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Advice on Allowance for stepdaughter...

sshoho's picture

Please post advice on how to deal with allowance for my 14 year old stepdaughter. We pay $800 per month to her mother for child support. Her mother took her illegally out of the state and sends her back MAYBE once a year (we've gone as long as a year and half without seeing her)..but never stopped payments.

We get about 2-5 day notice that my stepdaughter is coming which requires me to rearrange my schedule. The last time she stayed for 3 weeks.

Her mother sends her WITHOUT A SINGLE DIME. Should we have to give her allowance? I work 3 parttime jobs to pay rent and we really don't have a lot of extra money. When she comes it costs a lot to have her.

Please advise.

StressedinCanada's picture

Tough one. I would say depends on how the daughter treats you when she is visiting. If she has a bad attitude then no. But if she is decient and helps out then I would give $20/week.

sshoho's picture

My stepdaughter is not rude, she is passive aggressive. She is always polite.

I guess I feel that her mother should give her some kind of money when she travels (my mother never let me leave the house without emergency money) She comes without a dime. But I'm tired of giving her money.

PS I was taught as a child chores were expected and you get no financial reward for doing your share, but I guess those days are gone.


Anonymous's picture

I would suggest that you make sure she works for it, so she knows the value of it. Have her do chores around the house, and make it an amount for each chore... that way, if she slacks off, it's her own fault. She could have had more money if she step up to the plate and earned it.

sshoho's picture

We live in a tiny two bedroom apartment so there is very little to do as compared to my parents 5 bedroom home with big yard. She is also a pig -- so when she cleans the counters or assists with dishes, she doesn't rinse them and I end up having to do them again. Hubby even remarks what a pig she is, just like her mom.


Mary Louise's picture

it is YOUR house. you are the adult who is allowed to make the rules for your house. If you decide that money won't be freely given, then let her know the rules for earning money. easier said than done, i know.

sshoho's picture

I know what is right and what is wrong. I know that the advice everyone types is not rocket science - it's simple, common sense. So why is stepparenting so difficult to administer? We all know what it takes to be a good parent/stepparent?

I just get so frustrated with the lack of control within my own household. Where is June Cleaver when I need her?

sparky's picture

The fact that you sometimes go 11/2 years without seeing her and that when she comes she only stays 3 weeks would color my opinion about when and how much to give. If I didn't want to give her cash then I would let her choose somethings she wanted.