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BM threatens DH with contempt then calls me for the first time?!

rebecca1980's picture

I posted earlier about the letter from BM's attorney demanding back child support. This guy really laid it on thick, saying the court would throw DH is jail etc etc. DH has been paying for nearly 10 years, never missed a month! And he has SD13 half the time! And BM doesn't work! She's claiming the court made a mistake on the filing and that DH owes her $78K. DH's attorney says she doesn't have a case. It's all very out of the blue and stressful.

Thing is, just a week ago we were just at SD's debate finals, DH and BM talking together, being friendly etc. Of course BM didn't acknowledge that I exist, didn't even look my way even though I was standing right there and I've been SD's stepmom for many years. That's okay. Who cares.

Here's the really weird part. Yesterday, BM called me! For the first time ever. She didn't actually call, she dialed directly and left a message so my phone wouldn't ring. Just as well. She sounded friendly she had this singsong quality to her voice. It was odd. She said that she knew I was taking SD in for a haircut this weekend and that she hopes I'll respect her wishes "as SD's momma" and not let SD get it trimmed more than half an inch.

Number one, lady why are you calling me when you have threatened my husband with jail? Needless to say, there's been no contact between BM and DH since he received the letter, and I won't respond to her voicemail. Number two, why are you calling me at all? About a haircut? Isn't SD old enough to decide if she wants half an inch or two inches or whatever cut off her own hair? And why are you intruding into DH's parenting time? You parent on your time, he parents on his. WHy is this so hard for you to understand? Are you nervous that maybe you made a big mistake with that threatening letter and now you're afraid to check in with DH so you decide after all these years to contact me? To test the waters because you messed up. What's wrong with you?

rebecca1980's picture

Exactly what we plan to do! It's just so weird that she's threatening DH and then calling me for the very first time ever and leaving this cloying message.

Disneyfan's picture

Letting SD have the final say on this is a bad move IF she's aware of her mother's wishes and the phone call.

That's giving the kid the green light to ignore what mom says. Plant that seed now and you will have one hell of a teenager on your hand in a few years when she starts to disregard dad's wishes.

Today it's her hair, in a few years it will be the way she dresses and carries herself.

ESMOD's picture

My DH's Ex is one of those sacharine sweet people at first, then she becomes a raging maniac.

She got all bent out of shape because I took her daughter to get a pedicure. It was her "first" pedicure and that should be her mother's experience not mine...blah blah blah.

Of course, there were times when she would call and try to tell me what to do with or about her kids. The way I dealt with it was I told my DH that I was NOT going to get in the middle of his EX and the child and if HE wants to take her to get her hair cut then he can, but I am out of it.

Teas83's picture

That is pretty odd behavior considering she's threatening to sue your husband and then calls you to discuss something so mundane.

Countrymom's picture

As a BM and SM with two BD's, I just had the haircut issue yesterday. My BD's were with their dad and future SM (ex's fiancé) Wednesday night. When I got home with them Thursday and seen BD7 walk away from me, I noticed a few inches were cut off her hair. Her hair was almost waist length and is now about mid back. She did need a trim and I planned on doing it, but it p****d me off that they cut her hair without even seeing if I was ok with it. I believe a mother should be in charge of a daughter's hair, men don't care usually anyway. BD7 said her SM cut it and she told her she didn't want it cut but she did anyway. What makes me even more mad is that SM is a licensed hairstylis, and yet she does not fix my daughter's hair for special occasions or anything but yet she felt it ok to cut her hair without them even discussing it with me first. I sent my ex a text explaining how I felt and he understood, so hopefully it doesn't happen again. Typically my ex, his fiancé and I all get along for the most part though.

It's not your exact situation, as your BM seemed to have been informed that you were cutting your SD's hair at least and she's 13, not 7. Why she decided to contact you is strange.

Maxwell09's picture

Ignore the whore. Like I tell DH all the time: if you don't like the way someone else does something than do it yourself. He hates that BM is still clueless when it comes to getting SS's haircut so HE should get it done before she takes it upon herself. If your SD needed a haircut and BM wants to be particular about it then SHE should have taken her beforehand.

Shaman29's picture

Don't forget to block her number. She should be having zero conversations with you. She has a problem? She can call your H.

twoviewpoints's picture

If BM had a case she would have filed intentions directly with the court and got that ol' ball rolling.

MrsZipper's picture

You can make calls go direct to voicemail. My friends husband was cheating and he used an app that made his calls go straight to voicemail so he could tell her he called her and she didn't pick up. I just searched and it might be this one -