How are you treated differently from BM?
I saw this on another forum and it had some interesting responses-- thought I would pose it here:
How are you treated differently than either BM or BD? Either by family, society, spouse, etc?
I would say, before I had my own kids, I came into the marriage with DH as a childless stepmom, my DH's family were clearly still in camp "BM". They'd hoped he and her would work things out, and told him as much. DH's mom was the hardest one to come around, because she suffered from whatever term you'd assign to a grandmother that is heartbroken that her poor grandchild was growing up in a "broken home". She'd lay the guilt on DH pretty heavily about divorcing BM, and then when I entered the picture not long after-- she took a while to accept me.
But, now that DH and I have a child and another on the way-- magically society is more acceptable of me as the stepmom/mom role. Before that I was just the "new" or "second" wife. At school events I was just awkwardly the dads wife. Now that I'm rolling in with a baby and pregnant, I'm accepted into the mom club. Eyeroll.
But the views of those around me have drastically changed the more "credentialed" I've become-- which is kind of horsepoop because if anything, I'm a less involved stepparent now than I was prior to my own biokid(s) because I am much busier and more distracted. And the line of patience I have for an older sibling that is being raised differently than my own is very, very thin. Yet-- somehow it's become more accepted that I'm allowed to make decisions and have authority.
As far as DH goes, he's always been 100% supportive of me, my role, how involved I've wanted or not wanted to be and never shirked responsibility on me for his kid. If anything, I've had to convince him over the years to let me take on more because I didn't mind and it made more sense for me to do certain things so he could relax a little. The man is in constant motion and never sits down, trying to make sure things are done around the house that need to be done, work done, kids taken care of, etc. He literally is the guy that when you walk in the door, he hands you a glass of wine and tells you to sit while he cooks. OK-- I'll stop bragging now, but all that to say this hasn't really come from him, the different treatment, because he has always been fair.