DH wants to move out of state, we don't have full custody what can we do.
Forums:
I need some advise. I need to know how we approach the subject with the ex that we are moving out of state. We have the kids now 183 overnights per year and we realize we would go down to about 78 or 80 overnights per year and pay more in child support. Can she legally stop us from moving out of state?
NO!
she cant stop u from doing anything...as long as he is prepared to see his kids less and pay more CS, that is your choice.
dont approach the subject as you are asking for permission...just tell her. look we've decided to move out of state, reasons are none of her business and this is what we are prepared to provide...u may have to go to court, or at least have the arrangement modified but it can be done.
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
Yes he is fully prepared to
Yes he is fully prepared to pay more child support and see his kids less. For the last 3 years she has made our lives horrible. We have to be at her beck and call but she still tries to get more money anytime the kids need anything. Child Support,Alimony and paying for health care premiums just isn't enough. There is always more more more. Meanwhile I am completely broke and trying to hang onto whatever I have left including my dignity. Did anyone else DH decide to move out of state and if so did it help the situation or make it worse?
We moved out of state and everything got better.
My DH is the NCP, has EOW visitation and does not share legal custody. BM has full legal and physical custody. DH retired from the military and we had to make a decision about what to do with the rest of our lives. He chose a civilian job that required a move several states away. He made this choice because BM wasn't letting him get regular visitation and we were tired of fighting with her over every little thing. Our life got very quiet very quickly and stayed quiet for some time. Eventually, I started reaching out to BM and the skids in small ways. Eventually, they started responding. BM has since apologized for her bad behavior and we have reached a sort of peace. The skids are coming next month for their first visit in almost three years. We could have taken her back to court to enforce visitation, but I don't think we would be where we are now if we had. I think we would still be fighting with her. We've gotten the kids less, but we've gotten more peace for all parties. She was fine with the move, but then she never liked giving them up for visits, anyway.
It improved the situation with BM immediately, and it has continued to improve over time. The situation with the skids did suffer as a result of DH not being a constant presence in their lives, but that is now improving, too.
♥ ANNE 8102 ♥
oh i completely understand
our BM is really bad too so i completely understand. hope u didnt think i was judging...
there are some people on here who decided to move and have much better quality of life now. some even have good relationships w the kids bc the kids recognize what BM is like...trust me, most kids see whats going on once theyre old enough. if its as bad as u say, then how could it really get worse so whats to lose w moving away? sometimes thats just life and how it has to be.
u do know though, that u dont have to pay for anything thats not covered in the parenting plan? thats what CS is for and she cant take u to court for that unless it specifically states u need to pay for certain extras.
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
What state are you in?
If he were the NCP, I would say no, the courts can't stop it. He has 50/50 placement now and probably also has joint legal custody, and I think that makes a big difference. The court may not approve the move, unless it can be proven the move is for a good reason, will not hinder the ongoing relationship with either parent, will enhance the lives of the moving party and the children, etc., etc., etc. If the BM agrees with the change in custody, then that'll make for smoother sailing, definitely. If she doesn't want to change the 50/50 arrangement, you may have an uphill battle ahead of you.
♥ ANNE 8102 ♥
He only has the kids 1/3 of
He only has the kids 1/3 of the time but I think they still are considered to have joint custody. We are thinking that if we just simply state that he is transferring for his work than there won't be much of a fight since that is where she gets all her money from his employement. All I keep thinking about is how we don't have to hear from her every other weekend on where to take the kids and when based on her schedule and no consideration for ours. I won't miss the dirty looks or going back into court because we can't pay for everything she wants when she wants it. It does state in his parenting plan that they will agree to extra expenses before they are incurred, which never happens. She just does stuff and tells us later expecting him to pay for 57% of whatever she decides to deem approriate. That issue might not go away if we move out of state, but I am thinking it will be harder to complain about it 800 miles away. I can't wait and will do anything at this point to get away from the madness. I just literally have given up and this is my last ditch effort to save our marriage. Did anyone else think this way before they moved out of state?
Maybe on paper.
If he physically has them 183 overnights a year, that's half. If it were only 121, that'd be 1/3. If he's getting them more than what's on paper (1/3), then he's getting screwed in CS, anyway. CS is probably calculated with consideration given to how many days each parent has the kids. If he's only getting credit for having them 121 days when he actually has them 183 days, then he's overpaying, anyway, regardless of extras. He's paying for those 62 days that HE has the kids. That sucks.
I think a lot of this could be avoided if your DH would insist on sticking to the order and establishing firm boundaries to protect your home and their visits from her interference. If the order stipulates extras must be agreed upon beforehand, then he doesn't have to pay if he doesn't consent prior to her incurring the expense. I don't think moving away will necessarily make her behave any better and if she relies on him for "babysitting" services, she may blow a major gasket over it and continue to make your life hell. If she's the time, she might try convincing the kids that he "abandoned" them. He's the real problem, I think, and unless he firms up some boundaries, those problems may follow you wherever you go.
♥ ANNE 8102 ♥