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Annoying ex-in laws

strugglingSM's picture

BM's father always makes it a point to talk to DH. He's even invited him out to lunch or to come out on his boat. DH thinks he's an ok person, but he does not really want to interact with him anymore. 

All that might be fine, except BM's father also likes to try to insert himself into DH's conflicts with BM. He always tries to get DH to 'see' BM's perspective. When DH wanted to change the custody schedule to give him more parenting time, he told DH that he (DH) wasn't thinking about the children. He wanted to attend the last mediation session as a "supportive party", but DH said no, he wasn't ok with that. 

He's also called DH at work several times, just to chat. I've reminded DH that this man is not necessarily his friend, so he should be careful when he interacts with him.  

So, today, BM's father sends DH a FB message that's a meme from the internet that says "when you say bad things about your ex, it's like sending a dagger through the heart of your child". Um, ok, DH rarely says anything about BM, in fact, he mostly ignores her. Also, why doesn't he send that to BM who tells SSs all the time that "your father caused the divorce" and "your father is only doing that because he hates me." Also, BM was verbally, emotionally, and physically abusive to DH throughout their marriage and her father never stepped in at that point to tell her it wasn't nice to treat the father of her children that way. 

I've asked DH why he continues to be FB friends with this man. He says he's just doing it to be nice, but seriously, no need to take unsolicited advice or criticism from someone who really should have no connection to your life anymore. Certainly no need to take that kind of heat from someone who couldn't even raise his own daughter to treat people correctly or behave like an adult. 

Anyone else have to deal with annoying ex in-laws? 



notasm3's picture

If your DH is stupid enough to let this ahole in his life he deserves the crap FIL dishes out. 

momjeans's picture

So, today, BM's father sends DH a FB message that's a meme from the internet that says "when you say bad things about your ex, it's like sending a dagger through the heart of your child".

Oh, FFS. This is the sort of BS my MIL likes to post on Facebook. I have her blocked, but I can see her public Facebook via another account. 

But, to answer your question - yes. DH’s parents are STILL friends with BM’s family on Facebook. They’re friends with BM’s: Mom, brothers, and the wife of one of the brothers (so, BM’s SIL. They are “friends” with BM’s SIL. It’s so ridiculous). DH has asked them many times to cut ties with his ex in-laws, but they won’t. It’s in the interest to “be friendly for skid’s sake”. All the eye rolls. 

Your DH’s ex FIL is way too involved, and your DH allows it by keeping the avenues open. He needs to put distance between them. He also needs to block him on Facebook. 



secret's picture

lol... DH should reply with:

"you're soooo right.... so, can you please ask your daughter to stop telling the kids I caused the divorce, or that I do or don't do things because I hate her? We're divorced, not enemies - I don't hate her, I just hate how she treats me"

momjeans's picture

This would be me, too, if I received this stupid meme. I would reply: 

”Right, ex FIL? A friend of mine also posted this meme, and I thought to myself, “Now if I could only get (BM’s name) on-board with this healthy co-parenting thing”.”


Survivingstephell's picture

FIL sounds like an aging disney dad.  Covering for his horrible daughter.  How many around here can claim a DH like this?  smdh

queensway's picture

Your DH sounds like a nice guy and may not like conflict. He brushes everything that ex fil says aside and you see it as meddling. Until your husband see's this guy as someone who likes to interfere in his life it will keep happening. Hopefully your ex fil will cross the line and your husband will stop all contact. But you can't make your husband do this. But you can keep suggesting it. FIL should have been blocked a long time ago.

pixielady's picture

Our problem is that DHs family is still friends with BM on Facebook (so I had to block all of them). In addition, they spend time with her when they are in each others’ states. Skid is the all encompassing excuse, even though DH asked them to pare down their relationship with her and not share any info about us, which they still do. This means I don’t have a relationship with them because I don’t know if they will go back and share with her or not. I really think there may be an inversely proportionate relationship between how close I laws are to BM and how much/if skid accepts or respects you. When BM hangs withher ex in laws, skid sees SM as interloper more than if they scale back BM relationship. Anyone have that experience?