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And then there was one........ Oldest SD is gone

nobios3steps's picture

Oldest SD turned 18 and decided to go live in greener pastures of BM's house, she didn't last a month.

Bridges were burnt and a lot of bad things were said about myself and my DH, so time to suck it up buttercup.

Mom immediately filed for CS, but of course didn't tell anyone that SD moved out. In our state you have to pay if they are in high school and attending

She is so far behind on her CS, but she is now getting CS for a child no longer there. The system is so screwed up.

Hopefully CS will stop since she isn't there anymore.

You can tell SD till you are blue in the face what life is but live and learn.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Children of divorce (CODs) ping ponging between their parents houses seems like common practice - where crappy parenting exists. And a lot of divorced parents are more focused on winning than setting up the scenario for success.

At different times, I've had two teen skids decide to move in with DH and me. In neither case did DH bother to establish boundaries, house rules, or expectations beforehand. He didn't talk to BM about changing CS. He didn't consider who would supervise his kid while both of us worked swing shift, how they would get their dinner, their school work done, or even get back and forth to school. Nope. His brain shut off after hearing the sweet words, "Daaady, I want to live with yuuuuuu!". It was a very stressful and unhappy time for me. And the skids? They think that the Disney behavior they enjoy while visiting their non-custodial parent is how things will always be.

OTOH, I have a friend whose teen son didn't want to abide by her rules and announced he wanted to go live with his (dirtbag) dad. Fine, she said. BUT, with the proviso that he couldn't return until after the school year had finished. She also told her ex that if he filed for CS she would go after him for the fourteen years of CS her owed her. Because she had the common sense to handle the details, the outcome was better. The result was her son spent a miserable year with his dad, sleeping on a couch, attending a new school, having to cope with a litter of feral half sibs. And he returned to his mother chastened and appreciative of the life she provided him.

Thank goodness your skid is now an adult. Hopefully she wasn't allowed to move back in with you? You're certainly not the first SM to have a dumb bunny for a DH, and it can be so frustrating. Has he filed to have CS stopped? I know procedure varies by state, but where I live the payor is required to petition to have the CS order vacated. You likely wont get any $$ back but at least it will stop the bleeding.

nobios3steps's picture

No and he does not want her back after all the things she said, the process to stop the CS has started. She is obeys no rules at either house.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Congratulations!!! Just make sure that you and your DH remain the same page regarding keeping the brat at arm's length. A lot of our SOs are big on revising history and conveniently forgetting their darlings' horrid behavior.

TwoOfUs's picture

Woot! We're down to one as well...and just last month OSD and her BF moved 2.5 hours away. SS is about 3.5-4 hours away. Now it's just YSD, who will turn 18 in May. Counting the days!

rahrah2019's picture

I feel like I'm getting so close, but this makes my mouth water with anticipation. I know you're counting down the days and hours and minutes. I have a whole year after you, but boy oh boy I can taste it!!!

thinkthrice's picture

In NYS CS doesnt automatically stop even at 21. you have to file for emancipation in court. then wait for months for it to stop non-retroactively. Funny how fast CS starts when a BM files for it as opposed to a CP bioDAD...

--figureditout--'s picture

I feel ya. My SD did the same. She burned every bridge she had here, including with friends. DH is sniffing about for her, and I have no problems with that as he knows I want nothing to do with her, and she is to keep away from our boys.

notsobad's picture

If a BM is behind on CS why would she get any?
Why wouldn't they simply decrease the amount she'd be getting from what she owes?

What a dumb system.

Tiger7's picture

BM is fed up with SD18 and told SO that daughter has to come live with him (us) when she gets out of the psych ward. I told him absolutely not. He agrees but said she might have to temporarily until things could be figured out. Again - told him hell no. I guess SD thought she was coming to live with us but thankfully he told her she couldn't. Not putting up with her disrespect and laziness.

sammigirl's picture

Great! Now is the time to totally disengage and stick to your decisions.

First, get the CS straightened out, so DH doesn't have to pay. I would drop the fact that she owes, just get her out of your hair and move forward. SD is 18 and now is an excellent breaking point.

Now is the time for you to step forward in regards to putting up with SD18. It's good that DH sees the problem. Stick to your rules and no matter how sad the situation gets, remember the bridges that were burned. Rebuilding them and burning them again will only cause trouble in your marriage.

My grown SD burned all the bridges. She has no opportunity or right to ever rebuild them, because I know her well enough to know, she will just burn them again.

Like you stated; Live and Learn. Keep yourself free!