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I need your help...Sister-In-Law hangs out w/biomom

happy mom's picture

Is anyone in this similar situation. My sister-in-law is hanging out w/biomom? I'm a bit upset about this. I have expressed my frustration w/siter-in-law about the my relationship w/biomom, all problems. And yet I find out that they hang out sometimes. The children are cousins, going to the same school. How do I deal w/this? Sister-in-law never calls me up to hang out w/her.

Comments

Dawn-Moderator's picture

My sister-in-law would never hang out with biomom after all of the mean and horrible things that biomom has done to my husband over the years. She knows how biomom is from when my husband was with biomom. Not to mention, I tell my sister-in-law the things that biomom is doing presently.

I am glad that my sister-in-law backs me and my husband. It helps to have the moral support.

What does your husband say about that?

Dawn

happy mom's picture

Husband hasn't said anything about it, I think inside he is bothered by that but he doesn't want to say anything. I will stop talking to sisterinlaw about any future problem I may have w/biomom. My husband doesn't know I spoke to his sister about biomom. I can't do much about having sisterinlaw commuicating/hanging out w/biomom, that's her business. I'm just hurt that she decided to be friends w/her after all that we've been through w/her.

Sweetie's picture

Dear Happy Mom,
Boy! Have I seen this happen! A word of advice--zip the lip before it bits you! My husband's side of the family is full of bold, two-faced manipulators. When my husband confronted his mother about her behavior at our wedding, she denied it, even though we had videotape with footage and audio from her nasty mouth and my sister-in-laws.
My husband doesn't speak with them; but then again, they act very low class and we don't have the need or desire to do that. It was bad enough they ruined our wedding. This was a real horror story.
Regards,
Sweetie

happy mom's picture

Thanks Sweetie and Dawn, I really needed to hear from others what they think. I feel like I'm always dealing w/problems by myself and this site has given me a sense of relief that I can let it all out and get the support/advice I need to hear. You guys are the best. I don't know if sisterinlaw had mentioned anything to biomom about the things I've said to her. I hope nothing. It's an awkward situation when I see sisterinlaw next time, I just can't talk to her anymore, knowing she's friends w/biomom. I just don't understand why sisterinlaw would do such thing, especially after what her brother has gone through w/her.

Sweetie's picture

Dear Happy Mom,
With regard to your inevitable forthcoming conversation with sister in law, I'd just steer clear of anything personal. Only speak of generalities from now on. It won't take her long to realize that she's no longer "in the loop" and can't repeat any more information. Your husband's problems (and yours, of course) make her feel better and more successful in front of your husband's mom.
Even though we're supposed to mature as adults, she is probably getting a certain amount of satifaction knowing that she could take the information, and partially control the outcome. Once you take that power away, what does she have? I know that it's really hard not to say what you really are thinking, but just save till later when you get on line. If you can't get on line, I'd suggest getting a very private, secure diary so that you can write and vent your frustrations. Let us know how you are doing because we understand exactly what is happening.
Regards,
Sweetie

Sherrylyn's picture

I hope you can talk with your sister-in-law and develop an independant relationship with her. You still may have to watch what is said but that could change over time.

Before my husband, I had a long relationship with a man I lived with. We never had children but I became very attached to his family. When we split I lost so much more than a 1 on 1 relationship. I missed them desperatly for such a long time. Your sister-in-law is also auntie to biomom's children. It may be hard for you, but it could be good for the children. I'm sorry, this probally isn't what you wanted to hear.

Dawn-Moderator's picture

I just don't think that I would be able to feel like I could be open and honest when taking to the sister-in-law knowing that she hangs out with the ex. It's not comfortable to have to think about and analyze everything that you say just in case it got back to biomom. That is why we don't have any mutual friends that biomom has. It just doesn't work.

Dawn

happy mom's picture

I am truly greatful that I found this site to chat w/all of you and get the support I need. I don't have a close friend to talk to regarding any of this stepmom issues and this site has given me the support I need. I don't know of any stepmom here and so I can't talk to anyone who would understand. I will not talk to sisterinlaw about that anymore, yes, Sweetie I'll talk only about general topics w/her. It just makes me sick to my stomach to know that my only sisterinlaw is friends w/biomom...