Hitting Your Stride As A SM/Step Family
I was reading the "Poll Who Are You" thread and it seems that many of our members who post regularly and posted in that thread have been steps for 2-4 years. Yes, there are amny steps here who have been at it much longer, but they seem to contribute more on the advice end, and less on the issues end.
My question is, do you all think there is an average amount of time for really settling I. As a SM/SD/Step Family? I've felt a few times that we have gotten there, then we backslide. Now, I'm feeling that we might actually be there--truly settled in. Nothing too major (except residual effects, which mostly affect me) from BM for the past two years (with the exception of a few boundary issues), and we seem to be living in relative harmony as a family.
Your thoughts or opinions?
We're three years in, and
We're three years in, and haven't had a hneymoon period yet. Maybe when the skid and BM are finally gone.... :?
We are almost 4 years in and
We are almost 4 years in and are not blended. Every other day I think about ending things. wah, wah, wah.
I have read that it takes
I have read that it takes half of the age of the child to adjust to their new family. So if your skid was 10, they wouldn't be fully adjusted until they were 15 because it would take 5 years. In the study it was basically saying the younger the kids the better adjusted they will be. I know there are exceptions, but I do think, in my situation anyway, there is some truth to this.
I think in that poll it would be interesting to see everyone's visitation as well. I think that DH's 50/50 made it easier to blend. If kids come EOWE I guess I just don't see how they could ever feel like it was their home or how the SM could feel anything other than intrusion on that time. Just my perspective, I've never lived it.
We seem to be in a similar situation, more residual affects and fear of repetition in the drama but mostly settled and established. We have bumps and setbacks as well, but so do most nuclear families I know, our issues are just different.
Three years in for me, and it
Three years in for me, and it is SO much better than I ever thought it could be. That first year was rough, though.
It's been two and almost a
It's been two and almost a half for me and I think we are in a good stride for now. The problems we have are toddler milestones not skid problems or BM causing drama. My ss2 hasn't been tainted yet so here's to hoping for another good 16years!!!! I think age of the skid has a lot to do with how well they are able to adjust. My skid can't remember me not being here so I'm hoping it'll turn out better than most of these other cases