Had a terrible SM and I'm turning into the same mean SM to SD...
My step mom was AWFUL. She made me sit in my wet pants for hours when I had an accident. She always had a bad attitude towards me and my whole family. I always felt unwelcome in her home. When I was 15 she called me a slut. Over all she was and is a miserable woman that made me never want to hang out at my dad's house.
My SD is 6 years old and her mother is, well, not the best mom in the world and down right evil most of the time. I really dislike her, but try my best to get along with her. SD has a lot of issues because of how she was raised thus far. At 4 years old she wouldn't speak to anyone. She hadn't been taught her colors/numbers/Abc's - nothing. I can't blame that all on BM, her father is also partially to blame. However, he was deployed for a while and worked full time and went to school full time. And while he was working and serving our country, she was raising her kid with an Ipad. She didn't want to potty train SD until she was "ready" so she didn't start potty training until she was 4 at dad's insistance. 2 years ago when I met her she was tested by the school district and they told her father she was on the verge of being labeled disabled because of how far behind she was. She tested in the 3rd percentile for speech and the .5th percentile for fine motor skills.
Fast forward 2 years and she is doing MUCH better developmentally. We've worked really hard with her to get her up to speed. She's still a little behind in reading but she's a whiz at math and really social these days. However we are having so many other issues. She pees her pants on a regular basis. Almost every night and every day. She pees her pants at school, at tae kwon do, at home, alllll the time. Sometimes she just sits down where she is and pees. She's also having behavioral problems in school. Stealing is a big one. She's been taking other kids toys and jewelry and saying that it's her own or that someone gave it to her. The teacher is having a really hard time controlling her in class. Dad has ADHD and we're pretty sure SD does as well, but she hasn't been tested yet. We're working on it.
Ok, so after all that.. For a long time I've been totally gung ho on being the best SM I can be. I've been instrumental in helping her with school work and potty training and everything else I could help with. Recently though, I am turning into an awful SM. I'm extremely short with her, she irritates me a the drop of a dime. The peeing all of the time makes me crazy, she doesn't listen to ANYTHING. I have to repeat myself a million times to get her to do anything. I just don't seem to have the patience for her anymore. Yesterday I asked her to throw away a piece of string her was carrying around and she burst into tears. That was it for me. I wanted to rip the string out of her hand and throw it away! I didn't, but I wanted to. I don't know where the anger and hostility is coming from, but it's really concerning me. And it's EVERY day. As soon as she walks in the room I find myself getting irritated. Which isn't really fair considering I'm angry at a 6 year old for doing nothing at all.. Believe me, I understand that it's ridiculous.
Has anyone else experienced anything like this? Do you have any tips for getting through it?