Sometimes things DO have a way of working out.
Sometimes things do have a way of working out.
We have been keeping track of access for a long time. The parenting plan in place since SD was 6 was a 50/50 split, however, we have had SD11 for no less than 65%. In May it was agreed by all parties (prompted by SD11) that she stay with us 70%. BM agreed.
DH contacted BM in order to modify the CS shortly after, and asked her for financial statements. BM refused to provide the info. You see, we paid BM $1,100.00/month in CS. (DH also pays all “extra expenses”, medical, dental, schooling, sports, etc.”) When BM realized she may be faced with losing CS, shit hit the fan. We had to take her to court. We lost the battle to modify the schedule to 70/30, but we were awarded a reduction in CS.
BM doesn’t work. Actually she does work part time and it is unreported income. She didn’t want to lose the last of her gravy. She thought that if she convinced SD to return to the 50/50 schedule, she could keep her exorbitant CS. So she convinced SD11 to return to the 50/50 schedule. What BM wanted and what she asked for in court are two very different things.
She WANTED to have SD less, but still have all her $$$$.
What she ended up with was SD 50% of the time and a reduction in her CS by half.
Sometimes things DO work out.
(Sadly, this cost us about $3,800 in legal fees (and it will take us 7 months of CS to make up the cost of the legal fees based on the reduction. BUT it cost BM about $4,000 in legal fees).
Karma is a B*tch.
Nice! I am thoroughly
Nice!
I am thoroughly convinced that one of the primary reasons BM demands so much time with her kids is for the CS.
Can I ask how CS got lowered?
Can I ask how CS got lowered? Man, I hope karma makes her stop with our BM. I'm starting to see a silver lining but its verrrrry thin.
The whole process was such a
The whole process was such a roller coaster. One minute, we're feeling confident, the next minute we were dashed. SD11 is too young to have "a voice" as to where she wants to live, and the person who lost in all of this was SD11. The old schedule had her bouncing around like a ball. Wake up at one parent's house, go to the other person's afterschool and back to the other parent's house after baseball practice. It was hellish. AND BM was constantly "giving up her time". SD11 isn't stupid. She knew where her saftey zone was....with us. We had her in counselling over it. Everyone agreed. Prompted by a suggestion from her counsellor, we tried the 70/30 schedule for almost 3 months. SD11 was doing much better. No anxiety. Then her narcisstic mother, after getting served, guilted her into going back to 50/50. Of course, BM has to make sure the world things that she is MOTY (Mother Of The Year).
The new incarnation of the 50/50 schedule, doesn't allow for the bouncing around anymore, so hopefully SD11 will adjust.
My prediction, in 2 months from now, BM will be back to giving up SD11 during her time.
It is what it is. In another 2 or 3 years, SD will be old enough to have "a voice".
And yes, I am now a believer in Skids having a say in where they live. When they are young, its easier to bounce back and forth to 50/50, but as they get older, they need stability. It was so bad that on any given day SD11 didn't know where she was sleeping at night.
IF BM actually, truly cared about the needs of SD11 and actually made SD11 a priority in her life, 50/50 would have worked.
This is EXACTLY how I feel
This is EXACTLY how I feel about our BM. Skids are young now, so it's not AS huge of an issue, but the time will come when they want some consistency.
In a shared parenting
In a shared parenting situation, CS is based on income set off.
DH makes xxx amount and would owe BM $xx.xx based on her having SD full time.
AND BM makes xxx amount and would owe DH $xx.xx based on DH having SD full time.
The difference is paid to the other party.
In our case DH has a higher annual salary and therefore he pays BM the difference. Which is why we the exchange of Financial Information was essential in determining the new amount of CS.
Stability and consistency are
Stability and consistency are key - I am a sole believer in that and I hope that SD11 comes back to you guys. My SD12 just voiced the other week he wanted to spend more time with us and when we proposed it to the BM she went off on a rant and accused us of coaching him and said we only did it to hurt her. She never took into account that he feels like that because shes so far up her younger sons ass that her oldest is resenting her. I asked about the CS because she will be taking him in March when her unemployment runs out. He makes good money but she got fired from being an RN and hasn't gotten off her lazy ass to get another job. We've heard so many different stories of either he is going to get screwed and have to pay her a lot of money even though custody is 50/50 OR they are going to take into consideration that she could very well get a high paying job and hold her at an earning capacity of 1/2 of what she was making as an RN (thats what they previously told him). It's just rare to hear of CS being lowered - its such a flawed system against fathers I feel and I'm a mother of two boys myself.