You are here contempt...HELP!

CaveCanem's picture

So the BM called my Dh today to say she was filing contempt charges on him because he was supposed to pay her a part of his bonus money he got in February. The court order stated for him to pay the DOR, so he tried to do that a couple times. The DOR sent him the money back saying that they couldn't enforce the order the way it was written. So my DH went to the courts to try and get the order amended to pay the BM directly, because DOR says NEVER to pay the BM directly. He obviously had to wait to hear back from them, they denied his request. So far that had taken up a month. So he tries to make arrangments to pay BM directly, she wants him to come alone, to bring his paystubs from the last 3 months (she only needed to see the redacted paystub with the bonus info, and even THAT wasn't in the court order)...he says no he won't give her all that, so she says she won't meet him and take the money. Then she files a motion to get more money, and add in the bonus money (roll the gross amount into his pay, which the judge already told her he couldn't do because it fluctuates so much). So obviously while we were waiting to find out the verdict of what she filed, he didn't send the money to see what would happen. This took almost another month. We just found out last week that it was denied, we talked to the lawyer, and my Dh was making arrangements to just send the money and be done with it because he didn't want her to get mad and file contempt (although he has tried to pay it several different ways, has the copies of the texts he sent her, the returned check from DOR, the denial court document).

So she calls him today (and my DH said it sounds like she was at the courthouse) and tells him that she is filing contempt, plus she is saying that there's a deduction in his bonus money (stock purchase) that she is entitled to. The judge ALREADY did the math, saw that deduction, and made his ruling for my DH to pay a percentage of the NET amount (which is everything after deductions, taxes, etc) of the bonus, which was ok because this is additional suuport. So is he ok? The additional amount she is fighting for is $40. He put the check in the mail today; she told him on the phone if he didn't send all the paperwork "she requires" plus the additional $50 she won't take the money. WTF. And then she tells him he's going to go to jail for this. Of course now I'm panicking. We knew this would happen; she's pissed because she wanted more money and it got denied. I'm hoping this makes her look even worse with the judge.

So what to y'all think? Would he be in contempt? How about now that he's mailed the check off (she should get it tomorrow). I know it looks "bad" it's been 2 months since he got this pay and hasn't sent it, but he DID try to figure out what to do with it 3X, we have the paperwork, and he DID send it today (certified mail, return receipt, with a note in the memo section of the check). But with everything else going on, he was just afraid to have to pay it twice or it be counted as a gift. He had the money sitting in an account so it's not like we spent it or he didn't have it. The last lawyer he talked to said he would be fine since he has a papertrail, but of course I'm freaked out. WHY is this BM such a tool?!?

skylarksms's picture

I think that your BM is like ours. She is a drama queen, attention whore and will say whatever she needs to to get the attention she feels she is entitled to.

Our BM does similar crap (or used to - we have a No Contact Order now). She would call up NN and then act like she was going to call the police or something and that would get him in such a tizzy, he'd pretty much give into whatever she asked for.

I think she is a nut and hopefully the court will get pissed that she is wasting their time with this frivolous crap. $40?? Give me a damn break. It costs her more in lawyer fees.

CaveCanem's picture

The bonus $ is $800 (her cut), she is fighting for the additional $40. So my fh only wrote the cjeck for $800 and sent that off today. He didn't want to send a personal check, which is why we were waiting on a bank check (his bank is out of state) but he said screw it and sent a personal check.

This BM is a total attention whore...

CaveCanem's picture

We discussed that, and DOR told him to pay her, the lawyer too. Which is why we were getting the bank check he didn't want her to have his bank acct #. Plus I'm sorry I don't need him going to jail, he will lose his job. Unfortunately the court order was ambiguous and they (the courts) wouldn't change it. Augh! Gosh I hate that bitch!

CaveCanem's picture

Also wanted to add the court clerk also told him to pay her as well. He sent a copy of what he sent to her to DOR for them to file. Plus she said if it didn't have everything she wanted she was going to send it back. And I'm sure her dumbass would. Plus he said if she doesn't cash it by next week, he will put a stop on it. But he tried to get the court order fixed and it got denied (they said he didn't file in time). Trust me its why he didn't send it before. DOR told him to make sure documented everything, put what it was for in the comment section, and mail them a copy.

I just don't see how she can file contempt. Trust me she has been itching to (she tried to before saying he was late paying her CS, when in fact due to the holidays there was a delay on DOR's end). We didn't want to give her ammunition to try.

Rags's picture


Let her get psychotic with the court. He has evidence that he attempted to pay her. Let the money sit and earn interest for you until the state can get it's shit together and figure out how to get her the money.


Her contempt filing is bullshit. Let her bluster and threaten. You have the money, the state won't take it so keep it with periodic requests to the state to take it and send it to her but don't send it directly to her.

As she rants and threatens just giver her the half grin "honey, you are sooo stupid" look and let her get cranked up.

By her actions you own her ass, so own it and drag her around by the short and curlies since she seems to enjoy it.

CaveCanem's picture

Thank you everyone! I really appreciate it and TRUST ME we didn't want to give her the money at all--not that he doesn't want to support the child, but he knows it's most likely not going to the child.

My DH just got off the phone with his DOR caseworker who told him that as long as he has documentation, wrote on the check, and have alerted them, then he has done his part and it will NOT count as a gift. The caseworker made a note in his file and will update the file when she gets his paperwork. Again we were super nervous because EVERYONE and EVERYTHING says to NEVER pay them direct! Hoping the cow gets her money and just falls off the planet to be honest.

Again thank you, and I know we broke the cardinal rule, but we did get DOR's blessing. Because trust me our lawyer will be all over DOR (he used to be a DOR lawyer Wink )!

Jsmom's picture

He shouldn't have paid her unless through the system. Now it looks like a gift and he may have to pay twice. She sounds like a piece of work. DH made the mistake of giving BM money every month when SD went to live with BM because the lawyer said it would look good and when they got to the mediator he got no credit for it because she denied he gave her anything. So he let it go, but it still irritates me. At least it was only 100 a month. It should have been nothing since in my mind she started our mess and caused all of us to get lawyers.

Don't let her threaten you so much. If she wants to take him to court let her. Just keep a paerwork. Judges don't like to have their time wasted and they generally do see through this type of stuff.

CaveCanem's picture

Thanks again everyone! DOR reassured him it's not a gift and he will get credit since he did what they told him to do (documentation), and he has a paper trail with DOR, the courts, and her. So we're not really too worried about that. More worried about the whole contempt thing.

Ex4life's picture

If BM sends back the check then she will shoot herself in the foot with this contempt charge. I would like to b e a fly on the wall in that court room:

BM: I want him sent to jail because he didn't send me my money.

DH: Your honor I have all this proof here that I have been trying to send it to her. I even sent her a check and she sent it back to me.

JUDGE: BM why did you send the check back to him?

BM: Well, he didn't include the extra $50.00 I wanted. And he wouldn't give me copies of his paystubs for the last 3 monthes like I wanted.

JUDGE: Didn't I tell you that you wouldn't be getting the extra money? Why would he need to give you paystubs for 3 months

BM: Well I wanted them so he should have to give it to me.

Yea right. Hope the judges slaps her down good.

Personal opinion here but I can't help but think that as long as he takes all his proof that he has been trying to get it to her he will be ok. If she sends it back to him I can almost bet he's off the hook. Keep us updated.