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OT - toddler, pee, and parenting question

moeilijk's picture

Ok. I live in the Netherlands. There are lots of outdoor shopping malls, so no public toilets or foodcourts or anything like that.

I have a toddler. She's toilet-trained, but we need to respond swiftly to the call of nature.

She pees before we leave any area that has a toilet. But sometimes she has to go before we are back in a toilet-occupied zone.

I have recently purchased a 'Potette' (not used yet) for on-the-go peeing. But what I had in mind was for peeing in a dirty normal toilet (it's a kids' toilet seat) or for when we are at the park or possibly the side of the road and not near a roadstop (it's a potty with a disposable liner). Of course I took this out of my purse before leaving this morning, and today's events were caused by an unplanned shopping trip.

However, what if you're in the outdoor shopping mall, your kid needs to pee, you walk into a store and ask... and they say NO.

I said I hope she doesn't pee on their floor before we leave, since she has to go really badly. And I gave a snarky look.

On the one hand, I get it - there's no obligation to allow customers (or non-customers) to use your toilet. On the other, I wish my kid had peed all over their merchandise and pooped on their heads.

In any event, we found another store who let us use their toilet, so disaster averted.

What do you / would you do? Would you pull out the potty and have her go on the sidewalk outside? Would you have her pee her pants?

Comments

moeilijk's picture

There is a bigger store (about the size of a small clothing store, but it's the largest single store in the area). I have used the toilet there before with DD. However, it was about a 5 minute walk away, and once you go into the store, it's another 2-3 minutes to the toilet location (it's like Ikea, you have to go in circles to get anywhere!).

I don't have a car. We go everywhere on the bicycle. I do have the potty, but I wouldn't have had much privacy.

I don't often do much shopping - not my thing. The bigger store is the grocery store, which I do go to regularly although DH does most of the grocery shopping - since I only have the bicycle, I can't carry much to start with, and I usually have DD with me.

Just to give you an idea of the attitude, most non-fancy restaurants ask you to pay an additional 50 cents to use the toilet, even when you're dropping 20 euros per person in the restaurant.

moeilijk's picture

I just don't shop that often. If we were at the park and this happened, I'd have whipped out my new porta-potty lol. Because DD and I talk a lot about who pees and poos outside and who pees and poos in the toilet. So I don't want her to be peeing outside like an animal... she could interpret it as license to pee around the house! (Most likely not, but toddlers are odd creatures.)

I guess what I could have done, had I had my porta-potty with me and had I not found the other store to let us pee there, is to just try to find a discreet spot to let her pee in the potty.

I'm not sure how densely populated the US is, but before living here, I lived in Canada. The Netherlands is 125x more densely populated, so there is pretty much a crowd wherever you go. It's really weird. So discretion is a relative term, I think.

moeilijk's picture

It seems like everyone just b!tches about it. Or lets their kid pee 'discreetly' outside. But like I said... discreet is as discreet does. I think discreet is when there is very little possibility that anyone might see. In NL, if no police officer is looking directly at you, then you're being discreet.

2Tired4Drama's picture

Sadly, this is a common situation in many places in Europe. I've lived in both places and must say that returning to the USA is such a "relief" when it comes to bathroom situations.

As downsouth indicated, sometimes you have to purposely become a customer in order to use the facilities. I know this is very common when in Italian bars/cafes/gelato places. If you have an emergency with your DD, you might have to pick a place where you can quickly pick up some candy, a can of soda, etc. and simultaneously ask to use their facilities (before handing the money over). Just figure it is part of the cost of living in a different culture.

The first time I lived in Europe was many decades ago - back then, we commonly saw people holding little ones over the curbs and they just did their business in the gutter. We also saw many adults (mostly men) picking a spot along a wall or in an alleyway.

moeilijk's picture

Don't even start about weird Italian purchasing rules! Well... Roman anyways!

I was with a friend, and she wanted to pay for her own coffee, so she ordered separately. I'd already asked for a seat, so she said she'd order and join me. Well, drama ensued.

They made her coffee, but when she went to take it with her to join me, they took it back. They insisted on seating her, then taking her order, then making her a new coffee.

Because, you know... she wasn't going to drink it standing at the coffee bar. So that's a whole different coffee service.

2Tired4Drama's picture

Yes, ha ha! Sitting at the table means paying at least double or triple! That's because you get served by a professional waiter, who gets paid a salary. Thus, the higher price than what it costs standing at the counter. The good part about this custom is that if you do pay to sit down, you "own" that table as long as you want to sit there. IMO, that's a wonderful part of the dolce vita attitude which I do enjoy! It is well worth the higher cost of a coffee or drink to be able to sit at that cafe table and watch the world go by for an hour or more. Plus, you get to use the bathroom before you leave! Smile

2Tired4Drama's picture

Oh, and when I was in China more than 20 years ago, all the toddlers were wearing split-crotch pants. They simply let loose wherever they needed to!

moeilijk's picture

She's pretty good about the whole thing in general. It's only come up a couple of times so far - today, I had forgotten to check when she last used the toilet and I don't know when/how much she drank at the childcare (I'd picked her up from the gym childcare). So I was surprised at she asked to go within about 30 minutes of leaving.

The other day we were out about an hour, maybe an hour fifteen... and a fifteen minute walk from home. That time we were in a park, so I discreetly let her just pee outside. And ordered my Potette that night.

I tend to have to pee a lot, so I already arrange my life to try to be no more than 90 minutes away from any toilet myself. And DD, for some reason, eats a lot more in the mornings than in the afternoons, and drinks a lot more in the afternoons than in the mornings. She has a sippy cup, but rarely uses it - just in her bed in case she gets thirsty. We generally only have food and drink available at meal and snacktimes, sitting at the table. I do offer her extra liquids throughout the day, when it's hot out or when I get something for myself.

I think it's a more a case of how to handle the one-offs, rather than how to avoid a situation that occurs too frequently, IYKWIM. As well as a case of affronted cultural norms... as a Canadian, if I saw you through the window, walking down the street, and I thought you might have to pee, I'd go outside and insist you come in and use my toilet, stay for a meal and possibly escort you home. As a (practically) Dutch person, if I saw you through the window, I'd reposition my nice stuff so that you know how great my nice stuff is and make sure the curtains are open so you can admire all my nice stuff. Then I'd take it all upstairs with me at night so you can't steal it. (The taking nice stuff upstairs to avoid theft is as told to me by my former neighbour who had a nice TV. I kid you not.)

Maxwell09's picture

I used to pack extra clothes in the back just in case of accidents. Most of America's fastfood restaurants and diners have public bathrooms. I was lucky with SS4 because as a boy I can pull over and open the car doors around him and let him point to the ground and handle business. On long road trips my parents did the same for us.