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Update on friend request

Starryeyed's picture

Day 4 of being ignored by hubby. He is coming home late and stonewalling me completely. I text him yesterday to let him know I had dinner plans with a girlfriend... Radio silence back. I tried to speak to him last night and tried to give him a hug "I do not want to talk to you" he shouted back. I told him how he treated me was not ok and he said oh just play the victim again.

He didn't speak to me two weeks ago for a full week when I shouted at him for pissing ALL over the toilet. Yes I shouldn't have shouted but I had spent hours cleaning the house the day before and was pissed off (pardon the pun) that I had to do this again. Sorry but what grown man pusses all over his own toilet in his own house and willingly leaves it there. Anyway don't think it justified a week of silence. Just wish he could see how hurtful it is when he does this, it pushes me away and makes me think of greener pastures. My husband does not make me feel respected or loved at all lately. Of course if I said that he would say that it is all my fault.

Just venting, dont want to tell anyone in real life what a jerk my husband can be at times. Thanks ladies.

Comments

Oh Margie's picture

For the love of God, you made an honest mistake and the guy ignores you for 4 DAYS???? Why are you trying to have a baby with this asshole? What's he going to do when your kid makes an honest mistake??

Starryeyed's picture

I'm 4 days late, was feeling so excited but trying not to get too excited. Can't even tell him or anything. It's sad really isn't it. Usent be like this.

Oh Margie's picture

Oh hun Sad

Starryeyed's picture

Just googled this yummy. May add this to my cocktail menu (I do adore my cocktail nights... Would love a martini right about now) Smile

Starryeyed's picture

He says it's not a honest mistake, he said in a stalker blah blah blah. Sorry I looked at her FB, sorry because you never tell me of any correspondence with her and she left the country with your kid. Yeah I'm the bad guy.

Jsmom's picture

If I didn't stalk SD a little online, I would have no idea the crap she is getting away with. Also affirms everytime I see something why she is not welcome here.

You need to stop trying to have a baby with him. He is very immature. People do not stop talking for four days over this stuff. Now blending issues, I have gone three days and not spoken to DH, but those were major occurrences and for his safety when he lied to me.

Please do not have a child with this man.

Starryeyed's picture

I look too. Bm1 couldn't care less about her but I do look at bm2. He caught me once about 3 years ago so not a regular occurrence that stuff like this happens or I had contacted him directly! Beginning to feel like he's using this as a get out of jail card. It's just so unhealthy at this stage. Work is so stressful, out of the house for 12 and a half hours a day to come back to this bs. It just makes him so unattractive to me. He just seems so childish when he does this. When I make a comment about me not putting up with it he becomes sarcastic, makes this face at me. It's demeaning to say the least. Maybe now is not right time for baby but heart is set on it Sad don't know why bm2 has been given this power, couldn't a normal couple maybe laugh about it?? No I'm chastised for it and ignored. Obviously set to go on for a few more days cause he just came in and turned on the tv downstairs (I've already gone to bed)

Oh Margie's picture

Yes. A "normal" couple could laugh about it. This is waaaay over the line. I cannot stand the silent treatment, especially coming from a grown ADULT who is supposed to be your partner.

Really really ask yourself if this is right father of your babies? How is he going to treat THEM?

Starryeyed's picture

From how he treats skids he would be great. I'm the only one who doesn't get a piece of it. He's not all bad. We have been getting on great until about 3 weeks ago. Don't know what goes on with him sometimes. Maybe he's thinking of trading me in

Starryeyed's picture

I've been reading about emotional abuse the past two days online. Dh provides he isn't all a bad guy just how he handles communication is extremely poor. It makes
Me think Jesus I'm only 30 could i live another 50 years like this

misSTEP's picture

He has a job and is not physically abusive. I could have said that about my DH a few years back as well. But the verbal abuse gets to a point where my health couldn't handle it anymore.

It took me moving out for him to get his head out of his ass and work on HIS issues. Unfortunately, verbal abusers are not easy to reform. Luckily for my DH, he's one of the rare ones.

misSTEP's picture

This guy sounds like a real asshole. I think you might need to print this out and place it on the fridge or something:

BASIC RIGHTS IN A RELATIONSHIP

The right to goodwill from the other

The right to emotional support

The right to be heard by the other and responded to with courtesy

The right to have your own view, even if your mate has a different view

The right to have your feelings and experience acknowledged as real

The right to receive a sincere apology for any jokes you find offensive

The right to clear and informative answers to questions that concern what is legitimately your business

The right to live free from accusations and blame

The right to live free of criticism and judgment

The right to have your work and your interests spoken of with respect

The right to encouragement

The right to live free from emotional or physical threat

The right to live free from angry outbursts and rage

The right to be called by no name which devalues you

The right to be respectfully asked rather than ordered

This is from the book, "The Verbally Abusive Relationship" by Patricia Evans

If you do any research into verbal abuse, you will find that "the silent treatment" can be seen as abusive as well.

Shaman29's picture

I'm sorry but anyone that ignores you for days at a time and refuses to have an adult conversation about any incidents is an abuser. Plain and simple.

His behavior is ridiculous.

Please stop trying to conceive with this man. He is not going to change the way he treats you. Do you really want to be baby mamma #3?

Starryeyed's picture

No I do not. But our relationship is very different from two very brief casual relationships. I've married this man and we've been together for years that's why I finally thought it was my time to be the mama after years of nothing. Just don't know why my husband is behaving like this, it's making me wonder if there is another woman involved somehow. Some of you have planted the seeds of suspicion lol

misSTEP's picture

My DH jokes that I should be in the FBI with the skill I have at finding things out on the internet. }:)

Maxwell09's picture

The ignoring game is childish and doesn't ever help any situation get better. He needs to stop being dramatic about silly Facebook; its not life or death for goodness sake. He acts like he's never been genuinely curious about anything just because he was never caught. He needs to get over it and stop being a child.

About the peeing everywhere thing: me and DH live in a house with 2 bathrooms. Between him and SS3 peeing on the seat and refusing to keep the toilet seat down for visual appeal, I have banned them from using one of the bathrooms. We now have separate bathrooms. I use the one that is connected to our bedroom and DH/SS3 have to use the other "guest" bathroom. I tried explaining to him that the bathroom looks cleaner when the seat is down and the lid is closed and that he should make a point to check the floors and seat for pee; his response was "I grew up in a house with 5 boys and 1 girl (his mom) so we didn't have to put the seat down". Now he is responsible for "his" own bathroom and when guest come, he has to go run and clean/sanitize it so that its acceptable. (it would have just been easier for him to agree to put the seat down but his own stubbornness earned him a toilet brush)

hismineandours's picture

I also went back and read your original post. I am most concerned about you referring to yourself as a "stupid bitch". Really? You are neither stupid nor a bitch for looking at someone's Facebook page and accidentally hitting friend request. I imagine most of us have stalked- we are in situations where we are going to have a natural curiousity about bm, skids, etc. You have absolutely nothing to feel sorry for.

Several have said that your dh is emotionally abusive. I would tend to agree especially with the way you view yourself. I don't know if you have always thought of yourself in these terms or if it's something related to your relationship. Either way you need to learn to be much kinder to yourself- even if your dh is not. Looking down on ourselves plays a huge role in keeping us in situations that are unhealthy for us.

I would not ignore him back. I would go to him and tell him how you are feeling about his lack of communication. Tell him you are telling him this in an effort to resolve things becaus you care about him. He may or may not give in, but at least you can find comfort in the fact that you attempted mature, assertive communication and did the right thing.

kathc's picture

If you're that desperate to have a child please go have a one night stand with some guy you don't know in a bar. At least then there's a chance up your baby daddy won't be an abusive asshole.