DH has no relationship now with SD14. His philosphy and ours is if you have no relationship with us, you don't get to benefit from our lives. So no gifts. Harsh, maybe, but we are not evil people and have done nothing to deserve her attitude, so she received no Hannukah presents from her Dad and gets no Christmas gifts from me. Her loss, not ours.

I agree with you, Meow. I think he should buy her something. Even if it's something very small.

DH has had zero relationship with SD for years and we stopped purchasing gifts for her - We did include her when we bought our yearly ornament - we gte the make a wish ones every year for the family and I have all her's in a box but we stopped buy gifts. SS will start kind of coming around and we'll end up getting him a $50 gift card to best buy or something.

But I don't think you should get her something just because - if it's that important pick up a gift card but don't mention you have anything for her - if she shows up you'll have something but if she doesn't you can use it on yourselves.

She's 19, not 10. She's capable of having a job and living on her own. She's too old to be acting the way she is and I see no reason to continue to buy someone who is practically an adult a gift if they are disrespectful and nasty. I wouldn't buy her anything.

I agree with Samantha here although she IS an adult! I don;t think you should give her anything. It is called natural consequences! Her choice not to have anything to do with the family for therefore it is her choice not to have anything to with celebrating with you. get it? She needs to understand that her choices have a result weather you like the result or not.

Why do people insist on buying gifts for people who treat them like crap??? I just don't get it.

To make them like you? Because it doesn't, it just reinforces their belief that they can treat you like shit and you will still take it.

To make you feel better? Does it really? I know every time I have tried to do something nice for my SK's and saw how they have treated my husband or our family afterward, I don't feel better AT ALL. I ended up resenting the hell out of it. So why do it? To make yourself look good to others? Not a good enough reason, in my opinion.

I was shopping today and see things I would like to get SD14. But, I absolutely refuse to. DH isn't and yes I feel bad for her, but she created this dynamic when she lied to BM about us and then went to the lawyers to sign the CO modification. She made this bed, she can lie in it. I actually hope she feels bad about it, but she probably won't since BM will spend more on her to compensate DH not doing anything. She even't got her a menorrah and I am sure gifts to go along with it. What is she teaching her by doing that? Seems like these SK get to treat everyone terribly and they never have any consequences. Maybe not spending my money on her will help a little. Teach them something about consequences for poor behavior. Doubt it.