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Hill to die on? suggestions on how to handle this PLEASE

Tammajean451's picture

DH recived a call today from SS13 math teacher. SS13 has been refusing to use his Microphone for remote leaning class telling the teacher "it's to Noisy at BM's house". SS also refusing to do his class work.  Now I call BS. SS13 is just a little defiant spoiled brat. DH told me he will have a talk with SS to see what is going on tonight. Why do I care??? Because I SEE where this is going.

SS13 the king of lies will tell DH it's to loud at BM's house. Again BS BUT Disney Dad DH will believe SS's lies. So my HUGE fear is either SS or DH will "suggest" SS13 come to DH's house for remote learning at least half the time  and BM will allow this as she can't handle the brat anymore during school days. Now I can HARDLY stand this brat every other weekend I will lose my Fing mind if he's over even 2 or 3 days a week more. 

So my question is if this happens(likely) is this a hill to die on with DH? What can I say to DH to prevent this from happening? Ground rules if DH forces the issue? Most times if I give good reasons why not to do something DH listens. What are some good reasons to get out of this???

lieutenant_dad's picture

You and DH have competing priorities with this, so there isn't a good argument you're going to be able to make to your DH since DH has a responsibility to make sure SS does his school work. While SS may be lying about why he isn't doing it, that doesn't mean he still isn't doing it, and your DH needs to step in to fix the problem if BM can't/won't.

What you CAN do is tell DH that you won't live with a kid who acts selfish and entitled. However, that puts you in the position of needing to leave or kicking them out if your DH doesn't agree. It doesn't mean DH should ignore his son's parenting needs.

Your DH has put you all in a lose-lose situation by not parenting SS out of these bad habits. You "winning" means SS loses, which makes your DH a craptastic parent. However, SS "winning" means you lose, which makes him a craptastic partner.

Rumplestiltskin's picture

I agree that DH put them in a lose-lose. I wonder, though, if DH did have the kid do schoolwork at his/OP's house, would it be when DH is there to supervise him? If so, that could be the compromise. DH is the one on top of him making sure the work gets done and DH manages his behavior the entire time. Like, the whole time he's there "extra." 

lieutenant_dad's picture

Agree 100%. If DH can't be there, then DH needs to hire a nanny or tutor to be there to manage the work. OP shouldn't be responsible for this. OP shouldn't do more than the parents are doing, or are willing to pay to have done.

Rumplestiltskin's picture

Yep, and no point just having the kid do it at his house unsupervised. If there is a tutor, SS would have to be able to behave.