SS2 crying for BM all the time... Will it stop?
My boyfriend's 2 year old son has been living with us essentially full time for 3 weeks now, whereas before he was only here from 7pm Sat nights to 5pm Sun. So this is a big change for everyone, but as BM is homeless it is the only option. He constantly cries wanting his BM when doing things with us that she normally would (ie: getting ready for day care) and not only does it hurt his Dad's feelings, it hurts mine too. Now I know I will never replace BM but I just feel like I should be a good enough mother figure that he shouldn't be crying for her all the time. Do you think that as time goes on and he adjusts to living with us that he will stop doing this? I can only hope, I hate hearing about/having to think about BM more than absolutely necessary. Eugh. :/
It has nothing to do with
It has nothing to do with your feelings of BF's.
This kid is just a toddler and his whole world has gotten turned upside down. He used to see his dad for a day a week and now it's full time. How often does he see his mom? How soon is mom going to be in a home?
PLEASE don't let this hurt your feelings. The kid is suffering. It doesn't mean he doesn't like you guys.
Yes just be matter of fact
Yes just be matter of fact about it. "I'm here now and I love you very much.". Then give him a hug. Then go about your business and don't pay undue attention if he cries...like, if hes trying to cry while getting dressed, say the above, then carry on dressing him. Even if he's crying.
Sometimes I think if you focus too much on the crying and trying to make him feel better it actually makes it worse.
I'm not saying ignore him, but just reassure him, hug him, carry on with business. Sometimes it helps to distract him too. Like if he's crying, say "I understand you're sad,and I love you very much. I'll be here when you're ready to play. I bought some bubbles at the store today, and I thought we might go outside to blow bubbles whenever you're ready."
Sorry you are all in that situation. It sounds tough.
What kind of contact does the
What kind of contact does the kid have with BM? PHone calls, periodic visits, anything?
At 2 years old, I can't imagine he understands ANYTHING that's going on. Look at it like losing a parent .. if your mother died, you would miss her and cry and be upset .. and that is NO reflection on your father or stepmom.
Right now she watches him on
Right now she watches him on Thursdays/Thursday nights and she sees him briefly on weekends when dropping off her other son (not biologically my boyfriend's, but he's the only dad the kid has ever known so he comes by every other weekend or so). And normally he's fine but he seems to miss her exceptionally after he's seen her or been with her. Which is understandable, but again, I love him and I just wish that he wouldn't be so upset about it. I constantly have to remind myself I'll never be Mom.
I wish we could have full custody all the time, BM is, for lack of a better term, a complete loser. 30 years old, hasn't worked in years, has a drug problem (which she denies of course-but we know), lives off welfare. We could provide a much more stable home but boyfriend is so passive about everything. It's frustrating. He's worried that if we went to court we'd just piss her off and give her more Of a reason to use drugs. I don't really know why he's not more concerned about it, he just let's her walk all over him because "it's the mother of his children" and he doesn't want the kids to "see there mom suffering" ... Like, he still pays her child support even though we have their son full time... Such a pushover he is. It frustrates me To no end Grrrrr.
because "it's the mother of
because "it's the mother of his children" and he doesn't want the kids to "see there mom suffering" ... Like, he still pays her child support even though we have their son full time... Such a pushover he is. It frustrates me To no end Grrrrr.
Ya, that's probably only going to get worse unless he holds BM accountable for her actions. She has no business caring for any child if she's a drug addict. Who cares if she gets pissed, especially since she can lose custody for her bullshit.
Either run now, or get ready to be frustrated by him laying down for the golden uterus, again and again and again and again.
My skids' BM was a drug addict too and DH thought he had to take it because he didn't have a chance in hell for custody because he's not the mom. Well ... he's had custody for four years now and BM straightened up her act ... mostly. It did take a lot of convincing for him though. Also, if he hadn't wanted custody, I would have left because I couldn't stand by and watch the trainwreck of three kids I care about being raised by a crackwhore or her whims.
But good luck. Sorry for the little guy. I agree with whoever said don't focus on the crying so much. He's two, just say, "Hey that stinks that you miss your mom, we'll see her soon. How bought we have some cookies and play with Thomas the train? He likes to go, 'choo choo'" or whatever.
SS used to do that when he
SS used to do that when he was 2. It's hard not to hold it against them, but they are just, well... babies really. All he knows is that his mommy isn't there and that isn't normal. And really it isn't normal. That is not how we were made.
SS grew out of it when he learned that I (or DH) would hug and and hold him until he felt better. It takes time, but it will get better. That is a tough situation at any age to have your mom pulled from your life, but especially at age 2 when youhave no idea what is going on. Try to be patient, it will get better. I promise.
SD5 did this when she was 2
SD5 did this when she was 2 at the beginning when we started week on/week off with her. She continued doing it randomly until she was 3. She STILL does this whenever she is reprimanded or punished over here. When she was younger we would acknowledge it ONCE and then move on with whatever activity. Now we ignore it, and when she throws a fit we send her to her room until she collects herself.
Three weeks??? Saturday you
Three weeks???
Saturday you posted that the kids were living with their mom in a hotel since the fire.
The child is 2. He has lost his home. He's used to being with you and your BF for short periods of time. It will take some time for him to adjust.
Yeah, that's why I said
Yeah, that's why I said essentially. He was sleeping here at night but hanging out with her in the hotel. But he's here permanently now until she has a house.
BM is in your life until
BM is in your life until death or divorce. Yours. Get used to it you volunteered.
Of course he'll get over it enough to stop crying but it make take months. Who can blame him? The one person he bonded with abandoned him.
Let Dad do as much as possible so the child can re-direct his bonding to him so if you leave for some reason he'll at least have one person he's familiar with.
really? you are quite the
really? you are quite the piece of work. :sick:
He's a baby...babies cry.
He's a baby...babies cry. Some 2 year olds are still nursing! And even children of abusive parents want/love/miss their parents. If you're in it for the long haul, hold him, cuddle him, comfort him....and let Dad do the same. Maybe having his big brother around will help. Whatever you do, don't tell him not to cry about it, or to "be a big boy"....he's not. Let him talk about it/her as much as he can/will...he'll learn that you won't hold his feelings against him.
Ummm no 2 year old should
Ummm no 2 year old should still be nursing. There are no medical benefits to nursing past the 1st year. Two year old are NOT babies. Will they cry? Of course. But they are not babies. They can talk, potty train, tell stories, follow directions, start to dress themselves, dance, sing.. No. 2 year olds are NOT babies.
i nursed bs4 until he was a
i nursed bs4 until he was a few months from 3 and he is perfectly normal. he doesn't have an unnatural attachment or a fear of being alone in a room or any other of the nonsense out there about why it's bad to nurse past a year. he is very healthy, happy and well adjusted. it is a personal choice between mother and child. society has no business getting involved in it. there are health benefits to nursing no matter how long it's done. the milk doesn't suddenly go bad after the first year.
I was more meaning that the
I was more meaning that the immune benefits stop being effective after a year; at least from what i've read. That being said I guess my view on it is from a preschool teacher standpoint-- i.e. how much more difficult it can be for a child to adjust to a school/academic/classroom environment at that age, than what goes on at home. So I suppose I would like to rephrase my initial statement--- I personally do not think i would breast feed a child past a year.
XOXO BI, you know I love you girl!
thanks, tex. i'm just touchy
thanks, tex. i'm just touchy right now and temperamental. thanks for not taking offense and allowing me my snarky moment.
Actually the World Health
Actually the World Health Organization reccomends at least two years of breastfeeding or more. The current research indicated that 2-3 years of breastfeeding is best. The immunilogical benefits do not go away after one year.
This research is what sparked the formula compaies to start producing that "toddler milk", as its been found that babies aren't ready to be weaned to cows milk at only.one year old.