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Alcoholic BM

Thisisnotus's picture

I rarely post about BM because she is irrelevant to me and by now she and DH rarely speak....maybe a text once every month or two. 

I thought you all may enjoy this story. BM is a raging fall down blackout drunk probably 5 nights a week. Since DH is no longer he punching bag when she is drunk....SD12 and 17 are.

in the last 6 months she's passed out at the wheel....put her car in a ditch.....punched a hole in her living room wall for fun and the list goes on....she is in her mid 50's by the way.

anyway....BM got so wasted the other day that she fell and broke her foot like bad so DH hasn't seen the kids in a week since they had to take care of her.

they finally come over today and my MIL is almost in tears over here because the BM is all alone at home....she can't walk.....

i guess my DH is supposed to give up his time for the next 3 months so they can take care of their mom.

yeah okay. Lol 

hereiam's picture

Why can't she walk, even on crutches?

I have broken my foot, they put a walking cast on it and I didn't even have to use crutches. Same when I tore a bunch of ligaments in my ankle, which was actually worse than a break.

Give me a break!

Thisisnotus's picture

Don't you know that when you are the victim you can't possibly walk in this condition without the help of your children who must stay far away from their father while you heal! Lol 

Her broken foot is all DHs fault because if he hasn't divorced her she wouldn't have done it. Haha sadly this is how she thinks and how my MIL (I think) thinks.

Rags's picture

In Sept of 18 I blew my Fibula out of the side of my Rt ankle after slipping and trying to catch myself. My Tibia broke and the force of the Tibia hitting my Fibula blew it out.  Initially the ER doc thought I had a compound fracture of both the Tib and the Fib.  

That was on Sat, I was put under general anesthesia to have the bone set and a few hours after that I was under general again for the installation of the Titanium plate and 8 screws.  I was in a splint for a few days then went into a Velcro boot.  I worked from home that week and when my knee scooter was delivered, the next week I went back to work in the office. I would remove the boot to drive and put it on in the parking lot at the office then scooter around as necessary for the rest of the day.

4mos later I had a second surgery to remove the long screw that pinned my Tib to my Fib so the severed tendon between the two heal.  A week later I was off the scooter and out of the boot.  I had no transition. 4mos after I blew a bone out of the side of my leg I was walking on the first day out of the boot like it had never happened.

While I did have some help for a few days, my wife took a couple of days off, my parents came down for the first week, I did not want to disrupt anyone's life and I had to kick mom and dad out after the first week so they would go home and get back to their lives.  Not that they would have listened to me if they had felt my DW and I could not manage or that I was in any sort of danger driving to and from work or speeding around on my knee scooter.

Based on my own broken ankle experience, with a compound fracture and two surgeries, any attempt BM makes to control her kids and suck them or anyone else into her crap by playing the hep me, hep me, sympathy card should be considered very suspect.

And again. Dad needs to protect his time and protect his kids from BM's toxic crap. 

Aniki's picture

Sooooooo... maybe MIL should go take care of poor wittle drunkyumpkins or pay for someone to do it. Sheesh.  

Thisisnotus's picture

I agree!  BMs whole family lives here but the Kids drove her to the ER at 2 am because she didn't want anyone to know how it happened.

Thisisnotus's picture

Sadly yes she is. I think she has been an alcoholic since her late teen years. 

she will end up in jail or dead for sure.

Rags's picture

Nope.  Dad's time is Dad's time.  If these kids start subjugating their lives to BM's addiction and the black hole of her crap they will in all likelihood never escape the incessant pull of her toxic crap.

That would be the motivator for me to assertively protect my time with my kids if I were dad.

Thisisnotus's picture

They started that since day 1 of the divorce it's nothing new this just magnified it. 

SD12 can only be away from BM for about 4 hours before she starts to panic and cry. She has even stopped going over to friends houses.....obviously she doesn't sleep at our house because BM would freak.

notarelative's picture

While groups are not meeting right now, investigate if there are any Alateen groups that meet on Dad's time. These kids could benefit from a group such as this. Dad would have to drop them off and pick them up as he could not attend. Hearing they are not alone, being able to vent to a non family member, hearing others perspective of the situation, hearing from others that they are not responsible for BM's drinking, ... all of this and more would be so good for them.

(I would not recommend that the term drive to Alateen. Meeting can be emotional. Emotional teens should not be behind the wheel.)

--figureditout--'s picture

Parents are not barred from Alanon/Alateen.  The groups are for people who are living with an active alcoholic or addict.  I would not leave my kids at a meeting, and i am an alcoholic.  My husband went with them when they were having problems with my drinking.  I went with them when they had issues with their dad's drinking/drugs.  Predators are everywhere, including the program.

Thisisnotus's picture

That would never happen here. The kids wouldn't go....and DH would never ask them to. Everyone somehow just gives her a pass and acts like it's not happening.

Sadly, skids are just stuck with it until they one day grow up and move out of her house.....which I think is unlikely to ever happen. All of BMs siblings are also alcoholics and all of their adult children still live at home and I'm talking like 7 siblings.

Thumper's picture

Wait wait wait waitttttt

What you wrote IS grounds for bm to loose custody.

Please report everything you know to authorities. I would make 100percent sure your dh tells cps that is is present, willing and more than able to take the kids.



Thisisnotus's picture

It isn't my issue so I don't get involved and I also don't want the kids living in my house full time....they would refuse anyway. BM has them under thumb...I don't even think SD17 has a period without BM knowing how many tampons she used that week.....

Also reporting is pointless without actual proof and I'm not about to spend my money on a private investigator or him going back to court. This was going on 5 years ago when I met DH....the time to address it is long gone.

advice.only2's picture

It's sad, Spawn was this same way with Meth Moith.  She will defend her til she ODs for good.  When she was growing up and we got custody Spawn hated us for taking her away from Meth Mouth because they had such a twisted co-dependent relationship. 

--figureditout--'s picture

I am an alcoholic; been sober for 3 years.  If BM cannot care for herself and is violent while she has the kids, that is grounds for involuntary commitment.  Here in FL it is referred to as the Marchman Act.  Her illness is going to be spread to those kids.  My own children are psychologically damaged because they saw far too much when I was a drinker. 

Thisisnotus's picture

The problem is BMs whole family are alcoholics and all enable each other. There isn't anyone to get her help. It surely won't be my DH.

DH thinks one day she isn't going to wake up from her cocktail of pills and drinking.

Survivingstephell's picture

Sorry about your MIL.  If she cares so much she can take her a casserole and clean up her puke. 

Texashley33's picture

My SS17's BM is on her 2nd DWI. Freaking stop drinking and take care of your damn kids! That's what I want to tell her, but since SS17 wants nothing to do with her anymore and she doesn't care anyway..we have to deal with him and he's been a nightmare child since he was 3. Autism, ADHD and most likely Bipolar just like her. 

TriciaRay's picture

Indeed, that's not funny at all and very sad. My grandmother was an avid alcoholic and schizophrenia. She always got in different troubles and the last drop was when she got into the hospital when hit by a car. We tried to treat her for many times but it didn't work. To tell the truth, I have read a lot of articles on how to help an alcoholic stop drinking (you can find information here but, if you live the life of another person all the time, you will have no resources left on your own life. It is very hard to pull a loved one out of addiction. And really nobody will help him, except himself.

enjoyyourdowngrade's picture

My exes BM was a pothead who spent all of her money on weed. Sadly she still thinks to this day that she is not addicted and that it does not effect her judgement, cognitive skills, lungs, moods, or mental health.