It is odd but its the actions of a 11 year old. Let her wear it, it most likely will come up missing or she will lose it. *fingers crossed*

He probably thinks you're being jealous or petty because it's the wedding ring.

Let the kid lose it.... then you can do that Told you So dance and tell DH you tried to get him to put it somewhere safe....

SD probably realises it gets up your nose and that is why she is doing it. Try to ignore it.

A wedding ring is supposed to be a symbol of love or marriage - emphasis on symbol. It is now evidence of a marriage that went bust. I would gladly let SD wear it.

I can understand that it upsets you. However, it is not exactly your choice as to what SD is wearing. It isn't something weird. It is best to deal with your own feelings and leave it be because you are letting BM get a rise out of you. Don't give her that satisfaction because it really isnt worth it.

The kid is probably going to lose it or take it off in a few weeks.

LOL. After SO moved in with me, I went with him when he pawned BM's wedding and engagement rings as well as some other jewelry she gave back to him long after their divorce....Not sure what her motivation was to give them back to him, or if she thought he would keep them for sentimental reasons.... He used the money to put towards a boat and trailer so WE could go fishing....

Let it go. An eleven year old will lose it soon enough.

You might counteract by getting SD a nice ring of her choice for the holidays. She might still wear the band, but I doubt she'd prefer it over a ring she chose. At that age, any bauble is fun to wear. Get her one she really likes and it could change things.

I posted a blog about wedding jewelry and what to do with it.

No one really wants the rings from a broken marriage. I have my first wedding set, my Moms wedding band, my Dad and step moms bands and my Grandmothers wedding band.

I wear my Grandmas band on my right hand, it's very thin and doesn't really look like a wedding band.
I don't know what to do with the rest. I think at some point I'll either sell it all or find a jeweller who will melt it all down and create something new.

Try to ignore it and let it go. You know BM only gave it to SD to upset you and/or DH. Don't give her the satisfaction.
As for SD, at 11 or 12 wearing Real jewelry is a big deal and makes you feel special and grown up. I doubt she realizes the significance of it and how or why it would upset you.

BM bought OSD and MSD purity rings when they were around that age. OSD's cost $89 and MSD's cost $400. I saw them at Walmart. MSD requires more bribing than OSD. They both lost them at our house. We never heard a word from BM, though, we don't have contact with her at all unless it's an emergency, even then she doesn't tell us. I found OSD's when we were moving and returned it to her but this was at least 4 years later.

It's likely to be lost. I would just wait and see.

I've come to learn - in many ways, the hard way - that my best course of action with BM is to ignore everything she says and does, particularly with the kids. My SSs are boys, so she can't give them a wedding ring (and I think she sold her engagement ring and wedding band after the divorce), but they do say some weird things at times that I know are coming directly from BM and are meant to manipulate.

I think you've told your DH that you want to make sure SD doesn't lose it and he thought you were being ridiculous, so now if she loses it, it's on him. If they try to blame you, you can remind DH that you tried to prevent her losing it and were ignored.

I'm not sure how your DH typically reacts to craziness from BM, but maybe he doesn't want to talk about it, because he feels like she's trying to be manipulative.

In my case, DH has his old wedding band because it was his dad's. For a hot minute, he considered using it for our wedding and I said, "hell no!!" He told me he's going to take it to have the engraving from his parents' wedding redone and the engraving from his wedding removed, but I'm not holding my breath. At one point, he said, maybe he'd give it to SSs, but really, why give your child a relic of a time when their parents were supposedly happy. I don't even think DH and BM were ever happily married. On their wedding day, DH's friend - who was in his wedding party said to him, "she hasn't walked down the aisle, yet, you can still walk away!" In my view, divorced parents should be clear with their children that they are never getting back together and giving kids souvenirs from their wedding doesn't send that message.

Maybe your DH is HOPING she will lose it. I would not consider this a hill to die on, hon.

It is very strange for an 11 year old to be walking around wearing her living mothers wedding ring from a pervious marriage.

Give it time, she will loose it.

If you see her with it wouldn't hurt to say "Oh your ring is so pretty. Your mom must have been very happy when your dad gave it to her'.....then say nothing more.

THAT comment will get back to BM. She may not have expected your response but for darn sure you didn't hurt sd's feelings in any way shape or form.

sd is a child and the ring reminds her of her mother.

its unhealthy though because the ring symbolizes the bm marriage to her father.

cant she choose another piece of jewellery to wear? a pendant?

Originally, I thought SD was likely playing a variation of "dress-up." Nothing much to fuss about, right?

'Course, SGD-14 just asked me last week how she could go about pawning her SM's first wedding ring that SM had gifted to SGD. Huh. Guess I'm beyond clueless about a lot of things. Whodathunk.

She will lose it ... or it will fall down a heating register, or be used in a school play as a prop or ...

Try not to let this ruffle your serene feathers.

For some reason, when I read this post, I thought of the film/book Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood. The book involves a now older woman named Vivi and her daughter Sidda, who have an estranged relationship. Anyway, in an attempt to resolve their estrangement, we see flashbacks of Vivi’s past. One of the so-called horrible things that happened to Vivi in the past is her “bitter, jealous” mother accused her of incest with her father. This partially comes about because Vivi’s father gives her a ring, looking very much like an engagement ring, for one of her teen birthdays. This is all played out how horrible it was for Vivi’s mother to overreact just because Vivi’s dad gave her an engagement-looking ring.

Later when Vivi is married and older and has children, we see that she is messed up and she “accidentally” beats her kids after supposedly taking an over dose of a powerful anti-depressant medication. HOWEVER, Vivi’s daughter Sidda is supposed to hear all of the stories, including the one “explaining” why she got her a$$ beat that day, and realize how hard things were for her mother, Vivi, and Sidda is supposed to forgive her mother, and she finally does and it is all happy-wappy now for Vivi and Sidda.

The thing that instantly struck me is that for some reason, we, the audience are supposed to be all rifled up and unforgiving of Vivi’s mother simply because she objected to her husband giving Vivi a clearly inappropriate gift for her B-day—an engagement looking ring. (Made me even wonder if something wasn’t going on.) Yet, we are all supposed to be forgiving of Vivi herself years down the road when she beats her own kids due to an implied OD of medication? Huh!? Personally, I thought beating the crap out of your kids, no matter what the “reason,” was way more of an offense vs. your mom getting upset because your dad was all huggy-kissy with you and then went on to give you an engagement-type ring. Apparently, others agreed with me, because the movie flopped.

Anyway, sorry for the longness. . . to me what this story shows is that engagement or wedding rings do carry different meaning for different people. I don’t think it is as simple as what some are saying here, “you are overreacting.” Because, you may not be. You have to look at the context. And, these are the type of things that come up often with SMs. To someone not in your particular situation, it looks like, “Oh, the little girl just wants to wear her mommy’s ring. Big deal. You are overreacting.” But, what are you overreacting to? Personally, I do think it is inappropriate for a young girl to be running around wearing an oversized wedding-like looking ring. If for any reason, because it can attract unnecessary attention. If I saw this on a young girl, I’d probably think it had to be some cheap dime-store ring, but someone else may see as it is—real—and think a young girl with it on makes an easy mark. Both of her parents, and not just you, should be concerned that she is flashing this around. An 11-year-old with a wedding band, any wedding band? No. It attracts attention and can make her an easy mark for God knows what. She might as well be running around flashing $500 at every one.

No matter what you say or do, it will be the wrong thing. You'll be accused of being mean and jealous, etc. It won't be long before she loses the ring anyway. Being ignored is the best insult.

Do you have a ring from an ex? If so why do not not start wearing it and if your dh asks just say that he doesn't care that his dd is wearing his old wedding ring why should he care if your wearing a ring that someone else gave to you. Heck just go buy yourself a really beautiful ring and give that story and see how he reacts to it.

Do you have a ring from an ex? If so why do not not start wearing it and if your dh asks just say that he doesn't care that his dd is wearing his old wedding ring why should he care if your wearing a ring that someone else gave to you. Heck just go buy yourself a really beautiful ring and give that story and see how he reacts to it.

Do you have a ring from an ex? If so why do not not start wearing it and if your dh asks just say that he doesn't care that his dd is wearing his old wedding ring why should he care if your wearing a ring that someone else gave to you. Heck just go buy yourself a really beautiful ring and give that story and see how he reacts to it.

Well...you could directly ask SD11 why she constantly wears it?(different reasons illicit diferent responses)
As far as weird.. It is somewhat...
Hubs does not seem to care if she loses it or what(a silver lining showing he does not care about his previous marriage anymore)
If neither hubs or Sd care about it as an heirloom but only as a jewelry piece then you could convince sd to only wear it at holidays or replace it with something more appropriate then keep the ring safe until she cares about its significance.(she will at some point).
I agree with you about the weirdness tho

You are close to SD and if she knew it hurt you she would not wear the ring... hahahaha dream on Hon, SD knows exactly what she's doing and your are being taunt...

Simply put it out of your mind, it's a stupid ring, can't be worth much if BM gave it to her 11 year old daughter to wear, let it go.... and be careful of SD... she's playing you

I think its inappropriate. I don't think the daughter should be wearing part of the father's wedding ring set, its almost incestuous.
Maybe I could understand if she wore it as a necklace as an heirloom. But if shes wearing it on her ring finger its almost like if she's married to her own father in a way.

Of course, SD would not understand this logic, nor should you make her uncomfortable by trying to explain it.

Have you asked DH how he would feel if you started wearing your mothers wedding ring from your father on your ring finger?

She wants a reaction from you. ANY reaction. Don't give it to her. Think on how disappointed she is she isn't getting a reaction. Pathetic. LOL.

She's gonna lose it! 100%

bring this stuff up when you have "that" kind of guy. Mostly you should act like it's not a issue, don't put yourself in a position where it's going to end up in a fight. I learned early on to sit back, and use good psychology. Took a few years, but that will serve you much better than nit picking everything. BM is a low life obviously that is still in payback mode. Been there done that.

I had something similar happen, but from a few family members that lived with DHs mom. Visited the mom, and was close to them. Long story, but oddly they gifted him with a ring with their birth stones. Not only that but they included SS, but not our kids. Tells you they were tryng to tell us we were the outsiders. They soon learned otherwise.  This was in the beginning right after we were married, and had our kids. Haha sure enough he wore it to work a few weeks, 2 of the birth stones came out. He was a superintendant in construction at the time so not surprising,  but the one that had the idea asked him for it so he could get it fixed. Never returned it, LOL. Just A holes all the way. 

Yes that would really piss me off, BUT I wouldn't say a word. Except maybe, "Oh your mom will find someone someday"....knowing that would get back to BM. 

Not a hill worth caring about much less a hill to die on IMHO.  Ignore the whore.  BM is playing games.  

Sadly she is using SD-11 as her game board.  The ring is just a game piece.

I like the idea of getting a big flashy ring.  Counter BM's weak move with a new big assed diamond ring to wear and gloat about.  SD will tell BM about it and BM will get her jaw all torqued out of whack.

Give SD some support by commenting how special the ring she is wearing is and how it is special because her dad bought it. Filter BM out of the discussion.

No need to let BM get away with her shit.  Bare her ass while making it all a bonding event with SD.