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Bio-Mom thinks she is our niece's aunt also

venus14's picture

I'm new to this, so bear with me. My husband and I have many problems with his ex-girlfriend (not ex-wife) they were never married. She still remains good friends with my husband's sister and actually moved the stepchildren 100 miles to live two blocks from his sister. You can just imagine the legal fight (and family feud) that entailed, but of course, she won because she had a great job lined up for her. Well she quit (or got fired...who knows) 10 months later and as far as we know now, she works part-time when needed. We have many, many problems with her, especially her need to control everything. My husband is a wonderful father, supports the kids anyway they need it. We have them every other weekend during the school year and all summer with bio-mom receiving every other weekend. The oldest played baseball (which started during the school year) so my husband even went as far as picking him up 100 miles away so he could participate in practices and return him home the same night for school the next morning.) Driving is 50/50 during the school year and 100% her responsibility during the summer. She had the nerve to throw a stink about that when she was the one who moved them so far away. My husband has gone to band concerts, teacher conferences and many more events, having to drive 4 hours total each time. Very devoted father. She takes advantage of many situations with his family. Like I said earlier, my sister-in-law lives 2 blocks away from them so when her daughter (my niece) comes to visit Grandma (who lives right down the road from us), Bio-mom likes to use that to her advantage to have Grandma bring all the kids back. Let's just say she gets out of her driving time a lot! Okay, I'm going off track, sorry.
The reason I wrote this forum is because a new problem has arose (at least in my eyes) and I just want some advice. Bio-mom has been referring to herself the last couple weeks (in the public eye) as our niece's aunt. Our niece is my husband's sister's daughter. I get that sister-in-law and bio-mom are good friends, sister-in-law is not very fond of my husband (her brother), probably not fond of me either. Anybody can be referred to as an aunt whether they truly are or aren't. But I know she is doing this just to spite my husband and me. Do I confront her?

venus14's picture

Thanks, it's just so hard to watch control-freak bio-mom waltz around thinking she is a part of our family.

overworkedmom's picture

I have friends that their kids call me Auntie Overworked. Let this one go. I can't imagine dealing with BM being so close to your inlaws, that would drive me up a wall, but this isn't a battle worth fighting.

twoviewpoints's picture

It's really harmless enough. It's just a fake title to a lady the child's mother is good friends with. They aren't involving and/or disrupting you/your home with it, so why get upset over it? As SIL has little use for her brother (your DH), why focus on what SIL does? What the niece calls her mother's friend is of no significance to whether your Dh is a devoted, good supporting father. It's not interfering with the sport activities, the school programs or the EOWD visitations the kids have and enjoy with their Dad.

Same as with Grandma driving the kids in place of BM. Both the kids are her grandchildren, she's going that way with one of the children, why not both? Yes, I 'get' it annoys you that someone else besides BM is doing the transporting so BM doesn't have to , yet you/DH do have to do your own transporting...but except for annoying you, again, it's harmless. CO says BM responsible for x amount of transporting. BM is being responsible for her share (lining up a ride) she just isn't physically doing the driving herself.

Sometimes it's best to let the little stuff roll off or frustration and resentment will eat you alive. There's way too much 'big' stuff involved in trying to co-parent and raise kids in two different homes to get wrapped up in the little things you have no control over. I'm not trying to downplay that this BM knows how to get under your fingernails, but my point is sometimes your own health and well being (and also building a relationship and maintaining it with the actual children) is more beneficial than hanging on to the little stuff.

Disneyfan's picture

Unless you want to start WWIII over something that doesn't concern you, then no, you shouldn't confront anyone.

QueenBeau's picture

My friend had a son when we were in high school. He calls me his aunt. She's my best friend, we aren't sisters. I also had an 'aunt' when I was younger who was just my mom's friend.

But, BM is probably just doing it for a reaction.

simifan's picture

My BFF's daughter refers to me as Aunt... My SD & BS both refer to her as aunt. While I get that you have issues with the lack of boundaries of your BM & SIL, Let this one go.