Bullied by my Stepdaughter

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Hi everyone,
I am at the end of my tether with my stepdaughter. She is just an awful human being and I cannot stand to be anywhere near her.

Her behaviour is so extreme and manipulative that I simply don't know what to do. She has hit me, punched me, regularly screams at me in a piercing tone, acts like a toddler refusing and throwing food if we try to dine out as a family. She lives with us every other week and I spend 7 days out of 14 absolutely terrified of what she is going to do next. Today, I put some frozen pineapple in the bin, it was out of date and looked awful but she wanted it and screamed at me and began kicking the glass dining table and throwing her dirty cutlery around the room. I ended up crying and shaking from yet another fraught incident with her. This girl is 12...not 2 as she acts. We can't even walk along in the local shopping centre together, she will place a bag in dads free hand and then hang off his other arm like some kind of leech. All she ever wants from him is money and attention. When she is at her mums she only ever calls to ask for money or a new phone.

My husband openly admits he won't deal with her behaviour because, if confronted, she may decide to move in with her birth mum full time. i live in fear 7 days out of 14 and am totally stressed as a result. My husband has recommended that I start taking pills or supplements to help me deal with the stress, but I have said to him that I am not medicating over a child...he just needs to discipline her.

I am now at the point where I am seriously considering leaving him, explaining that I can't live with her as she is and I want to get out before things turn too bad between us. This has been going on for 7 years now, I thought she would grow out of it but she regresses year on year and I am now dealing with a badly behaved toddler in a grotesque push up bra. Can anyone please offer some advice or am I fighting a losing battle here?

Thank you

Thank you. In my heart I know

Thank you. In my heart I know I am not being honest with myself about this changing. Every other week I have an amazing family life; my husband and I can relax fully around ourselves and two generally very well behaved bio children. It seems every other week he turns into a different person. I wonder what she would have to do for him to NOT defend her. Today, she screamed at me and, a couple of hours later, our five yo decided he would try his luck too (sometimes she tells our boys to treat me badly). Well...I immediately put my son in the corner to think about his actions and what he's done wrong. My husband came in and commented on the youngest being in the corner. I explained he had screamed at me and my husband straight away started telling him off for it...I was fuming...the phrase 'one rule for one and one rule for another' jumps to mind. What he doesn't realise is that in the long term game, if he let her go to live at mums she would behave exactly the same there and end up coming back here. I keep telling him he isn't preparing her for life...you can't scream and punch and kick your boss if they critique your work. What's worse is she is now taller than me and I therefore feel physically threatened in a way I haven't before x

husbands allow themselves to

husbands allow themselves to be castrated by their children especially daughters. one adult sd threatened to hit me. (dh was out of the house.) she was insecure and on the plump side and i am middle age but fit and work out on the corss trainer.

bullies act the way they do because they are insecure.

since dh never came to my aide when she sassed at me, i was left on my own to address the threat. she threatened to beat me up. at this i said by sheer weight she might win in a match between us. that shut her up. the look on her face was priceless. she was also a bully in her school girl years too so the bullying was part of her nature.

i agree that a husband that wont have your back is a coward.

Not only is your husband

Not only is your husband allowingredients this behavior, but you're allowing it as well.

Why aren't you doing anything to stop this? Why do you put up with it?

Honestly, I have tried! Any

Honestly, I have tried! Any discipline I lay down gets openly scoffed at by dad and bio mum. Worse still my husband and I end up arguing over it. One time recently she hit me and my son. I said I was sick of her not being dealt with so I had just called the police (as I would if anyone else assaulted me). Of course, I just wanted to scare her into stopping but she ran down the road calling and screaming out for daddy (who ran after her and took her to the cinema to cheer her up). He then told me that if anything like that happened again,our marriage would be over. So I'm a bit confused, it seems that she can hurt and abuse people and that when there is a consequence she is allowed to run away from it. Of course, she comes back stronger every time and thrives on the power she has over me and her father.

Then there's nothing to save.

Then there's nothing to save. If she is allowed to get physical with you and smaller children and daddy threatens You then yes, it's time to leave the twit. He's a loathsome example of a husband and a father. You deserve better.

I'm so irritated, literally

I'm so irritated, literally every other week we have a perfect family life. He is so relaxed because he knows we are in control of OUR kids and he enjoys spending time with them. Nothing is a struggle, nothing is an argument (the kids do the occasional bit of eye-rolling, but that's kids!). I guess I want to save THAT. Is that wrong of me?

The next time the girl puts

The next time the girl puts her hands on you, knock her on her ass. When your husband says something, flip out on him IN FRONT OF SD. When you are done, tell him if he and his kid can't respect you, they both can get the F out.

Now, one of two things will happen.

1. He will know you mean business and will check his kid.
2. He will file for divorce.

No matter which path he takes, you come out the winner.

Yes, this is the only option

Yes, this is the only option at this point. Take a stand and hold your ground from now on forever!

Thank you. My husband comes

Thank you. My husband comes from a very harmonious family background and doesn't deal with conflict well. His parents have always worked together to do the best for their kids...they were completely spoiled BUT from what I hear and the evidence i see, they kind of deserved to be. They were loving, respectful and thoughtful kids and have grown into great adults. He isn't used to dealing with this kind of manipulation and he is genuinely scared of his own daughter. He doesn't know how to do anything but defend her and knows I am savvy enough and strong enough to see to our boys. I actually feel sorry for him...the girl is just like his narcissistic ex wife and he has no idea how to cope with her. He genuinely believes the behaviour will escalate if he doesn't pander to it. What I don't get is that he is so confident parenting our boys...I have tried to explain to him that's why they are good kids, but he can't seem to grasp it x

If your husband doesn't know

If your husband doesn't know how to deal with an abusive child he NEEDS parenting classes.

You have been given good advise here I suggest you explain to him what you will do the next time she raises her hand in no uncertain terms and then DO IT.

1st she hits you, she gets layed out. (my sd raised her hand to me once. I told her she had 1 second to put her hand down or I would break it off and beat her with the bloody stub. And I was not kidding)

2nd police are notified and she gets arrested. And if he runs after her his and her bags would be waiting outside for his return

This child needs therapy. Probably residential therapy until she can control herself

Thank you. My husband comes

Thanks Sueu2. I just

Thanks Sueu2. I just literally don't understand why he would feel guilty. He has nothing to feel guilty for! Her mother walked out and left (leaving behind an older girl who is not even his, may I say!). He did NOTHING wrong and we got together 3 years after she left...so nothing untoward going on there! Why would he be doing this because he feels guilty??

Short of snatching that

Short of snatching that little witch by the hair every time she gets physical with you, there is very little you can do. (sic) Your DH has made his choice, and sadly, it wasn't you. Perhaps if you left, he would begin to understand how serious this situation is, and do something about it. Perhaps, but not likely. How many more years do you want to waste? The only thing worse than living in hell for 7 years, is living in hell for 7 years and 1 day. KWIM?

I'm being sincere here, it

I'm being sincere here, it will sound like sarcasm.

File charges against the girl when she hits you.

I have a crippled friend with a out of control daughter who does these sorts of things because both her parents are crippled and can't chase her or punish her like non-handicap parents. She got legal advice from her divorce lawyer (yes, imagine that, their marriage failed during all this (ok, that was sarcasm))... he told her to press charges. She did. Girl went to be in front of judge and got a good scare. Straightened her right up.

It's assault. They won't jail her, but she will know you mean business.

^^^This^^^ You need to

^^^This^^^

You need to consider the long-term safety of your boys, and the damage being done to them by witnessing violence and abuse in their home. And do you realize that if your H divorces you, your children will be at the mercy of SD while with their father? Start a journal and document each outburst and violent incident. If you are assaulted, call the police. Maybe a serious dressing down by an officer would put some sense in your H's head.

Document, video, and sound

Document, video, and sound record her abuse. Do it today.

Call police next time she is violent. You need proof and you need to show this as a pattern of abuse.

Leave when you have enough evidence so your children are not allowed to visit with SD in the home.

I can't believe you put up with this for 7 years!

Please protect your young bios from this lunatic and her enabling Disney dad.

I must speak on behalf of the

I must speak on behalf of the child because my cousin was sent back to his bio father from his mom and my uncle because he was out of control. He was 10 years old at the time and they did not want him infecting their own two children so the sent him back to his bio-father 3000 miles away and only took him to visit a few weeks a year. He was the excess baggage and no one wanted to deal with him. He turned to alcohol and is now a 44 year old alcoholic --lovely person byt obviously damaged. I urge you to not give up on this child and insist to your husband there needs to be professional counseling. You are obviously good parents if your own kids are doing well.

Take a tube sock-fill it with

Take a tube sock-fill it with clemtines (mini oranges) and swing on the wench the next time she hits you-seriously.
THERE IS NO REASON FOR A CHILD TO BE ABUSING YOU.

Next time Daddy takes PrinceASS out for a day of cheers-change the locks-toss their shyt on the lawn and be done with it.

Or better yet pack your stuff and leave.

That child is going to seriously hurt you one of these days...and you need to defend yourself.

Call the cops.

"i'm being assaulted by a 12yr old and her parents refuse to do anything about it" BELIEVE ME they will set dad straight and that girl.
because what's going to happen is she's gonna mess with the wrong person who WILL WITHOUT A DOUBT knock her on her bossy little butt.

Parent's can't blame you-she's a product of their shytty parenting.

My SD15 learned real fast not to put her hands on me. She tried once to slap me-I blocked and whacked her clear across the face and she fell on her butt.

Told her if she can dish it, she can take it. My own daughter/niece/nephews I will defend myself if they tried to get violent...but then again they were raised right.

Time for Psycho Kid and Denial Dad to hit the road

I went through this crap w/my

I went through this crap w/my own bio daughter when she was a teen. She was an angry, hormonal, COD who was used to getting her way from exH, grandparents and older boys. Unfortunately she knew that she could get away with anything because she was a minor and I literally had no power to discipline her. If I hit her back then I would be charged w/abuse and ALL of my children would be taken away. Tried to ground her and she just went out her window to be picked up by an older boy waiting for her. When I took her phone exH supplied her with another one. So I had to start filing police reports for everything; every time she hit me, destroyed property, ran away, etc... It was a few sucky years but with lots of help from local authorities, social workers, and therapists we got through it. My daughter was arrested several times and put in residential treatment facilities. It was a rough time. You've got to do whatever it takes to protect yourself.

Yes, this ^^

Yes, this

You def need a nanny cam,

You def need a nanny cam, because if you do get divorced your kids will be spending time at dads alone with this child monster. You need proof that this is going on so that you can hopefully get it put in your CO that the kids can't be together at dads alone.

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Bullied by my Stepdaughter