Halloween & Ages
Alright I know there are probably a billion different sides to this one. I want to know how each of you would handle or feel about this issue. This weekend (skids/bios) will be here. DH has said he wants to take them to get their halloween costumes.
Our children are BS13, BD9, SD11, SD8 and DD1. Well our baby already has her costume, so she's taken care of. I decided my son who is 13 would not trick or treat this year. It's time for him to be more grown up in my opinion. I told him if he was invited for a dress up party, fine but no going door to door for candy.
DH says, everyone can trick or treat. Here is wear I get a little ticked. Normally SD11 says it's not fair that BS13 gets blah blah blah, last time it was he had a cell phone. OK, he's older and he must call me or dad to pick him up if there is an issue. We share days and I feel it's neccessary for him to have a way to contact me, no it's not a smartphone but a flip. He calls or texts DAD and I ONLY.
SD11 continually says complains she should be treated like BS13. I dont agree on all things. But DH says they aren't that far apart in age, she's in middle school (its that's school thing, not normally) and so his he. However, SD11 has decided, she can go trick or treating because she isn't 13. REALLY?? Double standard much SD11.
Here's my issue, it must be equal to her degree, if she wants it to be. However, if it's something, she wants, she plays I'm not his age. She got the phone, BM got her an iphone by the way. Issue #2 SD11 is as big as me, no kids costume, that a normal 11 year old would wear will fit her PERIOD. So that leaves adult costumes, hmmm.
So I asked DH what the plan was, IDK was his response, WE (dh and sd11) were talking about that. REALLY Dude?? We all know what the adult costumes look like and I knooooooww she will ask or try to get dadddyyy to buy her an inappropriate "sexy" costume. So what do I do? I'm suppose to be disengaged but I refuse to go trick or treating with an 11 year old in an inappropriate costume.
So do I let him just get whatever and take my bios, which includes our child separately? or do I say absolutely not, if it's not appropriate? Personally I'd say you wanted to be treated like BS13 no trick or treating for you SD11, sorry.
Time to chime in.....
Five kids? I think I'd jump
Five kids? I think I'd jump off the nearest bridge!
No advice here other than if you live in a really cold climate, pray for snow on Oct 31st so you can slap a michelin-man style jacket over that hot mess.
I will say that the six foot BM in my case has been dressing up like a Zombie for WELL over two months now and posting FB photos of it; she and her clan as well as "yes-man" StepdaddyBigBucks have been driving around Podunk, NY in full regalia trying to get stares from the townspeople.
I pray for snow on that one
I pray for snow on that one day. LOL
Honestly, wish I could get
Honestly, wish I could get away with that. Her jeans by the way, too tight. It's a lost cause. :O
Are you all going trick or
Are you all going trick or treating as a family? If so I don't see why BS13 and SD11 need to be excluded. I know it depends on the kid but they might want to go along to be part of the experience for the younger kids.
Personally, I am okay with older kids (13+) trick or treating as long as they are wearing a costume and are polite & respectful when they come to my door.
To address the inappropriate costume issue - I don't think ALL adult costumes are skimpy. You can find tasteful ones. Also, she and her dad could put together a homemade one.
I don't think there's
I don't think there's anything wrong teens/preteens who still enjoy doing "kid stuff". My 15 year old niece still trick or treats with her 9 and 7 year old sister and brother. Kids have the whole year to "act their ages". There's nothing wrong with them going out and have good, clean fun every now and then.
When I hand out candy on Halloween, I give it to anyone (teens and adults included) who has a bag.
My SS (now 14) looks much,
My SS (now 14) looks much, much older than his age. Big old, Frankenstein looking kid. I told DH he was WAY too old to trick or treat last year. He didn't even have a costume - just a mask & basketball shorts and t shirt... I wasn't allowed to go after age 10. Halloween is for the little ones. SS didn't even eat his candy! I found it in his room this past July!!!! -another story for another time... Big kids and old kids need to stay home. When they come to my house they get ONE little piece of candy. We have SS14 on Halloween again this year - I will shit a brick if he goes trick or treating. He looks like he should be a junior in high school instead of eight grade. He should be at parties with friends. Oh wait, he doesn't have any because his Mom f!cked him up and my DH doesn't do anything about it...
And yes, if SD11 wants to be a "teenager" that means no trick or treating. If she wants to dress up she'd better be covered and not in a slutty grown up costume. She could be a giant grape or something... Lol
High school kids around here
High school kids around here will trick or treat AND go to parties. :? (the ones who aren't out throwing egg and hair remover at people }:) )
I don't understand why some people have a issue with kids going out and having fun. My freshmen year in college, everyone on my floor dressed up and went trick or treating. We had a blast and still laugh/talk about it 28 years later. You're never too old to have wholesome fun.
That was my point, it is just
That was my point, it is just me. She wants to be a teenager when it's convenient for her or someway going to benefit her in her mind.
I think we need to start teaching our children, there is a cutoff age. I wasn't allowed to trick or treat after 12 either. I went with the younger kids and helped them. That's part of growing up, right?
So if it's ok for them to trick or treat forever, is it ok for them to do other childish things forever? I think I am starting to understand why SKIDS are entitled in their own mind at least.
Taking part in "childish"
Taking part in "childish" things from time to time, doesn't mean you aren't growing up.
Plenty of teens trick or treat, color/search for eggs at Easter, leave cookies our for Santa...just because you enjoy the fun/magic of a holiday, doesn't mean you aren't grown up.
Just because you weren't allowed to trick or treat at 12, doesn't mean kids and parents who do not have a cut off are childish or wrong.
This isn't about being childish or not wanting to grow up. It's about having fun.
I asked BS13 if he wanted to
I asked BS13 if he wanted to get a costume, he does not. This is not cool for him at his age and he really wasn't all that excited about it last year.
BS13 asked if he could take DD1 up to the door instead, that's fine with me.
First of all, I didn't tell
First of all, I didn't tell DH she couldn't go. I am not being petty as you so love to say to oh "everyone". If SD11 wants to say BS13 has so can I and that happens, then she will be treated like BS13. This isn't a chose to be a kid when it's conveinent for you but not when it's not.
She can go all she wants, if she dresses inappropriately, I will be taking my kids with me and not going with them as I dont want my BD9 to think that's appropriate for a girl her age.
So now go ahead and continue to attack me over it. Whatever.
I'd say just make sure she
I'd say just make sure she has a costume and go with the family - no need to go separately.
For what it's worth, my favorite T&T's last year to come to my house were a group of high school students who dressed up as Star Wars characters. The youngest had to be at least 16! But they were having SO much fun with it, and had clearly put so much effort into it, that I thought it was a blast.
I know everyone has different
I know everyone has different ideas on cutoff ages, if at all. That's why I asked to see if maybe it's a area thing or just a parent to parent decision.
I was told at 13, no more trick or treating, time to leave some childish things behind, that was one of them. We dont get trick or treaters, so BS will just come along and walk with us at a friends neighborhood.
I really get to the point where I'm irritated at the fact, that no one seems to want the SKIDS to grow up. Isn't there a cutoff to most things in life? Who decides this? the kid or the adult? Is it universal or is it just a this is what I decied thing?
I think the teens getting together for a supervised costume party is the way to go personally, notice I said SUPERVISED.
I have no intention of telling DH what to do with his precious princess's anymore but if it is embarrassing or inappropriate, I wont be taking part in it. Just wanted to get that out there as it's been kind of bugging me that, SDs decide when they will be a kid or when they are going to be all grown-up. :?
I think you should let them
I think you should let them decide when they want to stop Trick or Treating. 13 isn't too old in my opinion. As long as people dress up, I don't think there is an age limit. Also, keep in mind that older siblings will enjoy childish things longer since they have younger siblings. Let them enjoy it. Yall are going anyways, why try to exclude a few? For the 11 year old, go to Walmart and get her a full length Witch Costume. They cover everything and come in adult sizes.
It sounds like bs13 doesnt
It sounds like bs13 doesnt even want to go trick or treating, it sounds like he is more interested in helping out with his younger sister dd1. I am in the UK, so we have a different perspective on trick or treating, however I agree at some point when kids are in their teens they should really start helping out with younger siblings, family members and mature a bit although I do think there is nothing wrong with innocent fun (I like stuffing my face with halloween treats lol and I am in my 30s).
I must admit it would really grate on me that sd11 expects to be treated like bs13. She is NOT 13, she is 2 years younger and although its relatively normal for siblings (stepsiblings) to whinge about things being unfair, not equal, that is fricking life. It cant be equal because 1)she has different parents and therefore likely different rules 2) what you decide for bs is not her concern tbh 3) she is 2 years younger and until she reaches adulthood, there will always be a difference because its a fact, shes younger. I remember whinging cos my brother is 2 years older, sometimes my parents made sure things were equal (where reasonable and possible) but sometimes cos he was older he was able to do more things! My parents would tell me "your brother is older. Hes not missing out because its not suitable for you, as you are younger or a girl, when you are his age you can do x..."
Does dh put her in her place when its necessary and appliable? Ofcourse she wants to go trickor treating, shes 11, but I can understand your annoyance due to sd11 insistence on things being fair, but I would use this to your advantage. When sd11 next unfairly complains bs is or has x and she doesnt, everythingmust be fair, explain to her that no it sometimes doesnt as she IS 2 yrs younger. She gets to wait. Remind her that if you hear "everything must be equal"BS one more time then it will truely be fair, including when bs is too old for x (like halloween dressing up) the same will be applicable to sd. So in effect she will begin to miss out on things she loves because if she insists her and bs be treated equally (think of other examples she would hate to change). This may shut her down and actually insist on her losing out if she continues. As for inappropriate attire, warn dh that most adult females outfits tend to be on the sideof sexy. Inform him, you are concerned about her choices and should she dress inappropriately for her age, she will not be trick or treating with you, dd1 and bs. Dh choice what to do, but you have told him where you stand!
Just as you get to "decide"
Just as you get to "decide" that your son isn't ToTing this year at 13, Dad gets to "decide" that his 11yo IS - AND he gets to decide what is okay for her to wear.
I Have learned after 10 years
I Have learned after 10 years of being a step-parent, to let it go if it's not your kid and stay in your own lane. Jumanji is 100% correct, you can decide for your kid and he can decide for his.
No Age limit on the trick or treating ..... but rules on costume
I see no reason to exclude anyone from trick or treating. Any kids ANY age that want to dress up and trick or treat be respectful and have some fun is ok in my book!! No reason to think a 13 needs to grow up and trick or treating has nothing to do with being grown up. Walk into any bar the weekend before Halloween. Costumes everywhere!!! I would much rather have kids trick or treating than drinking and doing Heroin.
With that said I think it is VERY appropriate to speak up about costumes whether they are going with you or not. You tell your DH that children need to be in appropriate costumes period end of story!!! You also tell him you will be inspecting all costumes. It is so appropriate for a SM or mom to speak up. I would speak up if it was my neighbors kid or a kid I hardly knew no problem!!