DH, BM and SS all want him to live with us
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Ss is 13. He is in a lot of trouble at school. Smoking pot, underage drinking, stealing school property, stealing from his friend's parents, destroying school property. BM seems to have given up and has never really supervised or patented much his whole life. He is now on an in school suspension, his 3rd this school year. Now they all want SS to come live with us and DH (dear husband) has started to reach out to lawyers to switch custody. Please help me. I have 2 young daughters that I don't want around SS as he is a bad influence.
What is your husband's plan
What is your husband's plan to try to turn this kid around?
I understand you not wanting him there, I wouldn't either, but he's 13, your husband is his father, and this kid needs some parenting. And perhaps counseling and anger management!
Sorry you are going through this, I would be beside myself. But you get that your husband wants to help his son, correct?
Unfortunately you may need to
Unfortunately you may need to be ready to leave the home if you are unwilling to live with the boy.
I'm not saying your wrong but its a fact of life for a stepparent that at any moment the stepchild could come live with their biopartent full time and that's what's happening here.
Now before throwing in the towel I would have a sit down with DH. Possibly even consider doing it with a therapist.
Discuss what MUST happen for you to remain in the home, discuss what you would really like, and then the "it would be nice if" stuff.
There's no telling what will happen when the child moves in with you since it's a completely different environment. It could lead to major changes in the boys environment.
When it's all said and done though remember this is his child. He's going to see things very different from you.
It's always been a back and
It's always been a back and forth with BM asking us to take SS. Every other month she will mention it. Anyways, DH (dear husband) swears up and down that he will do whatever it takes to discipline and correct his son but I mean it's been 13 years and he has basically never been more than an uncle type to him. Yes they have a good relationship and love each other but SS 's needs are very particular and DH (dear husband) is just not cut out for that. As for our girls, DH (dear husband) loves them also l, but works alot and does not step up to parent them unless I specifically ask him to do something.
If SS has a history of sexual
If SS has a history of sexual touching, he can not be in your home!
There is no way that DHs right to have his son live with him trumps your girls right to be protected.
If DH is adamant that he and only he can help SS, then the two of them need to get an apartment and some serious therapy.
I did end up talking to his
I did end up talking to his therapist and getting the necessary documents surrounding the case. He has been cleared and is no longer a threat to reoffend according to his therapist. Even so I am not comfortable with him being alone with my kids. DH is offended that I am not willing to give a kid another chance to be normal.
His sons second chance comes
His sons second chance comes at the expense of his daughters!
I get it, this feels like a Sophie’s choice for him. However, his first priority should be to protect the innocent people in his life.
Ask him how he will feel if if his son violates the girls in any way? How will his daughters feel knowing that their father sacrificed them to his son?
Let him move out and attempt to make his son normal.
Undoubtedly your ‘hill to die
Undoubtedly your ‘hill to die on’. I barely cope with 2 ostensibly good stepkids, a kid like him being thrust on me and my life would well and truly push me over the edge. Tell DH NO!! If he wants to move out to save this boy then that is up to him. Stick to your guns and I bet DH stays put. Either way, still NO.
Your ss13 deserves to have an
Your ss13 deserves to have an opportunity for a extended Therapeutic environment that will involve school, comprehensive evaluations and therapies etc.
BE thankful your BM see' a problem. Don't clonk her on the head for reaching out.
Example-- Turn About Ranch
You must protect your young
You must protect your young children. Your DH should also be far more focused on protecting his young children even if it is from his elder prior relationship progeny.
This is a tough one.... but... I would suggest that you forbid this child from living in your home. The risky view is not worth the climb of trying to save him while jeopardizing the younger kids.
IMHO of course.