You are here

Good bye sd

harvey's picture

I finally flipped after 9 years of being patient I decided I had nothing left to lose so for the first time ever I gave my dh a choice it's me or her. I could not believe I said those words but I did. Sd20 came back unannounced marched in demanded a mobile phone upgrade and started making me miserable, her last 3 announced visits she wanted daddy to herself he wined and dined her I stayed at home. Being unannounced I lost my temper packed my bags and said to him you choose. He has sent sd20 packing I feel guilty for doing this to him but after 9 years of her nonsense and now she's an adult I had reached a point I would rather have walked out of my marriage than put up with more. I'm shocked by the outcome I thought he would choose her!

harvey's picture

Well lets hope but I doubt it, it's odd that I feel so awful when he takes her out to dinner he never does me it's almost like how I would feel if he's having an affair. I have had counselling, taken medication, turned to drink, left for the days she was there nothing got me away from that feeling of rejection, loss not sure what word, she has ruined my life for too long and I'm not compromising anymore. The disengaging only helps when she's not in my home. I just hope I finally will keep my sanity.

tweetybird74's picture

I hope your DH does not start to resent you for this. Never would I ask my DH to chose me or his child even if they are adults.

tweetybird74's picture

I hope your DH does not start to resent you for this. Never would I ask my DH to chose me or his child even if they are adults.

harvey's picture

Well if he does I'm happy to walk out the marriage I feel if he has set some rules, grown a spine and stood up to her years ago he would never had reached this point, would you be happy for a woman to come into your home push you out and make you uncomfortable whilst your husband takes her out as a reward, walk a mile in my shoes you would be surprised where it takes you I am pretty ill at the moment I do not need her coming into my home, saying awful things, purposely making a mess, taking money and making me feel worse, i have my ss at home we get on like family why can't she? This is the first time I have stood my ground after all these years.

harvey's picture

Incidentally if you read my other posts you will see she also made her choices, she decided to live with her late mothers boyfriend that's her home so why does she have the right to come in and ruin ours? I do not feel guilty, he could of chosen her. Sometimes when someone spends years bullying and tormenting a person they sometimes fall on their face. She did I always tried to make her a family member she has always blanked me or threw it in my face. I don't think I had a choice I could not spend anymore time feeling like this. He can see her not stopping him I just don't want her in my home.

harvey's picture

I could never have what I wanted, ideally my sd would have lived with us and been a family like my ss, she would only have been happy if I was not on the scene anymore, she has made it very clear in the 9 years that she hates me and I can hand on heart say she has had no reason until now, I wanted for us all to be happy but she made me so miserable I overdosed as the constant hostility, hatred and stalking from her made me ill, the truth is it wore me down so much I reached rock bottom, this is the only way I can see it getting better for us all sadly, I wish I had a choice if anyone can tell me how to fix this I'm all ears, I think it's very sad too.

jennaspace's picture

If you DH was taking you out on date nights wkly would it make a difference? Does he ask you to go out alone? If not, why?

Of course you would feel miffed if he takes her out alone but never you. I'm glad when my DH takes my sd out alone but she doesn't push and we go out alone by ourselves (even if its a cheap date) all the time.

I may be reaching wrong conclusions but I'm wondering if your husband's neglect isn't contributing to your animosity.