what would you do?
Forums:
Its SO wkend to have SD8.
BM has agreed that SD8 can go on a brownie trip this saturday with NO discussion with SO.
She just informed tonight the arrangments.
This is a problem as SO and I are out late afternoon so can not collect SD8 from said trip.
my view is how dare BM arrange something on SO time without checking first. SO geels that he should allow SD8 to go as she is the one that is 'suffering' if he says no.
We have to rearrange our plans with difficulty to accomodate this.
Soooo what would you guys all do?
First, I'd tell bm not to
First, I'd tell bm not to make plans for dh's time without notice. Then, i'd tell bm she can pick her up, and you will take x weekend instead, due to prior commitments and lack of communication about this trip (I'm assuming skid could have been involved in your plans).
That's just my opinion, but I also deal with a bm who had to be told this for four years before she started to understand.
Its an adult only evening and
Its an adult only evening and SO to older skids stbsd18 and sd15 were going to be looking after her for eve.
If BM picks her up and keeps her overnight SD8 misses out on time with her sisters and her swimming lesson following morning. Also SO wont get the time back. BM would not pick her up and drop her to SO house if she knows he isnt there regardless of her other daughters being there and looking after her.
Its the first time she has
Its the first time she has done it, BUT dynamics have changed recently and BM had done some weird things lately. I personally think she is pushing the boundaries and seeing what she can get away with.
This needs to stop RIGHT.
This needs to stop RIGHT. NOW. Voldemort thought she was gonna try some ish like this and she got a giant HELL-TO-THE-NAW from yours truly, via dh. Dh might accuse you of making a big deal outta nothing since it's the first time; if you don't put your foot down, it will become the norm. BM is using the kid against him, holding him emotionally hostage. The reality is, its ONE weekend that he may miss with her out of her entire life, don't let that bitch-of-a-BM dictate what goes on during your time.
I would let SD8 do her
I would let SD8 do her brownie trip, but I would expect DH to send BM an e-mail that clearly states
"Please do not sign up SD for any activities, sleep overs, parties or ANY events on my time ever again, there needs to be clear communication about her events that are on my weekend so that I can plan her events.
I believe that I can move my schedule around to accommodate this event, I will know for sure by tomorrow at 10 am. In the future I would appreciate the same respect and courtesy that I give you with event scheduling and would appreciate it if you could refrain from scheduling our daughters events without my knowledge during my time"
2nd time BM does it: I don't care what it is! It could be a whole day of cotton candy pony rides, SD would NOT go to the event because of "Sorry, that doesn't work with my plans, had you consulted me prior to signing her up for the event on my time I might have been able to make accommodations.
Then sit at home, do nothing and let BM know the whole cotton candy and pony ride time that your not doing anything.
Thats what I would do!
Oh im all for telling BM
Oh im all for telling BM exactly where to go and I wont be changing my plans at all. Very rarely do SO and I get our time and this has been planned for last couple of months. SO will feel all guilty if SD8 cant go to this event. I will certainly be telling SD8 exactly who is to blame for this and why.
SO wont see anything wrong with what BM has done and will accomodate her in everyway when it comes down to SD8
Its all about the guilt!!
It's up to your husband. I
It's up to your husband. I struggle with this same thing but this is nothing to do with us.
Oh Sally i am so with you on
Oh Sally i am so with you on this. Exactly my view. However i know my SO and he will not want to upset SD8 by not allowing her to go even tho it conflicts with our plans.
INDEED!
INDEED!