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Adult SS - is he depressed, or just lazy? Help!

poisonapple's picture

SS25 lives with DH and I. He is a smart, funny person. He has a bachelor's degree and isn't too bad with money - very rarely does he ask for any. But he seems to have very few friends and he NEVER leaves the house, unless it's to go to his part time job at the local pizza joint, where he works maybe 2 days a week. He lacks motivation. He has no interest in bettering himself. He hasn't even tried to find a full time job or even a second part time job. DH and I both work 2 full time jobs. I can count on one hand the number of dates he's had in the passed couple of years. For a long time I thought it was just a phase that people go through. The more time that goes on, the more I worry that there is something seriously wrong here. Could he be depressed? Or is he just lazy? We let him live rent free, expense free. He doesn't even pay his own car insurance. We did that because we wanted him to be able to save money and start out on the right foot. I never thought he would take advantage of us, but it certainly is beginning to seem like that's what he's doing. I'm worried that if he is depressed, it's all my fault. I am only 4 years older than him, and maybe my being married to his dad is causing him to resent me. His parents only divorced a couple of years ago, and he now has no relationship with his BM because she is, for lack of a better term, NUTS. I am getting so frustrated with the situation because all he does is sit around MY house all day doing nothing, while DH and I both work our asses off. He eats our food, purchases pay per view programs on our account, and does absolutely nothing to chip in at all. Won't even get off the couch to let the dog out when she wants to go, but just yells at her for whining and barking. I want to talk to DH and maybe set some rules or something, but I don't even know where to start. I don't have kids of my own, so I don't know how to deal with this. Does this seem like laziness, or something more serious?

dsngrl's picture

sounds like laziness to me.. He does have a degree, so at some point he had motivation. Sounds like he is taking advantage of the free ride and no rules. I think you and DH need to encourage him to find a full time job, and to set up chores for him to do around the house. That way, he will be more motivated to get a job and move out.

TheWife's picture

I know this is kinda off base but:

Keeping up with the Kardashians had an episode the other day in which Bruce (stepdad) was getting fed up with Rob's behavior(Rob is 22). So he started making it more UNcomfortable for Rob to be at home (waking him up at normal working hours, invading his personal space, etc). Rob eventually got fed up and got a job so he could move out.

I think you know where I am going with this!

~*~When you kiss ass, your breath smells like sh*t~*~

minerva385's picture

That idea is kind of like "failure to launch" That movie is awesome (in my opinion).

As for you Poison...I agree with DSN that I think he is just lazy. Since you are only a few years older than he is, I think it would be best to have your hubby talk to him. I'm 24 and if my step mom was in the same age group as me, I probably would not listen to a thing she said. I would start making him pay rent for sure. There is no reason for him to not work more and chip in!