Geez. Of course 200 texts/calls is excessive. They don't need to talk that much. He should tell her it's excessive and that he only wants phone/text communication in case of an emergency - blood, broken bones, unavoidable schedule changes. Spell it out. Then monitor her behavior for a month. She'll rebel at first, and that's okay. If she's sane, she'll mellow out and get with the program.

If she doesn't get the picture, he might want to just change his number. Then TELL the ex that he's going to email only communication. What is she really going to do then?

Anyway, I've heard good reviews about Our Family Wizard. It's worth a shot if you have a high-conflict BM.

My ex and I have 50/50. There's usually 2-3 2-minute phone calls per month, 3-4 texts - usually on pickup/dropoff day, and 1-2 emails for travel arrangements/holiday scheduling/homework crap. We get along fine, but I have no desire to have my EX intrude on my daily life... and when I got serious with SO, I had to put some boundaries up with my ex. There was minimal pushback because he's sane.

My SO and BM on the other hand... grrr. She was calling too much all under the guise of "kid issues" which equaled BM-issues. She even lied and said she was taking SD to the hospital one day to get stitches - while she was threatening to tell the court that SO "beat her". Bullshit. SO changed his number. Then BM started sending shitty emails. More documentation of the crazy. Thanks dummy!

When he wouldn't respond she tried catching him at work. Oh HELL no. I wasn't having a woman calling MY MAN at work when I don't even call him there. Now --- it's written in the court order: "EMAIL communication between parents ONLY." In bold! I didn't even know they could do that. But with SO's insistence to the GAL about not wanting to be interrupted by a crazy BM (and sharing her stupid emails), she doesn't get in touch at all. She knows everything she writes will be used against her in court. And that any response to her dumbassedness will be discussed by THIS couple first.

It's fucking lovely.

Guide your man, girlfriend! He doesn't know how to manage women's emotions. BM's communication can be diffused... if both you and your man have the courage to do so.

This is insane!! 200 calls/communication pm when you have 50/50??

I would change phone numbers and stick to email communication only. I would set up a new email account for communication with her only. Check it once a day to start with. Ensure she is blocked on old email address.
Only answer the serious ones where necessary. If she doesnt like it ... tough.
There is no need to communicate with her at all when you have the child.

If they have a good relationiship & he is afraid of rocking the boat, I wouldn't say anything to her at all. I'd just stop answering the texts/calls that weren't emergencies. If she asks why later, just say he feels the communication is getting excessive & he just doesn't have time to answer everything or something like that.

From what I understand, Our Family Wizard costs money so if she won't use it, it's just going to be a waste. Both parties have to be willing for it to work and it doesn't sound like she is the type who will use it. She sounds excessively needy, not just high conflict, so unless it's court ordered and there are consequences, I doubt she would stick to it.

She's going to be pissed no matter what he does so he might as well try to talk to her about it first and let her know that he will no longer be playing this game. Then he actually needs to do something, whether it be change his number, ignore her calls/texts, whatever, to show that he's serious.

Back when my SD was young, cell phones were not the norm and my DH didn't do email back then so he either ignored BM's calls (if important, she could leave a message) or if she started going on about inconsequential stuff (like her personal life) he hung up on her. She was warned but didn't think he'd actually do it. When he did, which was totally out of character for him, she knew he was serious.

These type of women will do whatever they can get away with. Your DH has to show that he's serious and put a stop to it.

I agree with hereiam... If your DH does nothing to change things, nothing will change. They are not married. She has lost the right to be in DH's face on a regular basis.

Change numbers & emails. Get a landline and let it go to online voicemail only. That is wayyyy too much communication.

If Dh is going to do the 70/30 instead of the 50/50, he should do it with a modified CO/PP. For if your state is one that counts overnights ect for CS and/or if the change opens up CS where it didn't exist prior, you need it done legally and documented.

This would also be the time to include the communication issue. Yes, Our Family Wizard is sometimes court ordered. If that were the case in your modification BM wouldn't have the option of not using it. The cost of the program is not overly expensive (a yearly fee) and DH could agree to paying the fee for both him and BM (if it brings some peace to your household it's worth every cent).

Also with SD being twelve she's getting to the age where she can do some of the back and forth on her own. No not adult stuff (that's the parents job to arrange exchanges, possible switched evening occasionally ect), but the example of 'have SD call me after school'. Why was that text necessary at all. Why not BM just call her daughter after school and ask SD how her day went. Why bring Dad into it at all. If SD wants to call Mom or Dad, at 12 she should be able to pick up the phone and do so. With that said, sometimes calling back and forth gets abused. Some parents have set days and times part into the CO/PP. If you're cutting back to 70/30 the next issue you don't want is BM calling SD the entire evening on your days. SD is there to see her Dad and have family time in Dad's home, not chatter non-stop on the phone to Mom.

Did not read all the responses, but you can just subtly train the ex. If you are never responded to it gets boring! So, DH just needs to ignore - initially she may ramp it up as not getting the attention she is used to. My ex called and said "is something wrong? Why are you not answering". I explained, no need. I would respond when I deemed it needed a response. It took a few months, but really quietened down - expect some outlandish texts as they desperately try for a response though! Ex also tried calling and not leaving messages over and over again, hoping I would answer. I did not and told him when he complained - if it was an emergency involving son, I assumed he would leave a message!

My husband and I have experience with Our Family Wizard

BM used to call my husband's cell ALL the time and Yell at him and of course he would yell back...there was ALWAYS a he said/she said moment....it was like their disfunctional marriage never ended. I was the one who asked, "why can't you email? That way there is proof of what was said?"
BM fought tooth and nail, but DH would always let it go to voicemail when she called.
When SHE brought HIM to court for "not communicating" he had piles of documentation of him asking for everything to be written and ALL OF HER RANTS AND CURSING of voicemails to play for the judge.
DH asked the judge for a ruling of written communication and offered to pay for it.
THEN the judge agreed!
THE JUDGE ORDERED OUR FAMILY WIZARD!
DH does pay for both (it is $179 for two years for one person-DH paid a one time $358 fee for her and him for two years- thats about $0.46 a day) we think it is well worth it.
BM refused to use it at first and still called. DH did not answer, let it go to voicemail and uploaded her screaming at him to "answer the fucking phone" and made it public for all to listen on the site... she stopped... every once in a while maybe every 3-4 months she decides she doesn't want to use it and tries to call/text. DH just takes a screen shot of the multiple missed calls or her text messages and uploadsthem to the site. She stops then.

High conflict people will fight and use ANY excuse not to have their actions documented because they know how damning it will be for them.
The trick will be for your husband to stick to his guns and ONLY respond on OFW. Let ALL calls go to voicemail and document thevoicemails on OFW. And any time anything is sent outside of OFW this ddocumentation is accompanied by a message on the site, "please useOFW for all communication".

Notifications get sent to email and phones by text messages so it is JUST as immediate as texting or calling,... even in an emergency.
I.e. "SD FELL AND HURT FOOT AT BLANK HOSPITAL WILL UPDATE AFTER SEEN BY DOCTOR"

If BM is too pig headed to read the message immediately or chooses to ignore it,... THEN that's on her (as it was in this situation when she claimed she wasn't notified-NOPE- it was right there dated and time stamped) if she isn't going to read a text from OFW when comes to her phone, she wouldn't have read a text ot gotten the call from DH if he had used "HER" chosen method of communication...
So there
Can you tell I love it?
BM ignores it, but it only hurts her and makes her look incompetent...

Oh wow, yes that is excessive! Best way to keep communication from ex to minimum is this

1) let ex know you are going to reduce communication to only necessary contact and only to email unless it is more pertinent.

2) do not respond to any calls/texts/emails unless absolutely necessary

3) let all calls go to voice mail, if it is important, she will leave a message. If the message just says call me, text back saying, "what's up?"

4) if they try to call, do not answer, let it go to voice mail, and send a text back. if it's important, they will leave a message.

5) if they leave a message that is not clear, then ask what quotations you have in an email or text, she can answer them via text or email, If she wants to call, let her leave an answer via voice mail

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What worked for us is just kicking the toxic oppositions ass until they stay under their slime covered rock and stay there.

It seems to me that 50/50 maximizes contact and communication between Xs. They have to coordinate kid crap nearly on a weekly basis if not more frequently. We had a long distance visitation situation and had nearly zero contact with the Sperm Idiot or anyone else in the Sperm Clan except when it was time to coordinate one of their visitations which occurred in the summer, winter, and spring.

DH needs to tell XW one time and one time only that he will discuss only kid stuff and only critical kid stuff. She stops calling immediately or he will take her to court to force a structured and limited communication method and schedule. When she deviates he needs to smack her back under her rock. She can only interfere and be a constantly calling annoying presence if he allows it.