Child in need meeting
Hi
Well this is my story. Married a wonderful man last yr only problem is he has a 4yr old son with his mentally unfit ex! She has very unstable paranoid psychosis and she has made our lives hell by telling everyone that will listen (friends/family/police/social services) that I abuse their little boy who we have 3 days a wk. Obviously police and social services have had to investigate and each time they have proved me to be innocent but then a fresh lot of allegations appears and it all kicks off again. I feel at the absolute end of my tether. Police have made her youngest two boys 'children in need' (She has four children by 4 fathers only two are under 16)and set up a plan of care for them because of HER neglect after discovering in the course of their investigations that she has been neglecting them. We are now having to go to a 'child in need' meeting with SS doctor/teacher/social services/and her to sort out a plan of care. I am absolutely dreading going to this meeting as she is the most vile human on the planet. Any advice on how to get through it and how to stop myself from telling her what a disgusting human being she is! I dont think that would put me or hubby in a good light! Even though I have done nothing wrong I still feel like a crimanal and am scared of what she is capable of. Any one had similar experience...any advice?
When my SDs were small and I
When my SDs were small and I had just begun seeing DH, his ex claimed to have phoned Social services and reported him for supposedly abusing them. It turned out she had made this up, but I never trusted her after that, and made sure that I was NEVER alone with them, ever, even for 10 minutes. I was not going to have my life ruined by abuse allegations.
I imagine that this course of action may be difficult for you if you have the child three days a week and you have to care for him - but this is an extreme situation and I would be inclined to refuse to have charge of him and make your DH arrange paid day care if he cannot personally be around.
I would suggest you aim to conduct yourself at this hearing with caution, dignity and professionalism - do not stoop to insulting the BM as it will get you nowhere. Just show yourself to be the opposite of her.
Well I do not have much
Well I do not have much advise for the meeting, just keep in mind that everything you do or say she could take out of context. As for her accusing you of abuse and the police etc not having any findings. I personally would have this woman charged/sued for false allegations.
I would consult a lawyer
I would consult a lawyer regarding harassment charges against her for false accusations.
Dress like a professional and
Dress like a professional and keep your comments limited to only the issue at hand. She cannot bring you down to her level if you don't let her. Best luck and hugs
A care plan? Sounds like
A care plan? Sounds like something that will lead to a court order. You and husband should know what you want because you'll probably get it. Court orders can be very flexible and a local lawyer might be able to run some scenarios by you. For example, if you do not want full custody, you might go for taking holidays and summers instead as though everyone lived far away to avoid weekly interaction if not ugly scenes. But perhaps the professionals think the child is in danger? Also, you might be ableto meet in separate rooms with the professionals moving between the rooms. Ask for separate rooms at least. That way everyone can talk more honestly and no fires get started. Or fewer fires. Good luck and follow the advice in previous posts. Listen carefully, take notes, think before you speak, don't interrupt and have an agenda. Focus on the well being of the child, and do not be manipulated. If the child needs another home and yours cannot be made available for any reason, be prepared to pay child support if this new primary caretaker is not your own relative. You should try to know the professional's agenda before you walk in the door, if possible. Call the friendliest one to find out the scope of the discussion. Be forewarned and have thoughtful and agreed upon answers for every possible question.