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And so the nonsense with BM begins.....?

Disillusioned's picture

DH & I have been together for almost 18 years, and for 17 of the 18 years BM and I have gotten along without any major issues

Not that it has been perfect....I've been good about the occasions when DH and BM would do things together - like DH driving to BM's house to spend Christmas morning with BM and SD's when SD's were younger, or DH driving to BM's to fix her stereo because she nor her significant other could. I've ignored the occasions like at YSD's birthday parties when young, when BM and DH's sister both started trashing DH/digging for info about us the moment DH was out of their sight

I've ignored the calls to the house from BM when she and OSD where having their many arguments when OSD was still living at home/with BM, or the times when BM would do things like call our house sobbing asking to talk to DH when her dog (used to be theirs) died. I've ignored things like when BM showed up with her Mom for OSGS's birthday party and then 'had a disagreement' with her Mom, so now needed DH to drive her home

Ignored her running up to DH at OSD's bridal shower and trying to draw him off to chat along with her to some of 'their' old friends

Throughout all of it, I've been warm to BM, she has been friendly in return, and we've gotten along with no major challenges

But, in the last year, between DH's sister, BM and OSD, things have gotten really stupid and many lines have been crossed Sad

It started last year when DH's sister invited BM to a surprise birthday party held for FIL. We were not told in advance that BM would be there, and as far as DH & I were concerned there was no reason BM should have been at that.

However the even bigger surprise was following the birthday party, there was a small family dinner for FIL at DH's sister's place. DH went to this expecting it to be his daughters and their SO's, his father, his sister, his wife. He did not expect his ex-wife too! And then there was the family portrait DH's sister insisted was taken of the 'whole family' - BM included. And the icing on the cake was the birthday gift given to FIL, was a blown-up version of this picture, put right on the wall in his dining room by DH's sister (and strategically at the end I'm always seated at so I always get to see it when I'm there!)

This was the beginning of the new turn of events, events where BM seemed to be invited not only to events that make sense she should be at, like bridal showers and SGS birthday parties, but ones she has no business being at like small family events involving just DH's family (always invited by DH's sister or daughter)

The straw that broke the camels back was when OSD requested DH come pick her up at the hospital after giving birth to YSG, and DH was surprised once again that BM was there, and expecting to come along for the drive in the car with DH, OSD and SGS

DH finally stood up to them and said No, he was not comfortable with that situation

Since then, there has been attitude from OSD (and some obvious PASing of SGS towards us) and based on BM's attitude during a phone call with me today - for the first time ever not so much as acknowledging me when I said hello, ignoring me pretty much completely (but being over the top friendly with DH's sister and doing the little "remember this" "remember that" routine with her, just stupid immature nonsense

DH believes BM is behaving this way because BM is pissed off he finally put an end to all this stupidness with her....I would take it one farther and she believes it was I not him that put a stop to it, and she is really angry with me because all of her nonsense has been put to an end

The good news is, DH could care less if BM is angry. His response today, is we have bigger things in life to worry about than BM, and I agree

It's just a shame that after all these years of cooperation and even friendliness, it all ends up being a little like some of the BM horror stories I read about on here Sad but, it is what it is. If BM wants that sort of relationship, no problem. I will smile and be polite as always, but I'm done falling over backwards trying to keep the peace. I'm not a door mat BM!!!!

TM9366's picture

It's all great when BM is happy. Once she's inconvienced, all hell breaks loose. I hate that DH allow that to happen to keep BM happy, instead of trying to keep others happy. It all revolves around BM's happiness, which is sad. Put everyone else to the side that matters, but yet, BM must be kept "happy" as not to rock the boat or stir the pot. smh

Disillusioned's picture

Thanks stepmeanie, and yes, I always thought we were 'cooperating' getting along, but honestly when I look back, I think I was being a doormat and BM finally decided to take advantage of that (since it has obviously been totally encouraged by DH's sister and daughter that she cross the line with DH & I)

Now that DH & I have taken a stand, all her "niceness" has come to an end and her true colours appear to be showing Sad

Stick to your guns with BM and Skid....It's great to be kind and forgiving of course, but to stand back and allow people to deliberately disrespect you and disregard all boundaries is quite another

BM can act like a moron all she wants and refuse to talk to me (0h boo hoo) play immature head games, etc.. and really the only one she is going to hurt is herself

That will finally give DH & I all the excuse we need to avoid her, so all her little friendly conversations and 'favours' from DH will happily cease to exist anymore Smile

Disillusioned's picture

Yes TM9366, I read about it all the time on here. So many DH's are so afraid to upset the BM in any way. My DH used to be like that, when SD's were younger, I never realized until this latest incident that DH isn't really like that anymore. We have so much going on in ours lives right now, and not all good. I was pleased and proud of DH's attitude towards it all today....he honestly doesn't appear to care in the slightest whether BM is happy or not Smile