back to him, but for my house, she can not come back...No tramps allowed.

ctnmom's picture

In my state, this is enough for the thug to be arrested. Report this immediately to DCF and the police, and give them both all your evidence.

Orange County Ca's picture

I have to agree that this needs to be reported to CPS if for no reason than you two will then be able to say to yourselves that you did everything you could do. Any internal report CPS makes can be subpoened and used in court when you file for custody which you should do for the same reason.

Assuming you lose the custody case which is likely (despite what most attorneys will tell you) then my advise is to write the kid off, see her only when she's willing and like mentioned above not even bring up what she's doing.

Christmas loot and money? Well from now on $20 buck at Christmas and birthdays will have to do and if she's not seeing Dad at all then not even a card.