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DW starting to back down

paul_in_utah's picture

Well, it's been an interesting week in StepHell....

Quick recap for those who might have missed the prior installments: SD20 was recently discharged from the Army for unspecified medical reasons. Apparently part of it was due to a heart condition, but part was also due to her being overweight and unable to hit the required weight target. DW agreed to let SD20 (aka "Porky") move into our house, along with her husband "Taco." I was not consulted, and I learned that DW and Porky had been planning this move for months, but DW only gave me a few days of notice before Porky and Taco arrived. I've had many fights with DW over this whole issue, and was getting very close to filing for divorce.

So this week, a situation came up that was related to Porky, but did not directly involve her. I don't want to reveal the exact details because it would make it too easy to identify me. There was some ugliness involved between this other individual and myself, and after that happened, Porky and Taco decided to move in with Porky's grandmother. Apparently, they didn't want to "stay where they weren't welcome." DUH!!! Of course they weren't welcome here! That should have been obvious from the get-go - I was only going along with it because of the strong-arm tactics employed by DW. Whatever.

DW had stated that if I did anything to make Porky and Taco move out, then she would move out too, and would file for divorce. I let DW know that something indeed had happened, and although it didn't involve me directly interacting with Porky, that Porky was moving out. I braced myself for the expected ass-reaming and "I'm filing for Divorce!" pronouncement, but......nothing happened. DW came home from work as normal, and we had a normal evening, sans Porky and Taco.

The next night, DW allowed me to go out by myself in the evening (which is a rarity), and she had Porky and Taco over for dinner. Last night, Porky, Taco, BitchMotherInLaw, and BitchMotherInLaw's lickspittle boyfriend came over for dinner. I hung out by myself in the mancave, and once everyone left, DW and I had a normal evening. appears that DW has resigned herself to Porky and Taco not living here. I really don't care if they end up settling in the area long-term, as long as they don't live under our roof. If DW wants to have dinners with them and spend time with them, that's fine with me, so long as it's not an every night thing. It's not like I don't want her to have a relationship with her daughter. I just don't want to be around when they are together.

Things aren't necessarily settled yet, but I feel a lot better. DW and I are going away for a romantic weekend (no Porky or Taco, thankfully), and we'll see how things go. Despite the problems, I do love DW, and enjoy a lot of the things that we get to do together. I just don't like the way she panders to and enables Porky, nor do I like meddling BitchMotherInLaw. If we can keep things separated, I'm ok with that. We'll just have to see how it goes.

Amcc13's picture

Well it's great that there gone- that's what you have wanted from the start
Can I still suggest that you protect yourself as best you can- nanny cams , put money hidden away somewhere she can't get to , etc
I just don't think your done. I just don't think she lets you off the hook so easy considering what she has just put you through
I feel like this is part of the plan or part of something that will be twisted on you

Sorry if that sounds offensive- I know you say you love your wife and I don't want to upset you
I just can't believe this is the end and after all the shite of the last few weeks that you will get off this lightly- keep your wits about you Paul

paul_in_utah's picture

That has definitely crossed my mind....that this could be part of a bigger plan, or that she is pivoting into a new plan..... I will just play it by ear. I'm certainly not handing over money to DW (since it might go straight to Porky), nor will I tolerate them being over here all the time. They aren't coming tonight, and we'll be gone all weekend, so that will be a few days.

It would be nice to see DW contribute more the home finances, but I literally make 4X what she does, and that is a tough sell even in the best of times. I would have to pay the household expenses even if she were gone, and I'm not spending extravagantly on DW. I am working on squirreling away some of my money, though.

DarkStar's picture

Paul, this makes me sad....."DW allowed me to go out by myself in the evening"

ALLOWED you????? Paul, you are a man. Please do not let your wife emasculate you. Stand up for yourself.....hell, she might even like it. I find it very sexy when my SO stands up for himself....even to me sometimes!

ybarra357's picture


paul_in_utah's picture

Well, that's a big deal, because if I do too much stuff by myself, I might cheat on her. After all, I am **devastatingly**

I really am not sure why she thinks I could just walk out of the house and bed a woman. I can honestly say that in nearly 20 years of marriage, there has not been a single incident of another woman flirting with me. I've tried using that to reassure DW, but anecdotal evidence doesn't seem to phase her. Neither do my reassurances that I wouldn't **want** to cheat even if I could. But that's part of the "normal crazy" that I am used to facing. I can handle that kind of stuff, but Porky and Taco moving in.......not so much.

Gimlet's picture

Stop putting yourself down. Handsome is different to everyone, and as my mom used to say "Handsome is as handsome does" and she should know because my dad was an "attractive" a-hole.

This sounds more like control, and maybe some insecurity, than anything. This isn't about you, it's about her.

paul_in_utah's picture

I know, it's pretty messed up. I actually feel guilty that Porky and Taco are gone, and feel that I should be extra nice to DW, just for bringing things back to the way they were before. This, of course, doesn't make sense rationally. Emotionally, though, I guess I'm so relieved that it **feels** like I should be extra nice to DW. Still sorting this out in my head, and I have started seeing a therapist.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Keep squirreling $$ away Paul, and try to keep a little emotional distance between you and your wife. She seems most comfortable thinking she has you firmly under her paw, so keeping her slightly off balance might be in your best interest. If she thinks she got through this scrape unscathed,she WILL push boundaries again in the future.

This skirmish may be over, but you're still losing the war. Remember, DW was willing to use subterfuge and risk damaging your marriage in order to enable her loser daughter. She put you dead last, a place you certainly don't deserve. Take care of yourself.