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I feel like a failure

scarbs06nu's picture

My ss is 3. My bio daughter is 2. We found out when my ss was almost 2 that my boyfriend was the father.

December 2013 is when visitation started. We have him Thursday - Monday.

I don't like my ss and know what parents feel like when they get to the point where they shake their kids/babies. I haven't done that, but I have wanted to!

There has been NO progress. Something has GOT to give. My ss would rather be anywhere else than with us. He is sassy. Uses bad words. Talks back like he is a teenager. Is, essentially, potty trained but refuses to go at our house. (I know there could be an underlying issue here, BUT, he just pees down his leg at home too.)

I have NO patience for him, at all. He teaches his sister stuff that I'd rather her not know. His crying/screaming sets off a fire inside me that is unreal.

I don't know what to do to tolerate him. That's the first step I need to accomplish. 1 - Tolerate. 2 - Like. 3 - Love. I want to treat him like my own, but I just can't. I am a lot harder on him than I am my bio daughter.

His mom is definitely a person who shouldn't be a mother. She has no sense of what should be happening. His home life isn't the best, that I know. He lives with mom, grandpa and grandma. In the time we don't have him, there are at least 4 different people who watch him. She is also money hungry.

After 2 years of having him full-time, all the time, a break would be nice, sure. But 12 days and you don't want to come get him earlier in the day or even at all? In fact, you send your boyfriend to come get him LATE? You don't want your kid on Christmas morning? Should that even be a thought?

scarbs06nu's picture

I have gotten much better at ignoring it, or if he says "no", or "I don't want to", or something snotty, I give him a chance to correct himself. If he doesn't? He sits in the corner.

scarbs06nu's picture

I don't feel like I have to parent him, and my boyfriend definitely doesn't dump his responsibilities onto me. I'm not really sure where you are coming from...

He isn't my kid, but he is in my house and has to follow our rules. I do have to be around him if I am home, and if I want to continue to have a relationship with my boyfriend and if I want any kind of relationship with my ss.

He isn't at our house longer than his scheduled days. We have it court ordered to have him Thursday through Monday as it was the only way to reduce the child support.

Keep my daughter away from her brother? Seriously? They are toddlers. That isn't going to happen. She LOVES her brother and is always excited to see him.

Parenting classes and/or counseling may be a solution...but I don't know where you are coming from with your last few sentences..."Stand up to your boyfriend and make him do what he's supposed to do. Just because you are a woman doesn't mean you are supposed be responsible for his kid. Make him step up."

My4kidsmom's picture

I'm the adoptive mother of a shaken baby. She is 19 now, wheelchair bound, blind, tube-fed, cannot sit up by herself much less walk or stand. She only has the limited use of her right hand and is totally dependent for everything she needs. Please please please never ever shake a baby. It has devastating consequences. If you feel this way about the child then you need to end your relationship and get as far away from that child as possible. Asap! It literally made me sick to my stomach reading that!!