14 yr old wants to live with dad full time
14 yr old boy currently splitting time 50/50, week on/off. Court proceedings have been started to change custody to full time Dad. It will be an uphill battle, as usual. Reason for change is that mom has borderline personality disorder (psych eval confirms) and has been emotionally and psychologically abusing the boy since the parents split when he was a toddler. What would you do?
Take months and months of court proceedings to plead your case, to likely being told that nothing should change?
Call CPS for help in getting the boy out of his mom's care?
Tell son, "I will not make you go anymore." And allow him to sit in the car, refusing to get out? (If you saw the video of the young man who refused to get out of the car and go to his mom's, you know what I'm talking about. Cops were called and the cop even said he couldn't force him to go.) But you never know what the cops are going to do if called...
Have the boy go to a teacher at school and ask for help?
Where we live, a 14 yr old can seek emancipation, can be questioned by authorities without parents present, can be tried as an adult, but can't decide where he wants to live? Stupid, I know.
What would you do? It is very hard to prove emotional abuse. There are no bruises...
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What's so hard about this age
What's so hard about this age is that you don't want the kid to be involved, because you've been told for years to keep the kids out of it. But you can't do that anymore. This isn't Dad trying to get him from Mom, it's Dad trying to help his son, kwim? So you almost have to switch to thinking of your kid as an adult, because if he wants to get out, he's going to have to verbalize what his Dad would normally be verbalizing. Because if it's Dad doing the talking, it turns into a typical custody battle. And I don't think the attorney is helping out much in this regard. My feeling is that if the abuse is that bad, CPS should be involved. They will act much quicker than family court.
at 14, his voice will hold
at 14, his voice will hold weight as will the psych eval but any full out custody battle is just that... a battle not to mention expensive.
BTW, that kid that refused to get out of the truck - yeah, the court sent him back to mom's. It certainly wouldn't be showing the maturity necessary to make a decision like that.
I don't think it would be
I don't think it would be considered immature to stand up to an abuser. I don't know about that case, but I know what he "said" was going on. It is wrong what the courts are doing to young people all across this country by forcing them to face their abuser. A parent can divorce and get out, but the kid is stuck? It's stupid. There are cases where kids want to live with the lenient parent, and then there are the cases where kids just want the safe, consistent home where they aren't getting berated constantly. If kids can be emancipated at 14, they should be allowed to get emancipated from one parent. A long, drawn out battle is not going to work for a 14 year old who could be suicidal or long down the wrong path by the time a decision is made. Such a critical age!
Where I am, at age 14 the
Where I am, at age 14 the children can decide where they want to live and the courts will uphold that. So it may not be as much of a battle as you think, because once the court orders the change, there really is no more to battle about right?
And because I also deal with a BM who is borderline personality disorder, if you can support this child now in this decision, I have to say I think you're doing a really good and kind thing and helping him have a better life.
edited to add: and I wouldn't bother with any of the less aggressive routes, go straight to the courts, because women with BPD will not mediate or negotiate. It has to come as a hammer down from the courts, or it won't mean anything to her.
I agree. But it has already
I agree. But it has already taken months, and as time goes on, the mother is taking everything out on the boy. She is building a case against him to prove he should not be able to decide where he goes. Any little thing he does, she goes ballistic. And he's a pretty good kid, considering the things he *could* be doing. And where we live, I don't have much faith in the courts to do the right thing. So Dad is trying to strategize what will make this happen faster, so I'm trying to see what others have done. The boy plans on getting a job this summer, so hopefully it will be a way to keep him in one place and let the judge see he's doing well where he wants to be. It's SO frustrating and it's not even my kid.
It takes a mother to raise a
It takes a mother to raise a boy and a father to raise a man or so the old adage goes. 14 has always been the golden age for switching to the fathers home full time and I'd add my vote to that group. I.e. petition family court for a change in custody and throw everything you have against the woman. The psych evaluation as well as the boys wishes. Anyone who has witnessed the woman's parenting in a negative way even if they have to be subpoenaed.
At 14 SD decided to live with
At 14 SD decided to live with mom. We tried to fight it and right before losing and 10K later let her go. SS15 did the same thing at 13. Now we have him because BM knew she couldn't win. Let it go to court...