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BM's message on OFW: Phone calls

AmIWicked's picture

I have been posting a lot of these lately, but it helps to get outsider's reinforcements of our present situation.

Recently I've posted about BM leaving tons of voicemails because she is accusing my husband and I of "preventing" the kids from answering her phone calls, which just isn't true, we simply are not home every single freaking time she feels like calling. The CO was just altered in January and BM refused to put a call schedule in the CO, so as it is now (my husband's lawyer says) he does not technically have to let BM talk to the kids at all on his time. But any time we are home, the kids talk to her, maybe once or twice a week. But she refuses to give a simple "heads up" to inform my husband that she intends to call that day. So inevitably, phone calls are missed.
I also recently posted that I'm starting a new job and have been feeling nervous about it because it is commission only, while I was getting paid an hourly wage to do the exact same job for the last year. My husband is behind me on it and is encouraging me,...but somehow BM found out...

She called last night and left three voicemails within 20 minutes. The last one saying "Well I better send you a message in OFW documenting that you are keeping me from talking to the kids yet again so I have proof when I take you back to court!"

She then sent this message:

"I have called your home phone 3x in the past 30 minutes to speak to our children...and again have not got any response. I called 3x on Sunday evening in 30minutes and the response. This has been an ongoing occurrence each and every week. I only got to speak to the kids on Monday afternoon because I called at unscheduled time...being 4:35p.m. as opposed to my usual 7:30 p.m. calls which is to avoid interrupting your family dinners and kids homework and shower time. You answered the phone on Monday afternoon...if I call at or around 7:30 pm...never does anyone answer the phone. I always have to speak to the answering machine.

We went to court in January with an agreement that was SUPPOSEDLY in the children's best interest. I do not see how keeping them from speaking to me, THEIR MOTHER, while staying at your home is in their best interest. If you feel it is necessary to take this matter back into the courtroom be my guest. I would like nothing more than to go before a judge and show your lack of respect and FASCILITATION of our JOINT-PARENTING AGREEMENT.

Through my suspicions and (BM's boyfriend's) investigations it appears that this may not be a good time for you to have pay more legal fees as it appears that you are the only gainfully employed adult in your house. However, your finances are not my concern. My ONLY concern is our children and what is best for them.

Please see to it that this matter is handled in a mature and positive manner for the sake of our children."

Any thoughts??

Orange County Ca's picture

Same as last time. Ignore her ranting. Let the kids talk. Save everything.

YOU should not know anything about this anyway. Let him handle the whole thing while you concentrate on doing your job. You did it fine before and you'll continue doing so again. But now you've got the incentive to earn even more money if you wish.

twoviewpoints's picture

Full of herself, isn't she. Ok, if nothing in CO actually makes a regular assigned calling time, then how does BM think she's got anything to race DH back to court over? She clearly states in writing herself that phone was promptly answer on Monday. Just because she has self-assigned herself 7:30 and called 3 times within a 30 minute time span doesn't mean DH has refused contact in the least.

And the 'one gainfully employed adult in household'? BM's BF's investigations? Biggrin So what she doing now? Admitting to having her BF stalk you and stake out your home? BM really is a doofus. Yes, BM, keep sending these OFW messages so 'you' have 'proof' when 'you' don't get your own self appointed way, and don't forget to toss in the not to subtle attempts at intimidation to gain your own way.

DH's own lawyer says BM has nothing to stand on in the accepted call demands, so ignore, ignore, ignore her message. Continue to take her calls when and if you're home and able to do as you've been doing and note down on OFW calendar each and every time a call was received with children speaking

Not the Brady Bunch's picture

It is just about her being a freak for control and messing with you…WHY?! you ask, because it works! You will wring your hands, worry yourself sick, argue with your husband. Stop!

Disengage and enjoy your life. Ignore, ignore, ignore. It gets worse before it gets better…but it works.

We went through the exact same thing. It is right out of their handbook. Remember. Do not EVER try to rationalize irrational behavior simply because you are the better person.

You document. WE had a dossier on my OH's ex that you could have archived in the National Library. It helped us when we least expected it.

just.his.wife's picture

I would send her one message on OFW:


Please recall that you declined in mediation to have an order entered for telephonic vistitation with the children. Simply put there is no court order in place stating that the children must be sitting next to the phone at 730pm in anticipation of your call. Technically according to the order I do not have to even let you talk to the children. However, I am not that petty.

If you call and the phone is not answered: We are not home.
There is no great conspiracy to keep the children from talking to you.
Between work, school, extra curricular activities, family outings, running errands and the occational dinner out with the children our lives are busy and we are not always home.

If we are home, the children are free to answer the phone when you call. I do request that IF you should call and we are not home, that you leave ONE single message on the answering machine. The children can then return your call upon their return home. Multiple harrassing messages are not necessary, nor are they appreciated.


Not the Brady Bunch's picture

Addition…Between work, school, extra curricular activities, family outings……AND HAVING CRAZY, WILD, AWESOME SEX WITH YOUR EX-HUSBAND, the children and our lives are busy…..

askYOURdad's picture

I'll be odd man out here...

Why doesn't your DH just have the kids call her every night before bed? I know some people don't like giving into the control aspect, but I don't see it that way. She is trying to interfere, cause drama and control your home by not agreeing to a phone schedule. Just have your DH implement one. Don't answer the phone during the day and every night at 8:15 say to the kids "ok, call your mom and at 8:30 it's time to start bedtime routine" Send BM a message on OFW that says:

In regards to your message "phone calls," Since there are no schedules for phone calls in the CO, I will try and have the kids call you before bed every night (every other night, whatever) since we are not always home when you try to reach the kids. In the event that you need to communicate to me, please continue to use OFW. If you need to talk to the kids outside of the 8:30 phone call and we are not home, please do not call multiple times, one message is sufficient and your call will be returned.

Not the Brady Bunch's picture


Maxwell09's picture

I also suggested this. It would give her what she wants and end the constant harassing phone calls that you are annoyed about. Eventually she'll get tired of calling every night. Y'all fighting her or seeming to be confrontational with her is only dragging this one. And it's petty.

hereiam's picture

Hilarious. Not for you but... It's a tedious job to document the crazy and here she is, doing it for you.

I agree with askYOURdad, it nudges the control right out from under her. If the kids are calling her every night, she will have no good reason for all of her stupid calls and messages (not that she does, now). It will then become harassment.

Since her BF is such an awesome investigator, she probably knows when you guys are not home and is purposely calling at that time to try and prove that you are keeping the kids from talking to her. The thing is, an unanswered phone proves nothing.

AmIWicked's picture

She does not have court approved phone calls,... the court order gives her nothing. My husband's lawyer has affirmed that he is even well within his right to answer her calls, "no, you may not speak to the kids, this is my time with them" -of course he won't, but he is legally within his right.

However my husband has asked her on multiple occasions to make one, and she refuses. So he has repeated to her over and over that if we are not home no one can answer the phone, that's why we got the answering machine,...

derb84123's picture

do you have our BM?

It is so funny to me- its like she expects us to wait around for her to call the kids every evening. Nope, sorry BM, kids have activities and we like to go out as a family. We actually have lives and dont sit and twiddle our thumbs waiting to talk to you. When kids don't answer it is 2 emails, 4 phone calls and a few text messages. What is crazier, is that we actually bought the kids prepaid phones for her to call on, so that she isn't relying on our cell phones (CO says she is responsible for contact costs). We put like 3000 minutes on them, but she refuses to refill them. Just would rather complain to us when we don't answer our personal cell phones.


AllySkoo's picture

I suppose my main thought is that being right doesn't also mean being happy. You're right, sure. She's wrong. And you're all stressed and angry, so how is being right helping you? And how would DH emailing BM "I'm right and you're being a bitch" (basically) help anything at all?

Have the kids call her back as soon as you get home (sounds like they didn't, since if they DID then there would obviously be no attempt to keep her from talking to her kids). Even bedtime can wait a few minutes.

Have them call her nightly, or daily, or whatever. Preempt her phone calls. What you're doing now (which seems like might be just ignoring her) isn't working at all. Try something different.