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I want nothing to do with her

anonymous1306's picture

Another terrible weekend with the bratty stepdaughter... we went and took both kids out (my daughter is 5, my stepdaughter is 3) to the park so my daughter could practive riding her bike with no stabilisers. We had a meltdown after 10 minutes because my stepdaughter wanted my daughters bike (which we put her on but explained that it has no balance so she would fall off) which she then cried because obviously couldnt get it moving. As my daughter then started to ride without her stabilisers, we turned around and his daughter had started to run away towards the main road at the end of the field! 
 We then went to his mums for a bbq and she hit his mum and kicked my partner, and wouldnt stay on the naughty step and kept getting off and saying no. Every single weekend we have, she ruins with her bad behaviour and i've got to the point where im starting to make plans on our kids weekend just to get me and my daughter away from it. I said to my partner over a year ago that her behaviour was bad and i literally saw it coming! He seems to be too proud to admit that i was right and i only get frustrated with him when he paints the daddy's little princess picture when actually she's an arsehole and im getting to the point where i dont want to even look at her or im in a mood as soon as he mentions that he's having her extra. Does it make me a bad person if i say if he has her extra that he has her soley on his own and i want no part in him seeing her 'extra'. I say extra as he has an agreement with his ex that he has every other weekend. 

ESMOD's picture

She is 3.. her behavior doesn't sound really atypical for a child that age.. they can be naughty and defiant.  It's dad's job to make her mind.  You can of course disengage and not spend time with him or her if he wants extra time with his child.. but he may not like you separating yourself from his child.  I have a hard time labeling a 3 yo an ahole.. really.. kids act up.. look for attention.. get bored and sidetracked.. I'm not sure why you can't be watching and helping your daughter while he takes care of his own child.  Certainly.. he doesn't have to be taking care of your little girl right?

anonymous1306's picture

I dont ask for any help with my daughter, i don't overly need it. She's only 5 but she is so beyond her years and as i've dealt with her behaviour i very rarely have to tell her off anymore. Like don't get me wrong she does do things wrong, but she's not defiant it would just be accidents or not realising she couldn't do certain things. We tend to just do it in the sense of 'i look after mine and he looks after his' but where his daughter is so naughty and he doesn't seem to have it in him so actually tell her off properly, it takes my attention too as she's impossible to ignore. Thanks for your comment! 

Livingoutloud's picture

Your partner should do a better job parenting her. She doesn't behave becayse she isn't being taught. 

But I really taken aback you calling 3 year old am a$$hole.  That's harsh and uncalled for 

ESMOD's picture

I think you really need to consider that there is always a possibility he could become a full time parent to her.  Mom could die.. get sick... go to jail.. run off.. whatever.. the custody he has now could change.

And... you are looking at 15 plus years of her being a real part of his life.  Do you want to hate a significant portion of your life for 15 years?  Do you want to subject your own daughter to 'bad behavior" for 15 more years?  He isn't your husband.. at this point, you don't share children... so there is time to notice this red flag.  I can't imagine staying with someone when I actively hated their child.. to the point I could not stand being around.  It's not fair to anyone.. including yourself to continue at this early stage.

Clearly he doesn't step up and parent her.. perhaps expects you to do that?  If you were inclinded, you might be able to kindly help her be a better person.. learn good social interaction skills etc.. but it sounds like you want to avoid her all together.  I would have a hard time signing up for so many years of misery.

notarelative's picture

You went to the park so daughter 5 could ride her bike. What did you bring for SD3 to ride? 

Yes, SD ran toward the road. She's 3. There are more than a few 3 year olds that run toward roads if they get a chance. 3 year olds need constant supervision.

Won't stay on the naughty step. Dad picks her up and takes her home. D5 and you can stay. You either get a ride home or he comes back later and picks you up. Inconvenient yes, but it works to improve behavior.

anonymous1306's picture

Sorry i forgot to mention, she did have her smaller bike with stablisers - we wouldnt take both kids out with one bike lol. I've tried all the suggestions, i've offered to help, i've said i dont mind missing out on things and taking her home if it means in the future we wont need to. 

notarelative's picture

It should not be you missing something to take her home. It should be Dad. He needs to parent.  Until he does the naughty chair is going to get lots of use.

Rags's picture

You are experiencing one of the key struggles that a SParent has when they have married a self absorbed child worshipping failed adult.  These prior failed family breeders fail to realize that their children are guests in their partners home and any additional time must receive prior approval from the partner.  

Not all SParents want their SKids in their home any more than the CO stipulates.  The number of BioParents who fail to recognize that beyond the COd visitation their kids are welcome only at the pleasure of the SParent spouse is mind boggling.

"No" is a complete conversation on this topic.  "No" is the only response when the parent of the toxic Skid does not gain prior approval from their partner for the kid to invade the blended family home beyond the regularly schedule COd visitation time..

shamds's picture

Happen with my kids. Smacking their grandma and kicking dad because she hd a meltdown tantrum??

don’t get me wrong, she is 3.... she’s still developing her independence skills etc and still developing her speech but at that age of daddy doesn’t guide her to what is or isn’t acceptable behaviour, say hello to an even worser kid....

all of my cousins that had children that age with that behaviour who did nothing to correct that unacceptable behaviour, claimed “oh its just kids being kids” ended up with way more dysfunctional, disrespectful and ill mannered kids...