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the ex and step children

lizdel's picture

I hope someone can give me some advice on my problem. Seems as though I am always having a problem with my blended family. Step kids live with their Mum.
My H and I have been married for a few months (lived together for awhile) and I feel I am a pretty fair person. My adult stepchildren aged 26, 21 and 18 have been very disrespectful of me since the first time we met. As soon as they see me they look at each other then look up and roll their eyes, then totally ignore me!!! Did I say they are adult? Sounds like little children.
I have spoken on many occasions to my H about this and he will just say " they are quality kids and you hate them!!!) GRRRRR...
Anyway, his ex has become quite nasty since we married. She will yell and scream on the phone to my H about issues with the kids....One occasion was that Hubbie was working and 18yr SS had a high school function which H couldnt make. Well hell broke loose and she went on to say that he should have seen how the private education has made his son what he is. (pity the school didnt teach manners!!!!). Well since then the step children will call their dad asking him to meet them at their grandma's nursing home ( husb. mother) as Mum is going with them. He will tell them that they are old enough to go alone! Now the ex wife is calling saying that she is going to see her ex mother in law regularly from now on.I feel uncomfortable with the visits in case she turns up. With all the problems I have been having of late, I have been diagnosed with panic disorder. I like my motherinlaw but I do not want to be put in an uncomfortable position! Can anyone offer some advice please???

sam's picture

are all adults why the hell is she still calling your dh it should have ended by now!!!They ARE ADULTS and i would make that clear to your dh there is no reason why she should call.

stepmom929's picture

I guess the 18yo I understand, but why in the world are your husband and his ex so involved in the life of their kids??? It sounds like these kids need to GET A LIFE!
I guess since they are adults you should simply just try to distance yourself from as much as you can from them and this weird situation...I would explain to your husband that you don't have a problem with his kids, but they seem to have one with you, so you'd rather just take a step back from it all. When you have to be around them just try to be polite and pleasant and don't let them get to you. Sorry you are in such a sticky spot, I hope you can find some peace!

betterman's picture

Crayon summed it up pretty well.
The hubby needs to step up to the plate! And follow through.