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Has anyone else out there had a really bad therapist when dealing with mental issues of a teenage SD??

Susie1000's picture

Happy New Year everyone! I have an SD 15 that has been having serious behavior and emotional issues for a while now. BM is seriously disturbed herself, and refused mental health treatment for SD for a long time UNTIL she came upon a LICSW who she loved. This therapist bought every load of crap BM laid out there and was so inappropriately favorable of BM no matter what facts of neglect were raised. That, I can forgive, but she had SD15 for several months and when I say she made her SO much worse, that is an understatement. SD 15 is spoiled rotten and thinks she is the center of the universe. She then found cutting as her way to blackmail DH into doing whatever she wanted. This went haywire while she was seeing this therapist as they kept saying it was DH's fault because he divorced BM (BM filed BTW) and gave an enormous list of demands to DH and thought BM was a great Mom (the government thinks otherwise given her DUI and problems with Oxy). However, there was no way to make this therapist listen. I, as the SM, was considered worse than garbage and she was blatantly hostile towards me. Fast forward a few months and SD 15 ends up in a psychiatric hospital. Finally, someone says yes she has borderline personality disorder and is highly manipulative and does all this stuff to get attention. However, the damage caused by the first quack was unbelievable. She basically coddle her more (which was really not a good idea) and now she is a complete disaster in the outpatient programs. If you dare defy her, she goes completely crazy and threatens to kill herself, cut herself etc. The new docs said she has a sever disorder, is very entitled etc. But the first one not only made her worse but propped up BM and her crazed and neglectful parenting.

Anyway, just wondering if anyone else has had this experience. Being an SM is bad enough, but when someone who is supposed to help, and is getting paid to help, actually creates harm and makes the situation worse, it really gets to me.

Miss T's picture

Not specifically that, but I have had more than one really bad therapist. One in particular. I'll spare you the details.

Suffice to say that you should vet every professional before paying for or following their advice. They went to school, and half their class was on the left side of the curve. Even when you're quite sure your choice of professional was on the right side of the curve, check their advice against common sense and your gut. Even really, really smart people can be really, really dumb.

--figureditout--'s picture

We went through 2 shitty therapists. My SD is bipolar. The last therapist told her that when she turned 18 she didn't have to keep taking her prescribed medication. She is now 20 and lives with her equally bipolar mother and her stepfather. I was told that all of SD's problems were because of me....while her mother lived her little life, completely ignoring her own kid for 13 years. SD was very convincing and conniving, and the 2 therapists we had problems with totally bought every damn line she dropped. If it weren't for the psychologist calling her out on her BS, I don't know what would have happened.

not your momma's picture

I literally felt like I was reading my life from a couple of years ago. I have no advice whatsoever, unfortunately. My SD stopped seeing her therapist on her own (thank god) and actually dramatically improved within a couple of months. It helped that SO refused to coddle her - he somehow found a balance between walking on eggshells and holding her accountable for her behavior. It also helped that BM1 decided she didn't want to deal with the monster she created and dumped SD on our doorstep. She was 15stb16 when this all happened and she turned 18 two days ago. She's not perfect but she's not a monster either.

Probably not helpful. Sorry Sad

completely overwhelmed's picture

My SD is 15 and currently in a psychiatric ward. I hadn't really considered whether or therapist is good or bad. Therapy hasn't been helping her, but there's always been the bigger issue of finding the right combination of meds. Until the meds is resolved, I'm not sure whether talk therapy is going to work.

SD does play the blame game to her therapist and I'm not sure how much the therapist believes or not. I'm not in he successions. I know SD tells her therapist DH and I favor DD 3.5 (SD's half sister). They are treated differently since she's a small child and my biological child. The therapist did talk to us about the favoritism, but didn't offer any real help.

Parenting advice we've gotten from SD's therapist hasn't been helpful. Her therapist is probably in her late 20s/early 30s and I don't think has any children. So all of her advice with parenting theoretical or based on experiences with other patients - not dealing with her own kids. Maybe DH and I should look for a better therapist with more experience.

capp1978's picture

My SD threatened suicide multiple times (over an abusive boyfriend) so we set her up with a therapist. According to her the therapist told her to do whatever makes her happy even if it is getting back with the abusive boyfriend. So off she went back to the abusive boyfriend b/c he is the only thing in the world that makes her happy.

ChiefGrownup's picture

The therapist can't possibly have said that. Little terror was telling stories to achieve just what she wanted.

If by some crazy chance the therapist really did confirm that advice directly to you, I'm sure her license ought to be yanked.

ChiefGrownup's picture

We took my SD to therapy when she was 14. Didn't do any good but I can't see that it did any real damage, either.

I suppose the damage would be it put a nail in the coffin of any belief my dh would ever have that therapy would help his kid.

I don't know how one finds a good therapist. I am actually the one to pick this loser out -- their whole office looked good on paper but pfffft.

In my first marriage I found a fantastic marriage counselor. That marriage couldn't be saved but this counselor was well worth it and I've used his methods for the rest of my life. I had faith in counseling.

Not any more. Seems like a crap shoot.

Lynn070665's picture

We took my SD to a therapist after she acted out when her computer and phone were taken away due to porn (50 shades style). I warned my DH that she was up all night and he should be checking her computer. Took a while but we discovered the "snake pit". After that, she got very clingy to her dad. We were out to dinner when she grabbed a knife and went to the neighbors crying hysterically, saying a fake anime woman was trying to get her. We took her to a therapist to make sure she was not dangerous to herself or others. After 4 hours of testing, he told her (and us) she's just brilliant and has a big imagination. Oi!