BM manipulating parenting time-need help!
The last time we were in court, the judge stated that DH should be sensitive to BM's work schedule (because it's ridiculous)and that he and BM should work out parenting time that works for both of them. BM has EOW + one night during the week.
While that's all fine and dandy, BM makes it all about her and what is convenient to her. Complete disregard for OUR time. She pushes and manipulates to get more time than the court ordered. While DH and I do not mind SS being with her, and DH does allow her extra time pretty consistently, we DO mind that she is manipulating the situations and starting crazy accusatory arguments just to get her way.
How far do we let her push? And if we were to do something about it, what would that be?
I feel like if we showed up to court saying "She argues for more time whah whah whah", the judge would either say, A:"So? A mother/child relationship IS important" or B:"Then don't let her push you around! Stand your ground".
Obviously, we don't want to go to court unnecessarily, but this is getting out of control. We have a journal of "incidents" and there are multiple entries each week of her starting something or asking for more time or whatever.
So my question is, how to we "resolve" or "handle" this quickly and out of court? What should DH do? (As he can't really throw the book at her and make everyone stick to the Parenting Time Guidelines because of her whacko work schedule.)
Help! I can't handle this anymore! DH wants everyone to get along so badly that he doesn't stand his ground as much as I think he should. Sometimes I appreciate him for being so calm but other times I just want to be like NOOO!! SAY NOOO!!
Again, help! Wits'! End!
Thanks!
Yes like Dtzy said, if she
Yes like Dtzy said, if she wants additional time then that can be arranged but it needs to be prior arranged. So if she gets a new work schedule weekly, then she needs to give 7 days notice. If she gets a new schedule every month and wants more than one additional slot of time then she needs to request a month in advance.
Personally I think one or two weeks notice is adequate, but DH also needs to stand firm if YOU have planned something then those plans trump BMs if its taking place on time that is normally yours.
Honestly, we have the same
Honestly, we have the same issue. BM has a revolving schedule. She doesn't communicate what it is, so we are constantly left in the dark. IF she does happen to communicate what it is, she makes changes to it, and then makes demands based on the new information (without sharing the information.) So here's what we did. DH sent an email something like this
BM,
Our court order states that your time with the kids is X to Z. Up until now, there's been a variety of changes due to your work schedule. I have tried working with you to make sure you get to spend quality time with the kids. However, the constant changes are creating chaos for everyone.
Moving forward, we are going to stick with the specifications in the CO. If, due to your work schedule, something needs to be adjusted, we need 72 hours notice, so that we can plan accordingly.
If you are un-agreeable to this, we will follow our CO as to how to deal with the disagreement.
Thanks,
DH
She, of course, created lots of drama, but eventually settled down. She doesn't have money for court, and she just wants what she wants.