Boundries seems to be working
So I met this girl, she has a kid. I was perhaps naive at first, but went along with it. She moves in eventually, and I become 'papa'. At first, of course her instinct as a mother is to comfort her son - but her trouble is she will do it constantly to the point he becomes a little monster. My paternal instinct is naturally to give this child structure, teach him things, play with him, and challenge him to grow - yet she wants to interfere with that in a variety of ways. I am reading through this forum, I see a lot of what I've been through and gotten out of for the most part.. Boundries seems to be the only thing that works, and as the man of the family - yes I am the one in charge and I'm not easily manipulated. Nor am I some girls ATM in life so she can enjoy herself raising her kid as some kind of pet, while making my life a nightmare.... So I guess what im saying is, my role as a father , step father or otherwise, is to bring stability to the home and part of that is discipline. At first she would combat me, constantly and essentially telling her kid he doesnt have to listen to me, even in basic things like "Don't run around with scisors" or "Eat with your mouth closed" or "the letter A sounds like Ahh".... My boundry list is simple and unwavering; A. You need me more then I need you, you can threaten to leave me all you want I actually would rather be single then the ATM of a toxic mother whos kid is a disrepectful little piss in my own home. B. Im not here for her sons entertainment, and neither should she. She needs to be consistent with me on the house rules and not let him play her or guilt trip her. C. Manipulation, crocidile tears, sex, threatening to leave me or tells me theres this other guy - doesnt work on me. I am extremely loving and passionate to her, and at age 3 I've taught this kid to read already plus all the other basics - I know I'm rare, she wont find another guy like me - and she knows that too.
When she played the "there is
When she played the "there is this other guy" card... you should have immediately called the locksmith to come rekey the locks and given her until the locksmit arrived to collect her shit and her kid and to GTF out.
Why you play her games is mind boggling to me.
I married a single teen mom 24 years ago and raised her son as my own. We are a team in life and neither of us have or ever would pull the crap that this woman is pulling with you.
What about her makes her worthy of this level of dedication and tolerance from you?
Good luck.
You know your right but...
Maybe I do it because I see these phases of improvement... theres one. I cant say shes all that good in bed so we can forget about being pussy whiped. Maybe on this point she's riding on compassion with me. I can see she got abandoment issues and trust issues from a lot of bs, and she didnt tell me any of that I found out - but thats what I see where all this nonsense comes from. Shes not a drug addict. I know shes not going to leave me, and it wouldnt really matter to me if she did to be honest. I'm not risking anything my home is owned by my company she cant even sue me to seize it. I got a visectomy, I dont want no damn kids of my own - im not getting one with her. There is no wedding plans, and there will be no papers either other then the lease she signed - of which put all the cards to my table and is perfectly legal. So frankly thats what it is. I like her and i think there might be potential - it just needs to incubate a little bit in my current opinion and i'd like to be commited to her. I know she doesnt deserve it, she even knows it. But god says give it anyway, but he never said be dumb about it.
Maybe i did paint this in a bad light, being in a bad mood when I wrote it. but it really doesnt stress me out for the most part. Theres days and then theres other days.
The two of you sound perfect
The two of you sound perfect for each other. I doubt either could do much better. Happy trails!
My bride and I have been
My bride and I have been equity life partners from the beginning. Early in my STalk tenure there were a number of comments made that my bride has accomplished what she has in large part because of my support. I have never felt that way nor were those commenters accurate. She would have likely finished her under grad studies a couple of years earlier if we hadn't married. My adventure seeking nomad genes have not been the easiest thing for her to have to navigate around for her own happiness.
Sure, I am ~12 years older (11.5 actually) and I had finished my undergrad and started a strong career when we married. She brought the SKid to the marriage. But I was never her or his ATM. We started with only my degree, two apartments full college furniture and two 6 year old vehicles and a decent though not stellar pay check from my job. Everything we have built and accomplished since then we have done together.
Over the years we have each taken turns as the primary earner when my career has been hit by economic down turns, industry shifts, etc... she has very successfully picked up my slack and is very successful in her own right.
My perspective is built on the foundation put down by my parents. They are in life together. My bride and I have followed our version of that model.
While I am far from a Universalist, neither am I a sexist or misogynist. I am an equal opportunity detester of slackers and those who perpetrate toxic behavior. I detest them equally regardless of gender, age, race, creed, religion, country of origin, sexual orientation, dental status (toothless or not), etc.... Why they are slackers or perpetrate toxic behavior is irrelevant to me. That they do is what I detest.
What puzzles me is why so many of us SParents tolerate these people in our lives at all? There always seems to be some justification for it but no one seems to be able to state a clear reason why we tend to tolerate it.