Copying

harvey's picture

My SD20 copies me does anyone else have this problem? She buys clothes that I buy, had her bedroom in her Mothers house decorated like mine, copies what I say, what I do, Where I go, We got married last year and recently she is talking about her wedding, like ours but she is not even in a long term relationship and what is more weird everything I buy her she never wears I have found Christmas presents from years ago still with labels in her bedroom, it seems she wants me to see as she is now studying away but purposely leaves them to be seen, I have disengaged its the best thing I ever did and I feel so much happier, I do not bother to buy her stuff to leave behind but I find her copying ways very weird, why would you copy someone you hate, if I touch my husband she tries to copy it so the attention goes to her, she is an adult its weird,

goincrazy.com's picture

OMG MY SD20 started wearing heels-she didn't even own any and I wear heels all the time, Now she wears them sometimes. And the biggest thing???!!! Drives me f*ing nuts- she is a daywalker i.e. reddish hair, pale skin freckles.....Started dying her hair dark like 2 weeks after I did!!!! UGH!!!!

imjustthemaid's picture

SD16 started copying me. At first I was annoyed. Then I realized it was a compliment. She came home all proud that BM took her to get her nails done and she got them done just like mine. After I thought about it, I thought it was sweet.

But in your case it may be creepy!!

forgotten wife's picture

i would think she's trying to emulate you because she likes and respects your taste. i think you must be seeing this as a negative because of prior problems? girls do this all the time with their mothers.

do you dislike her?

jennaspace's picture

Sounds like she likes your style. You may want to just take it as a compliment. When I was young I was so unsure of my own sense of style. Seeing your styles may give her confidence to try them for herself.

harvey's picture

I tried for 8 years to get on with her, went out of my way to be nice you know the normal trap buy gifts, so nice things and never got a kind word or a thank you back, she made my life hell, about 5 months ago I decided enough was enough and disengaged, she has always been very jealous of me and has copied me but at times I feel like I am on some set of a horror movie, i find it weird that a girl would want to look like someone generations older. Maybe you are right I should take it as a compliment, I would recommend disengaging it has saved me marriage and my sanity, I have a stepson, we get on great and are like family, I love him like a son and to answer your question no I do not like my stepdaughter, after what she has made me feel and put me through I think I hate her.

20YearsAsAStep-Mom's picture

Mine too! If they know I have a particular bag or item they will say (when I used to be in their company lol) oh, I hate those new so and so's knowing I had one. Or I hate such and such knowing I like such and such. They always tried to put me down one way or another. just plain mean and rude imo. Glad I disengaged! Yay for me.

3_steps_ahead's picture

I think there's a distinct difference between a SD copying out of admiration and a SD copying out of some kind of psychosis.

I've had the same problem with SD19 copying me although she hates me. The most recent example was when she insisted that the car that my in laws purchased for her be the same kind of car that I have. After the in laws bought her the car, she posted a picture of it on her facebook page and then went on and on about how it wasn't the exact car that she had wanted (she had originally expected for DH to give her my car even though it is in my name only anyway), but that it was "way better" than the one she wanted originally anyway.

Not sure exactly what the problem is with SD19, but overall, I think based upon the items that DH found in her nightstand after she walked out and her telling DH that he should have kicked me out of my own house (without any explanation as to why she felt that way), that it seems almost like she wants to be DH's wife and me out of the way. Basically like if she can "become me", then maybe her father won't need me anymore and she can get me out of the picture. It's creepy and it really feels very much like living in the "Single White Female" movie.

forgotten wife's picture

Ewwwww!

3_steps_ahead's picture

I agree - and the Army still hasn't picked up on her problems and gotten her any help yet. They're sending her to her first duty station in a little over a week. My only comfort will be that her visit back in the area will be over soon and she'll be away from us again.