First time poster with some questions
I found this site about a month ago and I finally got the courage to post. I have been married 3 years and he has a daughter who is 8. She is a great kid and I really dont have any major issues with her other then the typical 8 year old stuff. The issue is with her mom. We have her EOW and weekends. Everytime we try to do things with her or have her try new things, its always the same excuse. She says she is allowed to or that mom wont let her do it. She wont even try without moms "permission". I have noticed that when she does do something without getting approval from mom, she gets in trouble and scolded. The other day, we went to go play putt-putt and decided to ride the go karts. We convinced her it was OK and that she didnt need moms permission to do it. Later that night she was on the phone telling her mom how much fun she had and I can her her mom telling her how dangerous it is and its unacceptable to do those sort of things without asking her first!
She is contstantly getting in trouble for the smallest things when she is at her moms house. I can tell that her mom makes her ask her for everything. When she is thirsty, instead of simply getting up and going to get a drink, she asks if she can have one. Her bedtime there is 7:30 and here its 8:30. She will tell us that she isnt allowed to stay up that late.
She still sometimes wets the bed.....no big deal it only happens maybe once every 2 weeks, rarely twice, Like I said no big deal, I just change her sheets and tell her not to worry about it. She is extremely sad when it happens and appologizes up and down. But, what bothers me is that her mom still puts a diaper on her every night at her house. In my opinion, I feel she is way too old to be wearing a diaper. She told me that she has to wear it until she stops and mom gets mad if she tells her that she doesnt want to wear it. I dont know how often she wets the bed there but like I said, I feel she is too old be wearing a diaper.
Are these "normal" behaviors from a mom in a two household environment to hold back or critcize your own child? Could she be doing it out of spite or does she seriously not know how she is treating her daughter? Its getting more and more difficult to do anything at our house when she always tells us that she isnt allowed to. I feel sad when she asks if she can eat, drink or go to the bathroom.
God bless and have a great day!
Patricia
He has a daughter. You
He has a daughter. You mention this girl's father once? You change her sheets when she wets the bed? Why? What is her father doing?
Patricia- you need to take a step back from this situation and let the father have a say in how he deals with his daughter in his own home.
It is obvious the BM Mothers
It is obvious the BM Mothers using guilt and words that break down her self esteem. Create a home where she feels safe whenever she comes over.
Some people are not flexible
Some people are not flexible as parents. You deal with the bed-wetting better than her mom. It's nice that you are flexible, especially as her SM.
I'd say it sounds like two very different parenting styles are at work. Some parents really can only cope with being parents if the kid has limited opportunity to mess up the house, limited opportunity to stray, limited decisions about their own existence. My mom was like this -- if anything happened that was off the charts (dog bites the kid, kid stays out past curfew, kid won't wear clothes parent chose) it threw my mother into a frenzy. That was hellish.
It sounds as if BM runs a tight ship -- maybe that's the only way she can parent and keep it together. That might not be a bad thing for you -- you can be the nurturing, touchy feely parent to her sergeant general. It will give you an in most SMs don't have.
As your SD gets older, she'll naturally become more rebellious and start stretching the rules. That's normal too. But for now, I'd just let BM parent how she must and I'd be there for SD to feel loved and comforted. Yours is the easy job right now!
Awww!! Poor little thing!!
Awww!! Poor little thing!! She sounds like a little sweetheart