Vacation without SD
My DH and I have been married 10 years and have two BD together age 9 and 5, as well as his BD Is 14 and lives with her BM, spending EOW with us. My delema is this....my mother and stepfather have recently retired and live in Florida in the winter(we live in New England). They have invited us to come and visit them and spend a day or two at Disney/Universal over school vacation in April. The debate was whether my SD should come with us. She and my family have a relationship but are not close. They do birthday and Christmas gifts for her but both parties recognize the limited extent of their relationship. Also my mother is paying for the plane tickets and if she wasn't doing this we would not be able to afford to go. My SD has two other sets of grandparents and we try very hard to keep things equal between her and our BD. Although she spends only 4 days/month, we have only 3 bedrooms, so our youngest BD share a room while my SD has a room to herself(this will change in the next few years as she is an only child at her BM's home). I really don't feel that it's appropriate for my SD to come on this trip however hard this may be for her to understand, these are our BD grandparents and my mother at that. If this was my husband's mother I would feel differently. So unfortunately my BD, who have never been on a plane or to Florida, let it slip about the trip (I had to book flights recently and make the call as to how many tickets to buy), and so a conversation began between DH and his BD as to why she was not going. Then after SD went back home to BM, BM called and gave DH hell for not inviting their BD on the trip (TO SEE MY MOTHER!). I realize this is tricky ground and that my SD will probably have a tough time accepting this but I don't think I should feel guilty about bringing our BD to visit their grandparents. If this was our idea, and if we were funding the trip this would be different. We have taken one other family vacation back in 2007, and SD AND BD were along. My SD's BM has lived in section 8 housing for the past 12 years, collects disability, and has never financially contributed to her BD life. My DH pays CS, and the rest comes from the state. Both myself and my DH work, ALOT. Unfortunately some things will never be equal between my BD and my SD due to her BM's (in my opinion) choices. The whole disability thing is a joke! It really pisses me off that she's making us feel bad about this vacation-we are both hardworking parents and my SD thinks her BM can do no wrong. We are very good at not speaking badly of het BM.. My DH attempted to explain why it doesn't make sense for BD to be invited. His question to BM is why don't you and your husband take BD to Florida? Why is anything that costs anything for her to come from us?
SUPER FRUSTRATED!!! Also trying to be sensitive to SD's feelings without being made to feel guilty! She gets love and attention from us and from her many sets of granparents etc...
Am I an awful SM?