I have been with my husband for almoat 5 years. We have been married 3 of those 5. We are a blended family because I have 2 children S11 and D9 from a previous marriage and he has a S12. Since we have been together we have added 2 more children to our family S2.5 and D1. My SS12 has been with us the whole time and has no contact with his mother since I have known him. (Mother has lots of issues and even though I haven' met her I dislike her for may of the things that she has done to her children. She also has a daughter, my SS's half sister, that lives with grandmother and has never met her.) (He gets to see his half sister often and we have a decent relationshio with husbands ex in-laws)
Things were great for the longest time. My SS lives with us and I consider him mine. The problems have started in the last year to year and a half. I am old fashioned and so to some extent is my husband. We expect our children to do chores, keep their rooms clean and make good grades as well as be respectful to others. If They don' do these things there are conseqences. In the last year and a half my SS has made low grades and because of this he has been grounded off and on. Our belief is that all of our children are capable or making an 80 or higher in school. When their grades fall below 80 the are assigned study time after school (1-2 hours where their focus is homework and reading).
SS HAS had study time frequently and has even been completely grounded ( from everything) due to failing grades. He has developed an I don't care attitude about everything. When doing his chores he has begun doing them half way or some times not at all. He has an attitude about everything and even raises his voice to me in anger when asked to help ordo something he doesn't want to. Sometimes I feel like he purposefully does things wrong just to frustrate me and others. ( Ex: Asked boys to help my mom mow her yard because she ia 65 and has problems with her leg. SS gripes about having to mow and when it is his turn mows in zig zags and misses huge spots before finally quitting because he says its too hard. My S11has already mowed majority of yard. My walks out to check yard and gets frustrated to tears by his behavior and tries to finish it herself, but my son takes over and finishes for her.)
The only thing he seems to care about his going to his grandmothers house and seeing his half sister. I almost get the impression from the way he acts that his other younger siblings half and step aren' t really family in his mind. Some days are really bad and I almost feel like throwing my hands up and being done.
I feel like something is going on but I don' know what. SS's grandmother blames my husband because hes a gamer and often play games after work to unwind, or she says it because of how he lived before my husband got custody. My husband gets frustrated with SS but says the attitude is because I nag SS and other kids. My friends and his other family members make excuses for him. My mom and sister see his behavior but everyone else seems oblivious. Advise please!