Gifts from the skids
I'm really dreading the holidays. Mostly because I think Christmas is overrated and the consumerism is becoming less and less desirable to me each year. I feel like SS11 and SD14 are too entitled already and don't deserve most of what they get.
But the point of this post is to ask others how they deal with skids and getting presents for skids parents. The first year BM took the skids out to get a present for my DH. I thought this to be wrong, as they are no longer married and the gift was essentially from her since it was her money. The following year I took the skids shopping to pick something out, but it ended up as me picking the gifts out because they didn't know what to get and weren't helpful with any sort of feedback. The third year I shopped online and asked what they thought about specific gifts or asked if they had any other ideas. Again, no feedback and "I don't know". So this year I asked them last month if they had any ideas. Again, "I don't know". So I told them to think about it and let me know. Haven't heard a peep from them regarding a present. Since they are 11 and 14, I feel they are both old enough to initiate communication on getting a gift for their dad. I even explained this to my DH, telling him that I tried and if they don't want to let me help, then he won't be getting anything from them (at least not that I had a part in). Though sad, he said he understood where I was coming from and agreed they are both old enough to take the responsibility on this.
But now, a day before Christmas, I'm wondering if they got him anything at all. I'm wondering if we're back to BM helping them and essentially the gift being from her again (even though DH told her years ago not to do that). And I'm wondering how much blame will be put on me for not taking the skids to get something. I'm sure they tell their grandma all about this and she already blames me for literally everything, but that's a different issue. This all just adds stress and makes me dread the holidays even more.
I've mostly disengaged with these skids. I don't drive them anywhere, I don't give them money. DH pays for all of their food and any other necessities. We barely talk to each other, mostly because they give me one word responses and it's just difficult to have a conversation like that. I'll buy them one small gift for Christmas, but everything DH gets is from both of us. I told DH this year not to buy anything for me thatis from them, we will only exchange between each other. Unless of course they offered to get me something or had an idea...but let's be honest, that is never going to happen.
What does everyone else do for the holiday and gift giving?
I tried taking SS shopping
I tried taking SS shopping one year. It was not a good idea. so the next year I just gave him money to get DH something. He was about 12. He showed up with NOTHING for DH. That was the last time I tried to help in that kind of situation. UGH.
You are doing fine. My DH never cared that he usully got NOTHING for Christmas or BDays. One year he got a pack of socks in a walmart bag and DH thought that was the BEST prez he ever got.
I just wrote a post that
I just wrote a post that disappeared on me. Argh! The gist of it was that I used to take the step kids shopping to get something for their dad and it went pretty much like you described. I stooped doing it a couple of years ago. Ss19 now buys gifts on his own. SD14 is too self absorbed to be bothered with that, so she gets him nothing. As for gifts for them, he shops for his kids and I shop for mine. I don't even ask what he bought them.
Next Christmas, I would like
Next Christmas, I would like to rent a cabin in the woods and go there with my dogs to avoid the whole holiday scene. I really don't enjoy this at all. Of course, escaping to the woods is pure fantasy.
I don't care about the gifts
I don't care about the gifts either. I would be fine with doing away with them all together.
It's not really even about
It's not really even about buying something. For his birthdays I've tried to get them to make him something or just do something nice. And it's like pulling teeth! One year I bought red velvet cupcake ingredients...but of course I ended up doing most of it. They just don't give a crap about their dad or doing anything nice for him. That really bothers me as I wasn't raised to treat my parents (or any adults) that way. This year made me realize that it's pointless. I'm done trying for skids that don't care to try for their own father.
I'm sure I'll get blamed by skids, BM, MIL, etc etc etc. I'm just a scapegoat for everything that goes wrong anyway.
As for the holiday getaway, I
As for the holiday getaway, I don't think my husband would go away from his kids on Christmas. I mentioned to him recently that maybe we should consider him spending the holiday with his kids and me spending the holiday with mine. The kids don't even like each other. His kids don't like me and my kids don't like him. What's the point?
Stop worrying about it and do
Stop worrying about it and do NOTHING. DH has 2 bios and 2 steps. They are 22, 19, 16, and 13. They are old enough to buy DH a gift without any help. Did they? NO. Not even a bloody card. Last year was the same thing. All they care about is what THEY get.
I've come to believe that a
I've come to believe that a majority of kids are just plain ungrateful, it's like they automatically assume they deserve to get gifts for Christmas and birthdays. I feel that if they need things, they pretty much can get them any time of the year.
My DH took a stand this year and decided to do nothing at all for Christmas, and honestly I wish I could have done the same, but instead I had guilt set in and I decided to give all my kids, biological and SS, equal amounts of money from my personal earnings.
I never even received a thank you from my SS, so I guess from now on, he will not be getting anything from me. I even got a card for him to give his dad for his birthday one year and he never gave it to him, it just sat on his dresser for months.
I'm at the point now that we provide a nice home for him to live in, clothes and shoes to wear, and food to eat. If he "needs" anything, it will be provided for him. I will no longer feel obligated to get him gifts for birthdays or any other holiday.