New to the forum and need a safe place to vent...
My SO and I have been together 4.5 years and living together for 2. He has 3 adult children 2 girls 30 & 26 and a son 22.
My problems are with his girls specifically the 26 yo. She was living at home when I first moved in and actually encouraged it. We got along great...did things together...had late night chats...etc...etc. Unbeknownst to me she was stealing from me money & jewelry. At first I noticed the money. I mentioned a few times to SO that I was missing money. Never acusing his daughter but more in "Wow, I thought I had more then that in my wallet" kind of a way. I suspected it was her because after awhile I realized she was using drugs.
My SO ignored me until he too was missing money. At which point he spoke to his eldest daughter who told him where the younger one stashed her stuff. He went looking and found some tickets to a Pawn shop. You guessed it...my jewelry. Pieces that I don't normaly wear therefore I never noticed it was missing.
We were only able to recover some of it.
When we confronted her she had no choice but to own it. I felt so terriable for her. Yeah, I know what was I thinking. I tried getting her into treatmen. She went for 1 week and stoped and started spiraling down hill faster. It was at this point when she started telling tales about me that were untrue to anyone that would listen. She lied..lied...lied.
SO told her she needed to move out.The crap just got even worse. She went on facebook and outright told stories about me. I took the high road and never responded. I found out she even broke into my email accounts and read private stuff between my friends and SO.
The older daughter jumped on her sisters band wagon even knowing the truth.
The worse part of all of this is that she stole from her grandfather ( SO father) who is a bit of a lunatic. He accused me of being the thief. This has caused a permenent rift between SO & his Dad as well as his Mom who was dying at the time.He never even got to say good-bye. This just kills me as I lost both my parents. To know he has a Dad just a few miles away...well...grrrrrrr.
Fast forward to the present...
MY SO knowing
I went through this with an
I went through this with an older adopted child and it is NOT fun. People were accusing me of all sorts of stuff. One day a stranger banged on my door and accused me of being an unfit Mother, "Children don't lie." I had to actually sleep with my purse under the covers. She stole all of my jewelry and much more. Finally I had to charge her with grand theft just to get help for her. She later tried to murder two people. She continued to tell lies about me and even my sister took her side against me. I chose to sever all ties with her for fear of my life and loss of sanity. I also told my sister if she wanted to take her in it was up to her but she would be suffering the consequences. From then on, I've not heard anything. I think you should tell the people who are taking her side and believing her lies that THEY can take her in if they feel so strongly that she is right about you. You will find that they probably know the true story but want someone else, like you, to deal with her issues - but they wouldn't do it themselves. If they blame you they won't have to take SD on. Whatever you do, do not allow SD to move back in with you, and have as little to do with her as possible until she gets her life straightened out.
Thanks for your reply... The
Thanks for your reply...
The SD will never live in my home again...that's not even a consideration...SO knows this. My problem is my anger towards his family is affecting an otherwise great relationship.I can't even think about the things they have all done with out getting angry.We were all so close in the beginning. I gave my heart to these people...it hurts so much!
My SO and I don't even talk about his kids or family anymore.
Couples should be able to talk openly about issues. I should be able to listen to his concerns with out getting angry. If I voice my opinion it is in a negative way even if the situation doesn't warrant it.
I need to learn how to get over my anger or at least move on from it. His kids or family could care less about me. Intelligently, I know that my anger hurts no one but myself and SO. Emotionally, I can't let it go.
Any insight?
Hi OP and welcome. This IS
Hi OP and welcome. This IS the place to vent.
I must ask, how are things otherwise with you and your SO? Is his daughter a big block in the road between you. Why did the elder SD take her side when she, herself, showed where the one was stashing her stuff?
I agree that you should tell those who think you are the bad guy that they can take her in if they want to. But, don't bring up the theiving.....let them find out for themselves }:) because only when it happens to them will they believe you.
Now, disengage. After doing that don't give a ratz arse what they do, say, etc. They mean nothing to you. If your SO brings it up just listen (only 'cause you want to know what is going on) and don't respond other than a um hum, that's nice, or something equally bland. Don't bring them up to him. As for birthdays, Christmas, etc. don't go out of your way....they are HIS problem to provide for.
Sadly, drug users/thieves have to hit rock bottom before they change. Just keep her out of your house or make sure you hold your purse on your lap (obviously 'cause you haven't forgotten) and lock your bedroom door if she visits.
I'd say for the most part my
I'd say for the most part my SO & I have a great relationship. It's only where his family is concerned that we have problems. He sometimes doesn't see what is right in front of his face. I hurt for him. His family dynamic is a very strange one. In his world they ignore bad behavior. There are no consequences...or boundries.
Hell, the oldest daughter once walked right in the front door while we were having lunch. Scared the crap out of me. She was not expected and lives over 50 miles away....on top of that she took the mail out of the box and was in the process of opening up something addressed to her Dad...ummm..hello.
The reason she took the side of her sister? because she's stupid. I know that sounds mean but it's the truth. She is clueless. She jumped on her sisters facbook tirade bandwagon because she had a opportunity to participate in drama. The whole family acts this way. Trust me they have some very real issues.
My bedroom door has a lock on it...they think this is funny.
It's the way they were raised...and my SO was a big part of that.
The sad thing is...he never realized how bad things were with them until he met me and saw my kids...He always wondered why my kids don't call me everyday like his do..sometimes 2 or 3 times...it's beacuse they are independent young men with their own lives. When they do call it's because they want to say hi...not because they want something.