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manipulation of access again

Raggles's picture

2weeks ago christmas access was arranged for sd8. BM wanted her back a day early so they could go to a party. SO agreed to this only if he got sd8 back a day early over new year.
BM decided No that wasnt going to happen and they stuck to the original arrangment.
Turns out today the party has been moved to tomorrow and eldest skids are going (which is fine - they are adults- their decision) however they assumed they are taking sd8 with them.

My view is sd 8 stays behind as this hasnt been discussed with SO and its his time plus he had already offered time and it was turned down by BM. The eldest skids arent aware of this as SO is very good at not sharing the hassle he has over access for sd8.

SO is now feeling torn and under pressure to let sd8 go as he doesnt want her to miss out.

I feel he should now inform eldest skids of latest issue and actually parent and say no. I feel this has been arranged deliberately to deprive him of his time with his youngest daughter by BM as usual. The party will be most of the day so he will see very little of her.

I know its his choice as the parent but it frustrates me he doesnt see the underhandness of it all and he gives in to pressure from his elder children as he doesnt like conflict and always choices the quiet easy life.
I was so proud of him for standing up to BM in the first instances by agreeing to her request but with a proviso!
Now it looks like he is going to allow her amd his older children to walk all over him again Sad


Last In Line's picture

Ah, holidays.

I'd let my kid or skid go if it's a family event. It's not the child's fault there is a party on a day she would normally be with the other parent. I wouldn't want my kid to miss out on a family gathering, even if it meant my time was cut short a day unless I had some sort of special plans with the kid myself.

HappilySelfish679's picture

If skid wants to go, let her . Not her fault . hell I would drive her . Every skid free hour is deeply cherished on my end !

Maxwell09's picture

I feel two ways: he should let her go because it's not "bm" time versus "dad" time; it's HER time and if she wants to go then let her; howerever, I also feel like he gave bm an option to be fair so both bm and he get time with her without anyone missing out and bm wouldn't agree to it. For that I reconsider and would probably tell her no unfortunately. It's called compromise and bm does t want to share her time but needs a favor. I'm sure she sent the older skids there with the misconception so that they would pressure him and he would buckle so he won't look bad to them. He should tell them since they are adults now: me and Bm have already talked about this; I told her SD could go if be would send SD home a day early before NY and SHE said that didn't work for her. Sorry.

Raggles's picture

Thats exactly how i feel.
BM didnt get what she wanted so rearranged the party on SO time without any further discussion with him. The older skids all live with SO full time. So no issue with their attendance to party.
Its the guilt trip they put on SO as he wont tell them the issues he always has to have access to sd8 (which i do agree he shouldnt involve them generally) However on this occasion i think he should.

Raggles's picture

Oh dear SO has the right hump with me. Skids were gone much longer than thought plus he asked them to bring sd8 back at a reasonable time. Hey guess what.. they didnt!!
He was bitching at me about it and i turned round and told him... you knew the situation and you allowed it to happen!
Hes not spoken to me since!!