His son started a long distance relationship even though he has no transportation and no money. Any thoughts?
I know I've posted here a lot. My boyfriend's oldest son doesn't live with us anymore, so that situation got solved. But now he's other son, who's almost 18 years old decided to start a long distance relationship with a girl. She lives about an hour and 1/2 away.
My boyfriend's son doesn't have a job so therefore he doesn't have a car. My boyfriend is against him working. He says he needs to focus only on school so he wants him to work until he's out of college. So guess what? He hands him money to take his girlfriend out. He pays for his dates making life comfortable for him. His son also depends on people to give him rides to see his girl. My question is: does this sound pathetic to you? I mean, he's not teaching him responsibility. How will he buy a wedding ring in the future if dad pays for his dates and he doesn't know what it's like to be an adult?
Right now he's with his girlfriend over there and he called dad last night to go pick him up. So he has a long drive today after work. The worst thing is that he wants me to support him with all this. This all seems normal to him and I would like to know your opinion.
Do parents need to pay for their kids when they date? And isn't it better to encourage the son to get a job since he got a girlfriend? Going to school doesn't mean he can't work, especially if he needs to take his girl out.
I would also like to add that my boyfriend isn't rich. He struggles sometimes financially but still thinks he should hand his son money.
thoughts???
Most kids I know do better
Most kids I know do better when they're busy. My friends with jobs got better grades than those who were enabled. Your bf is not doing his kid any favors.
Exactly. It teaches how to
Exactly. It teaches how to manage multiple responsibilities and prioritize commitments. Can't learn that if everything is handed to you.
UGH. NO
So give that he's young and she's 90 minutes away, I wouldn't worry too much about affording a ring, but also ew, why would this young woman even find it attrative that her bf's daddy is paying for them to go out?? Gross. My ex's parents' also said he should focus on school, and guess what, he quit two degrees and has never kept a job longer than two years and he's almost 40. Jobs are good! Right now I get that it's tricky or impossible with Covid. Fine. But people can get jobs for 10-15 hours a week. But fine. Not every parent agrees, and that his right as a parent. My biggest issue is this:
"The worst thing is that he wants me to support him with all this."
DUDE. If that's what he wants to do as a parent, then it really is his right to do it. BUT he does not get to tell you how to feel about it. I disagree with DH all the time in his parenting. He still gets to make the decisions about his kids, but being a partner doesn't mean saying "yes dear" about everything. You're allowed to say "hey, the kid needs more responsibility, imo". He can still choose differently as the parent, but you're allowed to disagree. And if he means support in a financial way, there's no way in hell you should be paying for a step kid's dates.
If his logic is "he needs to
If his logic is "he needs to focus on school, so that's why I don't want him working" then he shouldn't be dating either. Isn't having a long-distance girlfriend "distracting" even more-so than work? Your boyfriend is simply enabling his son and babying him. I wouldn't find that very attractive in a partner that's coddling his 18 year old.